LOW SELF – ESTEEM   6 comments


“Self-confidence is not a feeling of superiority, but of independence.”
Lama Yeshe

“Self-confidence is knowing that we have the capacity to do something good
and firmly decide not to give up.”
His Holiness the Dalai Lama

What Is Low Self-Esteem?

  • Self-esteem reflects our opinion and judgments of ourselves and the importance we place on ourselves as people.
  • Low self-esteem means having an inadequate belief or judgment, held without actual proof and considering ourselves to be of little importance.
  • At the centre of low self-esteem are negative beliefs e.g. I am bad; I am worthless. These have substantial impact on the person and many areas of their life.
  • The role of low self-esteem can be a feature of present problems, a result of other problems or a susceptibility factor for other difficulties.

  The Development Of Low Self-Esteem

  • Keep in mind that your negative beliefs are not things known to have happened or to be true or to exist – they are opinions.
  • They are the opinions reached as a result of your experience usually your earliest observations of facts or events. The existence of negatives and the lack of positives can add to them.
  • Once established these negative beliefs are reinforced by biased thinking. Consistent experiences are acknowledged while those that are contradictory are disregarded.
  • Negative beliefs lead to the development of rules for living that enable you to function in the world despite your negative beliefs. These rules protect you against your negative beliefs but in the long-run they keep low self-esteem going.

  What Maintains Low Self-Esteem

  • Your negative beliefs at the centre of low self-esteem are activated in circumstances where it seems your rules for living may become unusable. Once set in action a vicious circle maintaining low self-esteem is triggered.
  • Low mood completes the circle by making sure that your negative beliefs remain activated.

Signs of Having Low Self-Esteem and Not Believing in Yourself!

• You lack belief in yourself and are very insecure

• You have problems showing and accepting intimacy in relationships

• You never let your true feelings show

• You never recognize and give yourself credit for your accomplishments

• You have the inability to forgive yourself or others

• You resist change at every opportunity

• Positive thinking is completely missing from your life

  Coping With the Need for Approval

  • If you excessively seek approval, the needs of others will become more important than your own.
  • You can become trapped in seeking approval  n wen u don’t get it in some pple they feel slighted in other they see it as an attack an affront
  • Conflict over whether you live for yourself or for others can lead to a loss of identity. This is linked to loss of composure and reduced confidence due to lack of control over where your life is going.
  • Build your confidence by increasing the positives in your life and be serious about your own requirements and try not to criticize yourself.
  • In your relationships with others remember that approval has to go both ways.
  • It is possible to successfully challenge all these thoughts. Use your rational and compassionate mind to find positive alternative thoughts.
  • How do you deal with approval? Are you able to accept the nice things said about you? If not, record your thoughts and challenge them.
  • What goes through your mind when you have made an effort and others do not notice? Do you think you are making too much of the circumstances? Are you feeling strongly self-critical? Challenge these thoughts with alternatives.
  • Do you feel you must please others? What would happen if you did not succumb to the wishes of others? Would you label yourself as selfish? Write down your thoughts and challenge them. What thoughts prevent you from being your own person? Is it possible that your thinking can consider both yours and the other person’s perspective?
  • Are you blaming yourself for being the target of a bully? Do you believe the bully? If so, think about how you can challenge this and how a sympathetic friend would talk to you.

Now for many, having a low self-confidence level simply means frustration, fear and even dread!

Do we believe in ourselves, our ability to handle different situations, and to live out our thoughts, beliefs and goals about what we really want to achieve in life?

Tough question isn’t it?

Indeed, our level of self-confidence can vary greatly depending on the situation, topic or even time in our lives. But for everyone, there are ways of improving your self confidence.

Not many of us are willing to even accept this painful reality, fortunately those of us who do are destined to achieve amazing things in our lives. By taking one step back, being honest with ourselves regarding our self-confidence level we can take 2 or more steps forward.



1. Realize Everyone Goes Through It. When we experience a situation where our mind locks up, we are scared to death or dread being embarrassed we are likely to feel it’s only us experiencing that situation when in fact that is far from the case. If you are scared of large groups, so are dozens of others – low self-esteem linked to particular situations is very common. Once you accept the fact that you are just like everyone else, improving self confidence will be much easier.

2. Control Your Response To Low Self-Confidence: Rather than trying to avoid situations that make you feel fearful, anxious or self-conscious, try working on how to deal with your inner response to these situations. Ask yourself “what is it about these situations that scares me so much?” and “What is the worst thing that can happen…understanding it usually doesn’t anyway”

3. Meditation / Relaxation: By learning the basics of how to meditate or different forms of relaxation, you can experience complete inner peace and harmony you will gain new insight and control over your response to situations. Over time you will begin to experience less and less anxiety, fear or self-consciousness (In other words do things that help you achieve this state of inner peace and harmony with yourself for some people its listening to music, taking long walks or exercise whatever it is just get to that state of calmness) all designed specifically to improve self confidence and self-esteem, reduce fear and stress and enhance your overall well being. Eventually you will reach a point where the pain associated with low self-confidence will be lower than the pleasure gained by living outside of your comfort zone – the point at which you can finally achieve your goals and objectives will go a long way to improving your self confidence.

4. Stop Being A Perfectionist: Low self-confidence is often rooted in unrealistic expectations we have set for ourselves in a given situation. By easing up on ourselves, understanding that those who appear most self-confident are often, to a degree, “faking” and are not perfect themselves, you’ll soon be able to lower your anxiety and fear opening yourself up to taking more chances and increase your self-confidence as you go.

5 Affirmations and Imagery: Just before you are about to enter a situation where you have had challenges with your self-confidence before, picture a crystal-clear image in your head of a time when you were 100% self-confident…now think ahead to the current situation and clearly visualize the outcome with the same positive view…as if you were 100% self-confident. Replay these images for 5-10 minutes before you enter scenarios in your life where low self-confidence has been a problem in the past.

“No one can make you feel inferior without your permission”

Above all else, know that low self-confidence can be overcome. Improving self confidence is all about regaining control over your life in the many situations that today cause you such fear, dread or anxiety that you avoid them altogether resulting in a lifestyle that is more fulfilling, happier and where major achievements are within your reach.

“Low self-esteem is like driving through life with your hand-break on.”

To wrap this up i would like to say that, High self- esteem is something that is created by the person that possesses it.  We have more control of our lives than we often give ourselves credit.  Positive affirmations, setting obtainable goals, and respecting ourselves are three ways we can overcome negative self-esteem.  I encourage you to speak, achieve, and practice your way into a new you.


Posted March 6, 2012 by Faith Onyebujoh in Uncategorized

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6 responses to “LOW SELF – ESTEEM

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  1. Only wanna remark on few general things, The website style is perfect, the written content is very wonderful : D.

  2. Pingback: The Secret to Higher Self Esteem and Self Confidence » Creating Your Beyond, LLC | Creating Your Beyond, LLC

  3. Its very encouraging and inspiring over low-esteem.thank u so much for this “help”.

    mohammed tajudeen
  4. I loved this. Simple yet powerful tips to achieve self confidence.

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