BETRAYAL   1 comment

 

betrayal 5

BETRAYAL

“When you betray someone else, you also betray yourself!!!”

The word itself – betrayal would look dark to most people because of its meaning. No one likes to be betrayed. In fact every security measure we see in the world today is to guard against betrayal. That is betrayal by neighbors, the government, by parents, by colleagues, by friends and one of the most popularly talked about – betrayal by a lover or spouse. One way or the other everyone has experienced this phenomenon, in fact some of you probably might have lost a big business deal, a huge amount of money, some property or the love and respect of a someone you cherished – because you got betrayed by someone.

betrayal 3“To stay angry is to be a victim……you need to move on …….because that’s the real victory!!!”

Anyway, if I were to ask now “…Is betrayal a good thing or a bad thing?” – I wonder what your response would be? Well if I had to guess I think almost everyone would say “… Of course, betrayal is a bad thing.” – Well! You wouldn’t be wrong if you said that. But, this word we’ve tagged bad can also be GOOD! “…Okay!!!! Hold it!” – Before you crucify me let me explain.

 

So, how can betrayal be a good thing? You ask…. This is how I see it. If at a certain point in time you were not betrayal you probably wouldn’t have been able to push past your comfort zone to get to the higher heights that you need to get to. To a lot of people betrayal was a much needed push factor. Please don’t reject this school of thought until you’ve given yourself time to ponder seriously on it. Now, think back on what made you take that first courageous move…. It might have been you starting your business alone when initially you didn’t think yourself up to the task, or you working so hard on developing yourself. Think real hard on what the starting point to building your self confidence was. Is it possible that you would realize that after going through that experience of hurt and betrayal you got yourself up and made that bold move into the next phases in your life? Don’t rush take your time.

betrayal 1

Human beings are generally creatures of comfort and it would take a lot to push us out of our comfort zone. We all seek earnestly to move up to the next level in life but most of us are not ready to give up that comfort zone for anything just yet. Well, getting out of your comfort zone is a requirement in the journey to the next level and for that to happen most times an external force is required to push us. Just like Sir Isaac Newton’s first law of motion states every object will remain at rest unless compelled to change its state by the action of an external force. In this case, betrayal is that external force. But, please I would like to state that not everyone will have to experience betrayal as a push factor; but for those who do I’d liKe you to see it (Betrayal) as a step to the next new level in your life.

betrayal 4STAY STRONG!!!!

 

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WHO IS THAT SPECIAL PERSON?   10 comments

you are special 1WHO IS THAT SPECIAL PERSON?

Sometimes, when I hear the sound of a car slowing down am tempted to peek and check is that for me could someone have thought of me and even driven down just to check on me? I get excited at the thought, but as always the car slowing down to a halt is not for me…..thinking about it now I feel pathetic but that’s really how I feel, having to put up a strong face can be tiring but I have gone from putting up a strong face to really being strong……it’s just that in moments of loneliness you wish you had that special someone……I thought I had found my special some one quite recently…..a part of me screamed “the search is over he is here”….there was peace a very relaxing calm peace that I just can’t explain but it was there and it was quite reassuring…..it’s the reason I held on….for so long….only to have that door slammed ruthlessly in my face…….wow!!! Life is a very long journey with a lot of displeasing and uncomfortable turns……then, when Isaac Samuel Adekunle was in my life the sound of the car coming to a halt by my window was for me….and his visits would make the evenings feel complete and perfect….we would talk and laugh and feel good sharing our challenges …..at least that’s what it felt like for me…….sigh!!! I enjoyed it ….In fact I secretly wished it would never end…..but, it was never meant to be; for the one who led me on like we were something really special ….had other plans he had someone else on the side …..Someone he planned to marry…..and did not tell me until the day of the marriage……it still baffles me though. where did he find the time for her-he spent everyday with me…..where and how did she come into the picture….or was she always there and I was so stupid and naive not to have noticed?

…..I still remember how hard it was to breath when my phone beeped and full of excitement on seeing his name across my screen of my mobile phone…. I open the text message and the message read…. You did not congratulate me……. Today is my TRAD…….(Trad is short for traditional marriage)….I never thought an involuntary action such as breathing could become such a big laborious task. I had to struggle to get the right amount of air into my lungs cause it felt like my system was shutting down and from the corner of my eyes darkness was creeping in……I steadied myself holding on to the counter in the kitchen saying it was a joke….”I just spoke to him two days ago we spoke for almost an hour, he said nothing about a trad…..it cant be what I think it is, he probably meant to say he was at a trad and it was a typo”……I tried calling, but he wouldn’t pick up and then my phone beeps again……another message ……”I can’t talk now”…….confusion pretty much set in at this point in my already muddled up mind……so I asked the dreaded question in the form of a text I said to him ….”Are you saying today is your traditional wedding?” To which he answered simply……”yes!” Then, he tries to make it light by saying he told me….which just threw me off the edge because right now another lie is not what I need ….then my brother sees traditional wedding photos on his blackberry phone……..that cleared all my doubts “so it true my supposed special person went on with someone else……I wasn’t special after all. I was just statistics to him”…..that hurt even more……I felt hurt, broken and betrayed on top of everything…..he wasn’t who he portrayed himself to be. I asked myself over and over was there ever a sign? Did I overlook something? Well, now that I have had time to think about it….yes I over looked a few important things……

 

1- First, never give people a clean slate when first you meet them, they all have a past and you cannot go on with them like they never did….their stories give you an inkling into the kind of person you are about to let into you life.

