Archive for the ‘Abuja’ Tag

Signs Fear is Slowly Breaking You Down   2 comments

fearSigns Fear is Slowly Breaking You Down

So many of us these days are riddled with fear.  It’s running the show in our lives, and taking the wheel in most of our decision-making.  But the funny thing is, most people don’t even know it.  This is partly because, in our culture, we tend to dress up “fear” in the more socially acceptable clothes of “stress.”  And stress … well, goodness… stress is practically a badge of success in our culture of busyness.

We’ve been taught to think that fear is for losers.  We see it as a weakness – something we should hide from others and deal with it alone behind closed doors.  But fear shouldn’t remain hidden or elicit shame.  Now more than ever, our fears need to shamelessly take center stage so we can let fear illuminate everything that is in need of healing in our lives, so we can finally be free.

But fear is tricky, and it shows up in all kinds of disguises.  And until you see it for what it is, it’s impossible to interact properly with fear.

How can you tell if fear is stifling your life and slowly breaking you down? Here are a few thoughts.

1. You find yourself striving in vain for an impossible-to-achieve standard of perfection.

progress not perfectionWhen you’re afraid (of criticism, failure and rejection), you’ll kill yourself trying to be perfect.  Of course, the mask of perfection also separates you from what you most want: real intimacy, to be known, loved, and accepted for your true self.

2. You settle.

When you’re afraid to take risks and go for what you really want, you convince yourself that your less-than-juicy life – your relationships, your job, the dismal state of your thinking – is as good as it gets.  When fear runs the show, you forget how to dream and stretch your comfort zone.  You compromise in the name of being “realistic.”  But settling isn’t realism; it’s a devastating symptom of the fear that what you hope is possible really isn’t.

3. You say yes when you mean no.

When you’re afraid to disappoint people or get rejected if you don’t say yes, you’ll fall into fear-based, people-pleasing, self-sacrificing behaviors that lead to unhappiness and resentment.  But when fear is no longer weighing you down, you say no when it feels self-loving.  As they say, “No” is a complete sentence.  There doesn’t need to be an explanation everyone agrees with.  This doesn’t mean you won’t devote yourself to generosity and service.  It means the service stems from a genuine love-based, rather than a fear-based, motivation.

4. You say no when you mean yes.

When you’re afraid, you’re unlikely to take any risks at all.  You’ll feel the longing to start your own business, go out with your dream date, take that bucket list trip, start a family, or take an educational class.  But you’ll say no because you’re afraid to fail, afraid to succeed, afraid to get rejected, afraid to stir things up, afraid to get out of your comfort zone.

When you face fear rather than running from it, you’ll start letting your soul take the lead, taking leaps of faith and saying yes when you really want to.

5. You numb yourself with alcohol, drugs, TV, sex or unnecessary busyness.

Fear causes inner pain, a soul sickness that can show up as depression, anxiety, helplessness, hopelessness, frustration, sadness, loneliness and exhaustion.  In order to avoid this inner pain, you engage in addictions and other numbing behaviors.  This only puts a temporary Band-Aid on the pain, while increasing feelings of low self-esteem that just escalate the inner agony.

When you’re not afraid to be quiet with yourself, to face your inner demons, to heal from the core, you’ll no longer need excessive amounts of alcohol, cigarettes, junk food, painkillers, or other numbing distractions.  You’ll have the courage to do the transformative work that leads you to freedom and life-saving solutions.

free yourself

6.  You get sick (often).

Fear isn’t just an uncomfortable emotion that holds you back from following your dreams.  It also triggers physical stress responses in your body that put you at risk of disease and make it hard for you to physically heal yourself.  Fearful people are more likely to have heart attacks, cancer, diabetes, autoimmune disorders, inflammatory illnesses, chronic pain and even the common cold.  They’re also more likely to experience milder physical ailments, such as insomnia, obesity, low energy, headaches, body aches, and decreased libido.

#FearNot!

This isn’t meant to frighten you.  It’s meant to wake you up, give you hope, and inspire you to embark upon the journey of transformation from fear to freedom.

fear end

#FoodForThought

 

Ways You’re Making Your Life Harder Than It Has To Be   Leave a comment

 

life being tough

Ways You’re Making Your Life Harder Than It Has To Be

When we were young life was easier, right?  I know sometimes it seems that way.  But the truth is life still is easy.  It always will be.  The only difference is we’re older, and the older we get, the harder we make things for ourselves.