2- Don’t be in a rush to get too familiar, most of the time when we get too comfortable we get blind sided to a lot of warning signs….which reveal themselves with time.

3- Note  that, his action and his words are two different things….in a man’s world words are a strong indication of his true intentions……if he does not verbally define what you both have don’t assume it’s anything…..make sure you hear him say it….no matter how shy a man is……if his into you he will state it….although there are some of them who need a lil push…for e.g. The idea of a man about to loose a woman that he holds dear….would make him brace up and state his claim….if he doesn’t then he probably was never going to…. So why waste more time hanging around him.

4- When a guy starts hanging around you a lot without stating his intentions…..make it clear to him that you don’t spend that much time with people who are in the friend category…. And that your time is reserved for someone a lot more special. So it either he Admits he want to fill the position of the special man In Your life or he gets going.

5- A man who is into you does not need an excuse to see you; he would talk with you and come see you because he just can’t have a enough. No man is ever to busy for a woman he is crazy about….especially when you’re still at the wooing stage.

6- Realize your self worth! If so many women understood that they are nobody’s door mat and cannot and will not be treated as one ….there would be less broken hearts…..so many men have taken women for a ride because women do not have an idea of their self worth……..listen to the story of any happily married woman she would say something like “he treats me with respect”……”he treats me like a queen.” basically their husbands make them feel good with themselves……if your man makes you feel less than yourself and you let him, then honey you need to quickly do some self re-evaluation. KNOW YOUR WORTH!!!

7- And Lastly, but very important wait for God‘s instruction before you move him up from the friend category, because it’s is important that what you are about to start is God approved……I mean think of it why would you start a journey if you know that you are not going to get to your destination…….why would you give him your heart if he has no intentions of holding unto it for the rest of his life? Plus to hear God’s instruction in the first place you have to first be his friend…..don’t treat him like a D.O.G you would visit once in a while…..but like a G.O.D who longs for your companionship……..treat him the way you want that special person you’re waiting for to treat to you………my new phrase…..”If you’re about God’s work, God is going to be about YOU!

 you are special

Note from Writer

Hi guys, I decided to put this out there because a lot of ladies have confided in me about nasty break ups, and then they move to throw themselves a pity party, next stop “SHE BECOMES A MAN HATER!” sigh!!! Agreed, we have some down right nasty brothers out there, but ladies, you can’t completely put the blame on their door step. I saw a phrase a while back it said “A man’s lack of commitment is because there is a lack of necessity to commit from the woman.” ladies you need to realize that you should require a man to state where your relationship is heading, because if you are in a relationship where you don’t know the direction, you can loose yourself and get hurt. Another issue worth mentioning … Ladies when a man says you guys are just friends he means you are just friend and nothing more. Quit having a relationship with him in your head; you’ll only hurt yourself. If you treat yourself as a prized being he’ll treat you accordingly; don’t leave your heart or body carelessly. Guard your heart, your time, your information. Don’t in your minds eye go ahead and put someone in your future that is not committed to you, that is just recipe for more heart breaks. So ladies its time to wise up, realize your worth, take responsibility for your wellbeing; and lastly, you attract people to you when you look like you are having a good time. So go out there and live LIFE!!!

YOUR WORDS HAVE POWER   3 comments

power of words 4

YOUR WORDS HAVE POWER

The mouth is a dangerous weapon, which can work for or against you, depending on how it is used. Your mouth is not meant for eating alone it is also an instrument for charting the course of your life.

Words truly do have power. Have you ever noticed the response or reaction you receive when you say certain things? That’s because the words we use affect the outcome of the situation. They enrich us or they can cut us to the bone as if we were cut with a knife.

Even though we communicate in many different ways, through a look or a touch, a smile, or even the way we stand, our words are even more important. They not only express our views on the subject we’re presenting, they also represent who we are as an individual.

 

Speaking comes to most people as naturally as breathing. On many occasions our words are uttered without conscious thought; in fact we rarely stop and think about what we are saying. Thousands of words pour out of our mouths each day as our thoughts, opinions, judgements and beliefs are freely expressed. Often, however, we are oblivious to the positive or negative effect these words have on ourselves and the people around us.

Words have tremendous power. Words give out energy and a message which creates a reaction in others. Everything you say produces an effect in the world. Whatever you say to someone else will produce some kind of an effect in that person. We are constantly creating something, either positive or negative with our words.

 

power of words 1“In the hands of a careful person words can work to do great good. But in d hands of a careless person,words can cause great harm.”

 

You should also note that, the reactions we get to our words often returns to us often in a multiplied form. If we’re angry our words can be forceful, rude, demeaning and hurtful. If we are happy our words can be joyful, happy, loving, and peaceful.That person’s response to the words we speak will be stronger because it will have the emotion created by the words attached to it. The power of words has a ripple effect in our life and those around us.

 

Recently I came across the work of Dr Emoto, and his studies on water crystals. He took samples of water, froze them and took photographs of the water crystals. He then wrote words on vials of water taken from the same source. The crystals formed in the vials which had positive words, such as love and gratitude, were beautiful. However the crystals in the vials with negative words such as hate and evil were very different and the water didn’t even form crystals in some instances. Experiments were done using words from different languages, and also by the scientists having no knowledge of what the words meant. The results were similar (see pictures below). The finding of this study on water crystals has had a profound impact on me. The human body is known to be composed of up to ninety percent water. If words had such a significant impact on water crystals, then what is the impact of positive and negative words to our bodies?

power of words 5 (Dr Emoto)“The sound of your voice and the things you say are more important than you know.”

 

When we speak we use words to describe things, our mind creates the picture. When we hear the words of a song we do the same thing. Those words can either build us up or tear us down. They help create positive self esteem or break down our self esteem. Words encourage us to be our best or they rip away our self worth and trust in our abilities to reach goals and life’s ambitions.

An important key to success in life is to understand the power of words. A word is a thought eternalized. Our thoughts do have a great effect on us even though they are internal. What we think effects the way we live our life, it effects our emotions, our attitudes and our behaviour. A thought spoken, however, has even more power. It can never be taken back; it is out of our mouth and will have an effect. Our words have even more power than our thoughts because they not only affect ourselves, but the people and the world around us.

Time To Change Your World

“You think being vulgar wit your words is cool, when in reality everyone loves a person who has encouraging or uplifting things to say.”

 

Successful people take control of their words, rather than letting their words control them. They are more conscious of their thoughts and words and the power they unleash. Successful people understand that they need to speak positively rather than negatively in order to see success. Successful people are characterized by the words that they speak. They know the importance of speaking words that will build self-esteem and confidence, build relationships and build possibilities. They speak words of affirmation, encouragement, love, acceptance and appreciation.

To see more personal success, the words that we speak need to be in alignment with what we want to see being produced in our life – our vision and our dreams. Your words can determine your destiny. Even more importantly, your words can make a positive difference on the people you interact with every day. Before you speak ask yourself: Is what I am about to say going to uplift the hearer? Will it inspire, motivate, and create forward momentum for them? Will it dissolve fear and create safety and trust? Will I create a positive or negative ripple effect by speaking out these words? Let‘s be determined to unleash the power of words for positive change.

It has been said that our eyes are windows to our soul and I believe that our words are also an indication of whom and what we are inside.

Words either give us hope or they bring despair. They are key to how we learn. From birth we are taught to communicate not only through touch, sight, and sound but through words.

Almost every emotion we feel as a human being is affected or created by the words we hear or say. Proverbs 13 verse 3 says that whoever guards his mouth preserves his life and he who opens his lips wide comes to ruin. So even in silence our words are powerful.

The very words we utter every day create the world we live in. They have THE to power to crush countries and the power to build nations anew.

Just for one day think about the words you use, think about the effect they have on you and the people around you. Use positive words instead of negative and see if the results you receive are different. I can bet you will be amazed.

power of words 2“By your choice of words you can influence others in positive ways and as a result achieve peace and prosperity in your life.”

SELF REINVENTION   Leave a comment

 20130423-022222.jpgSelf Reinvention

Reinvention!!! I love the idea behind the word. It’s like the perfect ticket into an imaginary world. You can make what ever situation as glamorous and elegant as ever, and then stop and start all over again at will. But what I love most is the possibility for one to reinvent themselves. That is to give yourself a little boost or a new zest to life. Now, you know to reinvent yourself you have to be daring and willing to go ahead and do things you normally wouldn’t do, because, if you stay within your comfort zone, true reinvention will not be fully experienced.

 

create life” The 3 C’s of life: Choices, Chances, Changes. You must make a choice to take a chance or your life will never change.”

Anyway, I see that a lot of us girls like to go for some retail therapy as if getting a new wardrobe was all the boost we needed right?… Well, I’ll admit retail therapy is not bad, in fact I’ve had to do that a couple of times myself …lol! But, you see it’s a momentary relief and not to mention the fact that it’s an expensive habit. Have I got you screaming “Go straight to the point girl!!!” “lol! Okay I will.” For me I see self reinvention as a thing of the mind first, before moving on to attitude. Have you ever heard the saying “pick up a monkey from the jungle clean and dress it up, and then place it in the city… It’s still going to act like the monkey in the jungle.” sadly, that’s what a lot of us are doing. Hoping for a new lease in life and thinking we can get it through the thing we find on some shelf in a shop? Or some people we’ve tagged the “IT CROWD!” it’s important that you realize that you don’t need to find your identity in what you wear or who you follow. Your true identity comes from within, and you have to make sure that you keep developing yourself. Self reinvention is the starting point for that journey towards self development.

self reinvention” Making a big life change is pretty scary. But, you want to know what is more scarier? Regret!!!”

Now, let’s break it down what is self reinvention? Well, am certainly not talk about you hauling up yourself to some surgeon to change your body parts. What I am talking about here is you starting off on a clean slate, like you’ve just been re-born. Basically, it’s to remake or re-do your perspective or approach towards life completely. Note however, that it doesn’t really matter what prompted you to move towards re-inventing yourself. What’s really important is the “choice” to reinvent yourself!!! You need to realize that self reinvention is first a decision then an act before it becomes a story you tell others. It might take the conscious effort of acquiring an extra-curricular skill that you think would come in handy, but often it is done unconsciously. I remember, back in the days before I got on radio, I always imagined myself there, even before I started working. As a child, I started my own radio show had a make believe radio station we (a friend, my sister and I) called ALF fm. Back then for me it was just another extra curricular activity something else to do outside school work. It was my way of getting a new lease in life outside my regular schedule. And one day, I took that very scary decision to leave my white collar “regular” 9am – 5pm job even with the promise of an increase, and I moved on to radio. It was very scary, I wasn’t sure I was doing the right thing, and worst I did not have a lot of supporters. But, it was something deep down inside me I knew I wanted to do. I’ve been on radio now for a couple of years and I have not regretted that decision to move on one bit.

Realize this, reinventing oneself is not exactly a walk in the park although, for some it might be. But, there is always going to be doubt and fear…. This is where I will now talk about those excuses we often come up with that stop us from reinventing ourselves.