You see, when we were young we saw the world through simple, hopeful eyes.  We knew what we wanted and we had no biases or concealed agendas.  We liked people who smiled.  We avoided people who frowned.  We ate when we were hungry, drank when we were thirsty, and slept when we were tired.
As we grew older our minds became gradually disillusioned by negative external influences.  At some point we began to hesitate and question our instincts.  When a new obstacle or growing pain arose, we stumbled and fell down.  This happened several times.  Eventually we decided we didn’t want to fall again, but rather than solving the problem that caused us to fall, we avoided it all together.

As a result, we ate comfort food and drank alcohol to numb our wounds and fill our voids.  We worked late nights on purpose to avoid unresolved conflicts at home.  We started holding grudges, playing mind games, and subtly deceiving others and ourselves to get ahead. And when it didn’t work out, we lived above our means, used lies to cover up lies, and ate and drank some more just to make ourselves feel better again.

Over the course of time, we made our lives harder and harder, and we started losing touch with who we really are and what we really need.

If you’re nodding your head, then you understand the need for “Getting Back to Happy”, and you know deep down that you’ve gradually made your life harder than it has to be.

Here are some common mistakes you’ve likely made in the past.

You let other people steal from you.

If you had a million dollars in cash under your mattress, you would check it regularly and take precautions to insure it is safe. The one possession you have that is more important than money is time. But you don’t do anything to protect it. In fact you willingly give it to thieves. Selfish people, egotistical people, negative people, people who won’t shut up. Treat your time like a Fortress. Guard it closely and give it only to those who deserve and respect it.

You’re trying to compete with everyone else. – If you compete with everyone else, you will become bitter.  If you compete with a previous version of yourself, you will become better.  It’s as simple as that.

You focus on popularity over effectiveness. – Seek respect, not attention.  It lasts longer and it’s far more useful in the end.  Do things and build things that make a lasting difference.  And above all, never confuse popularity with effectiveness.  Being popular means you’re liked for a while.  Being effective means you’ve made a difference.

You let others make you feel guilty for living your life. – As long as you’re not hurting anyone else, keep living your life YOUR way.  Sometimes we get lost in trying to live for someone else, trying to meet their expectations, and doing things just to impress them.  Take a moment and think about it.  Are you doing things because you truly believe in them?  Remember your own goals.  Live, do and love so that you are happy, because when it comes down to it, relationships can end in an instant, but you will live with yourself for the rest of your life.

You keep cutting corners and taking the easy way out. – Do what is right, not what is easy.  And do the right thing even if no one else will ever know.  Why?  Because YOU will know.

You focus on every point in time other than now. – You can’t change yesterday, but you can ruin today by worrying about tomorrow.  Be present.  Tomorrow will reveal itself exactly as it should, just as yesterday already has.

You are stuck on your mistakes. – It’s important that we forgive ourselves for making mistakes.  We need to learn from our errors and move forward.  Make a pact with yourself today to not be defined by your past.  Sometimes the greatest thing to come out of all your hard work isn’t what you get for it, but what you learn from it.  A happy, successful life, after all, is not a life absent of problems, but one that’s been able to rise above them.

You are part of the drama circle. – How would your life be different if you walked away from drama, gossip and verbal defamation?  Let today be the day you speak only about the good you know of other people and encourage others to do the same.  Those that refuse to support you CAN be ignored by you.  It’s as simple as that.  Incredible things happen when you distance yourself from negativity and those who create it.  Don’t get caught up in drama.  Just walk on by.

You allow toxic people to get the best of you. – You don’t ever have to feel guilty about removing toxic people from your life.  It doesn’t matter whether someone is a relative, romantic interest, colleague, childhood friend or a new acquaintance.  You don’t have to make room for people who cause you pain or make you feel small.  It’s one thing if a person owns up to their behaviour and makes an effort to change.  But if a person disregards your feelings, ignores your boundaries and continues to treat you in a harmful way, they need to go

You’re letting loss devour you. – Sometimes you have to work at happiness.  Some hurdles in life are too difficult to clear simply by adopting a positive mindset.  Do you need to forgive someone?  Do you need to let go of a failed relationship?  Do you need to come to terms with the death of a loved one?  Life is full of loss.  But, in a sense, true happiness would not be possible without it.  It helps us appreciate the good times.  It helps us grow.  If you’re struggling to see the light, you’re not alone.  Find someone who understands and talk to them.  Reach out for support.  Don’t let loss devour you.