 

self reinvention 1

WHAT’S YOUR EXCUSE?

 So here are five common stories that may trip you up on the way to self-reinvention, and some suggestions to begin to deal with them: –

The Responsibility Story: “I’m responsible for so many things/people/situations that I don’t have time to reinvent myself.” Flip this story by recognizing that true responsibility starts with you, and works outward. If ever there was a time to embrace this, it’s now. I will say, give some of that responsibility back to others, and for once put yourself first. –

The Scarcity Story: “Nothing ever works out so why bother trying?” you need to flip this story by connecting with others who are committed to reinvention. You will be pulled along by their enthusiasm, and begin to cultivate your own. –

The Perfection Story: “If I can’t be the best I won’t even consider it.” again flip this story by recognizing that human beings have to make mistakes before they get really good at something. Making mistakes makes you better at what you do, because you learn and grow from them. –

The Magic Story: “If it doesn’t come easily/fast then it’s not meant to be.” Flip this story by recognizing that magic happens when you take an active role in creating it yourself. And if you fully embrace the process of reinvention, rather than waiting for magic, you may be surprised by how fast things actually do start to fall into place. –

The I Just Want to Have Fun Story: “It’s too hard, too much work – it will cut into my time for the rest of my life.” Again I say, flip this story by recognizing that reinvention can be fun too, and that if you are pursuing something you truly value, you are fully capable of creating joy in the doing of it. In fact, it will actually give you more energy for the rest of your life. Do what you love. Do something because you really want to. You can’t lose. Your passions can become useful in surprising ways. Each time you have to reinvent yourself, you will find that the life you have lived is every bit as important as the job you have been paid for. What lies behind successful self-reinvention is the act of giving value to everything we have done. What should you be doing with your life? You should be doing what you think is valuable.

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Steps To Reinvent Yourself

So, at this point the question I ask is, are you serious about reinventing yourself? I’m not talking about polishing yourself, improving yourself, making things a bit better. I’m talking about hitting the reset button—a reinvention that changes the game. That means an overhaul in your approach to life. If you’re up for that, then right here, right now, you can start. How? Easy! ….just read on.

Step One: Wake Up!

Realize that you’re not a victim to the bad economy, job market or your limited job skills. You have your hands on the steering wheel (whether it feels like it or not). Your life is on purpose. You designed it to get where you are. Quit feeling sorry for yourself, blaming, arguing and being depressed. Take back your power and start dreaming up something better. Are you afraid to pursue a better life because it’s not “realistic?” Consider this: When you “face reality” you’re accepting someone else’s idea of how life works and what is possible for you. When you say, “I will only face the reality I want to see,” you gain control of your life.

change your mind set

“What messes us up most in life is the picture we have in our head of how it is supposed to be.”

Step Two: Dream

We’re told from the time we’re children to stop dreaming, to get our heads out of the clouds and face reality. Yet dreaming creates reality. Dreams make us feel happy, raise our energy levels, and tap into our brilliance – which is where solutions live. Quit facing reality (and being pitiful). Instead, start dreaming of what you want to happen. Sit quietly for ten minutes and ask yourself: What would make me happy right now? What would make me happy this week? What do I want to happen in the next six months? Where do I want my life to be one year from now? What do I want my life to look like in five years? When the answers make you giggle, you’ve got it right. You won’t find your great work by thinking in a limited, small-minded way. You must dream BIG in order to find new answers.

Step Three: Ask Questions 

The question to ask is not: What can I do? The right question is: What do I love doing? Your greatest accomplishments most times come from your innate talent which comes gracefully and easily to you. If you’re not working from those innate talents, your work will be a chore, uninspired and unsuccessful. So ask yourself – What makes you different from your best friend? Your spouse? Your sister? What do you love doing when you have a day to yourself? What do your friends tell you you’re good at? What do you value in a career? What has been your favorite thing to do and why? What are you passionate about? Ask these questions until you get an answer.

Step Four: Move past the Pain, Doubt and Fear

What is your greatest pain? Have you lost someone you love? Have you suffered injustices or been ignored? Sometimes our deepest hurt is a powerful clue for finding our calling in life. Realizing this, not just helps to heal us but also heal the world as well. Our work /calling heals us by letting us offer to the world exactly what we need to heal ourselves. With this discovery we become relevant/valuable thus the healing begins for you and many others, remember what makes self-reinvention successful is the act of giving value. Plus by facing our pain, we turn it into energy. It moves us forward. Ask yourself what pain needs healing now? Let that answer guide you to do what you love. “Choose courage instead of letting your fear choose your future for you.” Step

Five: Visualize

Consider the possibility that if you spent even a couple minutes each day seeing positive outcomes for the things you worry about, life would go in a better direction. It’s worth a little experimenting? When we imagine what we want to happen, we tap into creative energy – the boundless realm of ever-changing possibilities. Our powerful thoughts attract circumstances and people in alignment with what we’re focusing on. This is not just talking its something I have experienced first hand per and over again. I always say “thought becomes things… Choose the good ones!”

Step Six: Spring Into Action!

After doing the steps described above, it’s essential that you take action. Go out into the world and research whatever new ideas you’ve come up with; Meet people, network, make phone calls, and take tangible steps in a new direction. Connect -for example, Look at the social media as a crack in the wall between you and the rest of the world. It’s a choice that’s up to you. And, once you begin moving forward in any direction – even if it’s the wrong direction – you’ll be pulled into the flow of forward-moving energy, and you’ll be guided to the right people and opportunities eventually. Forward motion takes on a life of its own. Personally I think any movement is better than no movement.

Step Seven: Accept Change!

Always look at change as the solution – not the problem. As difficult as that might sound its the way forward. Change is inevitable, even our bodies are constantly changing; our cells replicating and dying. Our minds and spirits change as we have new experiences.

When we’re changing, we’re in the flow of life. If we’re not changing and moving forward, we’re stagnant and cut off. We must learn to embrace change, because like it or not it always takes us to a better place.

Your approach to life should not be a solid, unchanging object. It changes form as you interact with the world and have new thoughts and beliefs.

What works for you today will change tomorrow. That’s a good thing! Ride the wave of change and life will unfold gracefully.

Learn to use your thoughts, beliefs, and feelings to make your life better, and to pursue your dreams passionately. Take a grand step towards a happier life. Just take it one step at a time.

In conclusion, I will say congratulation! You already took a first step. You read something that challenged you to think differently. The path to reinvention, though, is just that—a path. The opportunity of our time is to discard what you think you know and instead learn what you need to learn. Every single day…. Like the author Seth Godin says now–right now–is the best time to transform your life. Have a great time reinventing yourself. I am working on reinventing myself… Are you? So, do you have a story about self-reinvention? If so, I’d love to hear it!

20130423-012442.jpg” When you “face reality” you’re accepting someone else’s idea of how life works and what is possible for you.”

SINGLE, HAPPY AND SATISFIED   9 comments

SINGLE, HAPPY AND SATISFIED

How can you be single and be satisfied?

woman satisfied

      Breakups are hard on everyone — but after the initial pain and sorrow passes you will find that flying solo isn’t that bad. In fact it can be downright fun….shocked? I felt the same way until I started experiencing it myself, so am here to tell you that it is possible to be SINGLE, HAPPY AND SATISFIED!!!

But of course like anything else there are steps to take….I’ll start by stating you need to, First proactively decide that you want to be happy, you’re not going to be a happy married person if you are not a happy single person.

So, Whether you’ve just been dumped, or you’ve decided to end your current relationship, there are a few things you need to remember to make the most out of being single.  Even if it wasn’t your choice to be back in the world of single living, the only thing you can really do is embrace it.  So here are some things you need to memorize and put into action in your life to enjoy and embrace being single

 

TIPS TO BEING SINGLE, HAPPY AND SATISFIED

woman happy

BE POSITIVE

There is nothing, absolutely nothing, worse than a single man or woman who is consumed with unhappiness.  Not everyone can be happy all of the time—it s impossible.  But when negativity takes over your life, there’s something wrong.

Stay positive about your single status.  It’s not going to last forever.  In fact, how long you stay single is mostly up to you.  If you’re wallowing in negative thoughts, you won’t have your eyes open when someone special comes around.

If you can’t seem to see the sunny side of life, no matter how hard you try, try a little harder.  If you still can’t embrace a little positivity, it might be time to talk to someone.

 

TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF

You have to take a little time to take care of yourself:  both physically and emotionally.  Remember to take care of your body.  Keep yourself in the best shape you can be in, buy yourself a new outfit or a pair of shoes, get a haircut, freshen yourself up— you’re single, take care of yourself and feel good.

On the emotional side of things, remember to exercise your mind and your emotions.  Read a book, something that makes you feel happy for me that would be a good movie…lol! You can also try keeping a journal to record how you feel on a day to day basis.  Try something new.

 

KEEP LIFE EXCITING

Don’t find yourself in a rut.  Keep the excitement flowing through your veins.  For some people, it’s as simple as walking home from work a different way.  For others, it’s going on an adventure:  rock-climbing (which I tried by the way and it’s totally awesome) you can go site seeing basically go for what excites you.

Singles, especially people who have recently joined the ranks of the single community, need to shake things up.  Try to get out there and experience new things in relation to the dating world:  That means you can go out on a couple of date nights with some friends. if you’ve never taken an arts and craft class, if you’ve never gone dancing…you get the point.  Get out there.  Make sure you have sparks in your life!

 

DON’T OBSESS

Life is about change.  Your life has recently changed, in a big way.  You are no longer someone’s other half (and maybe you never really were).  Things change; it’s life.  But don’t obsess about the change.

If you find yourself saying your ex-partner’s name every three words, or if you can see your friends begin to roll their eyes when you talk about what life was like before the break-up, then you’re probably obsessing.  If you keep comparing every one you meet to your old surpposed Mr. or Ms. Right, then you’re probably obsessing.

If you keep on obsessing, you won’t be ready when someone new comes along and you’ll probably drive your friends and family crazy in the process! Watch it!!!

 

HAVE FUN!

Being single is about having fun as much as it’s about complaining about being single and being insanely jealous of all the other couples you know.  Start up a singles night with your single friends where you do something exciting every week, even if it’s just switching to a new hang out spot.  Keep fun in your heart and you’ll enjoy your single days for how ever long they might happen to last!

 

LEARN HOW TO BE SINGLE

It can be tough to remember how to be single, especially if you’ve been coupled-up for a good long while.  Learning how to be single again can be tough, but if you follow a few simple rules to enjoying the single life, you’ll be smiling.  And then…eventually, you won’t be so single anymore.  But don’t be in a huge rush.  Being single can be tons of fun! take your time and enjoy it.

 

MYTHS OF BEING SINGLE

woman unsatisfied

Myth -Singleness equals loneliness. 

This is simply not the case. The only single people who claim to be lonely are those who choose to be lonely.  One of the reasons why singleness seems so scary is because of the term itself:  Single.  It has almost become a swear word in today’s society.  It creates the image of a lone person, going through life with no friends and no family. Is this what you think of when you hear the word “single?”.  “Being single” only means the lack of a marriage or dating partner.  To call yourself lonely when all you lack is one person in your life is irrational.  A lonely single is actually a selfish single because their focus is on themselves instead of on others.

   

Myth -A relationship will help me feel better about myself.

A relationship is not an insurance policy for happiness, satisfaction, or fulfillment.  A relationship will not magically solve or cover up your problems.  Forget about all the perfect-couple images painted by the media.  Relationships actually magnify existing problems and create new ones.  Part of being in a relationship is learning how to solve problems.  If you can’t solve problems on your own, you won’t be able to do so with someone else.

If you don’t feel good about yourself, then you need to work on that before seeking a relationship, as people generally don’t look for someone with low self-esteem.  One of the key points that I state here several times is that you must be happy with yourself first.  The purpose of entering into a relationship is to share yourself with another person; not to try to get from someone else what you feel lacks in yourself.  Relationships (romantic and other) can’t be all “take” – you have to give as well.  Expecting someone else to fill your voids usually results in disappointment, a sense of failure, and resentment.  The way you feel about yourself is apparent to others, and if you seek a relationship hoping that the other person will somehow improve you, you will actually end up driving that person away.  You have to be happy with yourself before you can expect to get along with others.  If you believe that you cannot be happy on your own, you will be less confident and more dependent on others for your happiness.

If you feel trapped by singleness and are looking for someone to rescue you, then you need to first work on becoming content as a single person and gaining more confidence in yourself.  Become successful as a single first before worrying about success in relationships.  If you’re not content with being single, then you probably won’t be content with a relationship either.  Don’t make your happiness dependent on whether you are in a relationship or not.  Life is too short to spend a majority of it feeling depressed over something within your control.  You already have the key to unlock the singleness trap.  You just have to choose to use it. You just have to decide to be happy….Abraham Lincoln said, “Most people are about as happy as they make up their mind to be.”

 

Myth – If I’m single and can’t find anyone, it means something is wrong with me, or that I’m a failure. 

Being single can be very unsettling and can certainly make people ask themselves, “Is there something wrong with me?”  The answer is a big NO. Every one of us has something wrong with them.  Nobody on this planet is perfect.

Failing at something does not make you a failure.  Regardless of how many times you have attempted and failed, it does not mean anything is wrong with you.  It simply means that there are changes that need to be made.  However, you should try to look at what you have done and make an effort to change what you know isn’t working.  Use this time to take an inventory of yourself and see if there are any personal areas you think you could improve in.

Myth -Being single is unacceptable and I must be in a committed relationship as soon as possible. 

You might think that committed relationships and marriage are the ideal lifestyle, but it’s not the only lifestyle.  If you believe that being single is unacceptable, then you will end up seeking relationships just because you want one, because “it’s the thing to do”, or because “everyone’s doing it.”  a young lady once said to me when i asked her why would she want to get get married and she said boldly to me “Because society expects it of me….” Wow! Now, that answer caught me of guard but if like this young lady, you want to jump into marriage because of what someone else thinks? I would say you need to learn to be your own person and do your thinking for yourself plus this often leads to unhealthy relationships, unnecessary stress, a worsened self-image, and emotional burnout.  You are your own person.  Your decisions should not be based on what everyone else is doing.  Remember the saying  “If everyone was jumping off a cliff, would you…”?

Bottom line:  Being single is not unacceptable by any means.  What’s unacceptable is seeking a relationship for the sole purpose of having one.  It’s also selfish.

 

Myth – Singleness is meant to be a “waiting period” for finding the right person. 

This may be true for some, but it’s not an across-the-board fact.  If this is made the main focus of singleness, it actually becomes overwhelming.  You may have heard the term “waiting for the ship to come in.”  That creates the fallacy that one day, you will find that special person and then your life will suddenly become meaningful.  The idea of “waiting” can give you the false impression that something is missing.  This can have a serious negative impact on your life.  You may put off certain plans and aspects of your life until you happen to meet someone.  As time goes on, you’ll realize that you have been wasting your life away.  It may get to the point where your only goal in life is to find someone, and you’ll find yourself feeling unmotivated to take care of other things.  Don’t put your life on hold just because you are single.  You are the only one that decides how you will live your life.  You can make the most of it, or you can let it waste away; it’s your choice.  None of us knows what is going to happen in the future, and if you are presently single, this is a time of opportunity for you.  Your singleness is what you make of it.  It can be a good experience if you want it to be.  So, instead of wasting time just waiting around for the “right one”, use your time as a single to get to know the person that is responsible for making you happy – that’s you.

 

Myth – Accepting singleness is giving up or admitting defeat. 

Accepting singleness is not a defeat; it’s a victory.  Despite the way it sounds, accepting singleness does not mean resigning the rest of your life to an unhappy state of being single.  Accepting singleness means that you have conquered your fears and anxieties about being single.  It shows that you do not buy into the myths and stereotypes about being single.  It is not easy to accept singleness and many people think they can’t do it, or will even refuse to do it.  When you accept singleness, you are declaring that you are strong enough to do life on your own, and that you don’t need another person for a crutch.  It shows that you are independent.  Accepting singleness means you can resist the constant feeling of needing to be a part of a couple, regardless of the influences around you.  You are making the most of this time in your life instead of wasting time in unnecessary despair.  Lastly, and most importantly, it means that you are happy with who you are. Which is a very important aspect to discovering yourself.

Myth – There are no advantages to being single. 

Okay! I know this might be a tired old cliché but,  the saying “every cloud has a silver lining” applies here.  Remember that there are two sides to being single.  As I mentioned earlier, it’s easy to focus exclusively on the negative aspects of being single.  This can lead us to the false notion that there are no advantages to being single.  The fact of the matter is that there are advantages to being single…..these advantages may include more freedom to do what you want, when you want and with whomever you want….so why don’t you write down all the advantages you can think of to being single. And whenever you start to feel down you can refer to this list.

 

I will wrap it all up by saying: singles please don’t  put your life on hold, go out there and get a life…….and, please quit idolizing the institution of marriage……..marriage is the right thing when you meet the right person that you want to wake with everyday.

 

woman shopping Just have a blast…….

We can’t allow the waiting waste our time just like we cant allow the wrong man /woman to waste our time, so you have to live life to the fullest because Christ said “I have come that you might have life and have it more abundantly (John 10v10) And he didn’t say have it more abundantly after you get married did he? he said have it more abundantly period!

So singles, go on that cruise now!

Buy that piece of jewelry now!

Buy that car now!

Buy that house now!

Handle your finances now!

Don’t wait! Particularly to my sisters, don’t wait for a prince charming to come along and rescue you. He might come with more baggage and maybe a tired old horse and a rusty armor (looooool!!!)

And, if we’re honest with ourselves, it’s the external pressures that become more unbearable than the internal pressure…right?

So singles while you’re waiting have a blast…… And ensure you serve those that are available to be served and love those that are available to be loved.

Single people are very significant. And don’t let anyone tell you different. I hope you become what you want to attract.

 

happy man

“For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to. Prosper you and not to harm, plans to give you HOPE and a future.” Jeremiah 29v11

“STAY SINGLE, HAPPY AND SATISFIED!!!”

THE GIFT OF CHRISTMAS   2 comments

 

d gift of xmas

 

THE GIFT OF CHRISTMAS

The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree: the presence of a happy family all wrapped up in each other.
– Burton Hillis

 

 

Ok so its Christmas and everyone is busy shopping and all, but the most interesting part of shopping are the gifts people are expecting this season…..so I thought to take a minute to talk on the gift of Christmas Now we know that Christmas is the yearly celebration of the birth of Jesus, but it is truly a gift that we must experience each day. I share with you and all my readers the following thoughts — based on a meditation by an anonymous author — which enlighten us during the busy holiday season and sums up the true meaning of what we hope to celebrate as people of faith.

the gift of hope

“The joy of brightening other lives, bearing each others’ burdens, easing other’s loads and supplanting empty hearts and lives with generous gifts becomes for us the magic of Christmas.” 
WC Jones

Christmas is a present, not a past.

Christmas should not be just a historical date to remember, but a gift to be lived.

When you decide to love those around you, that day is Christmas.

When you take the first step to be at peace with a loved one, that day is Christmas.

When you meet someone who asks for help and you assist them with all your heart, that day is Christmas.

 

If there is no joyous way to give a festive gift, give love away

 

SANTA'S GIFT SHARING

When you take time to talk to someone who is lonely and sad, that day is Christmas.

When you understand that resentment can be transformed by forgiveness, that day is Christmas.

When you let go of something to give to someone who needs it more than you, that day is Christmas.

When you realize that love, service and authentic concern are the best gifts, that day is Christmas.

When you decide to live with joy and hope rather than surrender to fear and sadness, that day is Christmas.

 

Christmas is something that was born in the heart of God — who motivated by pure love — sent his son Jesus to save us. Yet, Christmas comes alive this season when we allow its true significance to be born in our hearts. May the beautiful holiday lights, parties, shopping and the exhausting rush of these days not distract us from the true meaning of what Christmas really is — and can be.

 

Oh! By the way the secret to finding the MAGIC of Christmas is to experience Christmas from the eyes of a child!!!

d magic of xmas

Our hearts grow tender with childhood memories and love of kindred, and we are better throughout the year for having, in spirit, become a child again at Christmas-time.
~Laura Ingalls Wilder

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO YOU ALL… Muuah!!!!

 

IMPROVING YOUR SELF WORTH   3 comments

 

 

IMPROVING YOUR SELF WORTH

I recently discovered that I don’t put enough value on my self, so many people are this category with me and call it all sort of names one of the most popular name given to this is humility…well news flash it is not humility to sell yourself short. Why should he treat you the way it suits him regardless of how you feel or why should you allow her into your mind where she easily manipulates you. Work on your self worth, because you know you can be the most beautiful/ handsome person in the world and everybody sees you as great, but if you don’t know it for yourself all of that doesn’t matter. Every second that you spend doubting your worth, is a moment of your life thrown away. You have forever so don’t throw even one of your moments away. The great Malcolm X once said “We cannot think of being acceptable to others until we have first proven acceptable to ourselves.”

Self worth comes from within; you wont find it by having more money, having more friends, having a fancy car or a big house. it is something intrinsic and something we can’t gain extrinsically, meaning we won’t find self worth from external factors.

Your self worth is a function of how you value yourself. To build your self worth you must first discover your values and then make up your own definition of success. Your values are nothing more than what you value in life. You probably already know that society places excessive value on the outward appearances of success, such as money, material possessions, physical appearance, marital status, career and so on. In contrast, little consideration is ever given to the loftier values of a person, such as love, integrity, kindness, emotional intelligence, forgiveness and inner balance, when defining one’s success. This means that we have a warped definition of success based largely on outward appearances, which really results in a warped sense of self worth. Well lets take a look at a few tips I recently discovered to help improve our self worth:

 

Discover How You Value Yourself

 

You are likely to find that specific outward appearances automatically trigger a need within you to compare yourself to others, whether it is how much money someone else has or is making, how physically attractive they are, their relationship status or what material possessions they own and so on. Dig a little deeper and you will find that you have unconsciously placed an undue value on these outward appearances and are using them to determine your own self worth. In other words, how much money you have, how attractive you are and so on, have become the determining function of your self worth, and usually in isolation of all your other qualities and achievements. Such specific comparisons leave you temporarily feeling either better or worse about yourself, depending on where you ranked yourself on society’s scale of success.

 

Understand the power of your attitude toward yourself and views about yourself

 

 

How you perceive yourself, how you talk about yourself, and how you represent yourself eventually become the reality for you. And if it happens that you’re putting yourself down, belittling your worth, and making light of your talents in the face of others, then you will come across as self-destroying, low in self-esteem, and almost a part of the wallpaper. This isn’t humility, its self-denial and an attempt to lessen your presence. On the other hand, if you exaggerate your qualities, talents, and skills, you’ll come across as egotistical and arrogant but oddly enough; this is not about over-estimating your self-worth but about deceiving yourself through insecurity. There is a middle pathway and it is the one where you recognize and celebrate yourself. Celebrate the fact that you are a valuable person, equal to everyone else, and that your talents and thoughts are unique and worthy. Now, getting to this belief can be difficult if you have spent years underestimating your self worth but it is always possible to change your thoughts and to learn to value yourself. Like I said “hard” but not impossible

Learn to love yourself

 

 

 

 

Self-love is often equated with self-absorption, Vanity, and egotism. This is probably partly because the English language has a hard time dealing with the word “love” – it has to cover a lot of territory for the many different types of love out there. It is also caught up in the confusion people feel about the messaging to do good unto others, to always be charitable, and to give, give, give, of oneself. While these are noble intentions, they can often be taken out of proportion and used to downplay putting one’s own needs and wants beneath those of others out of a fear of being perceived as selfish or inward-looking. Again, this is about getting the balance right. Avoid superimposing how you think other people see you; how does it help you to surrender to their idea of you? Only you can give yourself the esteem boost needed. Learn to treat yourself with care, compassion, and lastly respect

 

Learn to self Analyze

Unfortunately we live in a time where we are very fond of going to see someone else to analyze us. Unless you’ve got a serious disorder, you do not need analysis by someone else. You need to analysis yourself so that you can clearly recognize where you’re underestimating yourself and short-changing yourself. Here are some questions for your self-analysis:

  • What experience have I had? How has this experience informed my growth?
  • What are my talents? List at least five.
  • What are my skills? Remember that talents are innate; skills need to be worked on to perfect them.
  • What are my strengths? Stop focusing on your weaknesses; you’ve probably done that long enough. Start looking at what your strengths are and start thinking about how you can make the most of them in the things you choose to do.
  • What do I want to be doing with my life? Am I doing it? If not, why not?
  • Am I happy with my health? If not, why not? And what can I do to move into wellness instead of living in sickness?
  • What makes me feel fulfilled? Am I working on that or am I busy working on other people’s fulfillment?

Don Not Base Your Self-worth on Other People

 

 

 

Once you try to live up to an image of what you think others want to you to be, you lose self-worth. Instead, you are following a scope set by other people’s expectations, whether or not those expectations are clearly defined or implied. Unfortunately, many people live this way, including making such choices as studies, career, where to live, and how many children to have, all based on expectations from parents, spouses, friends, and the media, and mostly because they are afraid of standing up for their own believes and preferences. You should instead be on the look out for people with healthy self-worth willing to share their insights and learning with you, people willing to guide you around life’s many traps. Look for those people to mentor you rather than being misguided by the unhappy people and allowing their negative words have a hold on you. Break the habit of trying to please everyone all of the time. That is impossible and even being a people pleaser will displease some people, particularly those with a high sense of self-worth who would cringe at your people pleasing behavior.

Learn to Value your time

Alongside undervaluing yourself because of the job you have or the earnings you make is that of how you spend your time. Stop neglecting parts of your life and consuming yourself with every other thing but your “You” time, things like spending pleasing family members, trying to please your boss or your colleagues. If you are stressed out, feeling undervalued, and you’re inadequately compensated, your balance of time has become skewed and has depleted your self-worth. Eventually this will lead to one of more of the following: being sick, being edgy and exploding. Evaluate the balance between the time you give away to others and how that time needs to spent on your own life. Could you be spending more time with your family and/or friends? If the answer to that is yes, then realize that your wealth resides in keeping that time for you and those you love, and reducing the amount of time you give away to others. It doesn’t mean that you have to give up helping out completely, but you do need to put community service or commitments to helping others into perspective.

Know That You Matter

 

 

 

Realistic self pep-talks are great and affirming your self-worth openly to yourself can be a very good way to start changing the internal negative junk that you might have developed over time. Take out time during the day to remind yourself that you’re a great person. Tell yourself you’re special, wonderful, lovable, and loved. Now, you need to note that affirmative talk is not the sole solution but it is part of a range of methods for boosting yourself and for taking out time to acknowledge that you do matter, as much as every person around you if not more

 

To wrap this up I would say if you must compete please compete with yourself and not with others plus learn how to live in the present I often say “Don’t live in the past unless you like to live in guilt and don’t live in the future unless you like to live in fear….Just focus on NOW!!!