You avoid facing the truth. – The truth does not cease to exist when it is ignored.  You cannot find peace by avoiding things.  You have to feel it to heal it.  Bring your fears and weaknesses front and center and shine a blazing spotlight on them.  Because the only way out is through.  The pain of facing the truth is SO worth it in the long run, I swear.

You put off making decisions. – Bad decisions are almost always better than no decisions at all.  Indecisiveness just delays, while bad decisions teach us to yield better ones.  In the end, we most often regret the chances we didn’t take, the relationships we were afraid to have, and the decisions we waited too long to make.

You expect life to always be happy. – The world can be a difficult place.  You may experience suffering, heartbreak and loss.  These circumstances can take a toll on your happiness, but do not lose hope.  Think about the Yin and Yang in Chinese philosophy, which states that opposite forces are often interconnected.  In suffering, you can find great strength, in heartbreak you can find resilience, and in loss you can find a renewed appreciation for life.  Life is always Yin and Yang.  Opposites are interdependent and interconnected.  You can’t completely shield yourself from sadness without also shielding yourself from happiness.

life easy

As you know, when we stop doing the wrong things and start doing the right things, life gets easier.  It just makes sense.  So how have you been making your life harder than it has to be?   What can you do today to simplify things? #Food4Thought

I want to say thanks to Marc Chernoff you’ve been inspiring.

THE POWER OF “THANK YOU!”   6 comments

THE POWER OF “THANK YOU!”

thank u 1God gave you a gift of 86,400 seconds today. Have you used one to say ‘thank you?

William Arthur Ward

 

I’ve got a CRAZY question for you…

How often do you say “thank you?”

I’m not talking about the robotic “thank you” you give at a fast food joint on picking your burger.

Or the “thanks” you say when people hold the door open for you.

I’m talking about the sincere, time-consuming “thank you.”

Think about it… How often do you say it? My guess is you do, but wish you could do it more, right?

 

thank u 4

 

The simple act of saying ‘thank you’ is a demonstration of gratitude in response to an experience that was meaningful to a customer or citizen.

Simon Mainwaring

 

“Thank You! ….. Are they just words or do they have the power to make people take action?”

 

They are two words that have the power to transform our health, happiness, athletic performance and success. Research shows that grateful people are happier and more likely to maintain good friendships. A state of gratitude, according to research by the Institute of HeartMath, also improves the heart’s rhythmic functioning, which helps us to reduce stress, think more clearly under pressure and heal physically. It’s actually physiologically impossible to be stressed and thankful at the same time. When you are grateful you flood your body and brain with emotions and endorphins that uplift and energize you rather than the stress hormones that drain you.

Saying thank you in life and business is powerful, thoughtful, memorable, inexpensive, and easy. Plus, the opportunities to give thanks are endless.

Gratitude is like muscle. The more we do with it the stronger it gets.

thank u 2

 

‘Thank you’ is the best prayer that anyone could say. I say that one a lot. Thank you expresses extreme gratitude, humility, understanding.

Alice Walker

Here are some tips you can use to develop the profitable habit of saying “Thank you”:

  • Be specific in your thanks. It’s one thing to say, “I appreciate what you did today. Thanks a lot.” That’s a soap-bubble comment. Pretty while it lasts, but gone in seconds. It’s general and vague. When you thank them for something specific, that’s Velcro. That’s a thanks they remember because it sticks. You hook your gratitude to something the employee did. For instance, an employee just handled a difficult phone call with a customer really well. Thank them for that specific activity.
  • Appreciate the process. Target your appreciation on what the employee or vendor did. Let’s go back to the worker who took the phone call. Avoid telling the employee, “Thanks for helping me keep that customer.” That’s just an outcome that benefits you. Say, “I like how you hung in there when that customer was being difficult. You were really patient and respectful.” The same type of strategy goes for vendors. Give thanks for doing something that was an extra-mile effort for them, recognizing the above-and-beyond work.

    It’s about them, not you. Showing that you know something about them, and that you’re able to place yourself in their shoes, is incredibly valuable. Connect your gift-giving with life beyond the business walls. If a vendor became a grandpa, give him a copy of “Goodnight, Moon” to read to the little one. If an employee’s mother died of breast cancer this year, make an end-of -the-year donation to Race for the Cure in her name. Such intimacy breaks the relationship ice in a transformational, not just transactional, direction which is the game-changing pathway to greater profits.

  • Go old school with your thanks. In this digital world of emails and texts, Facebook and Twitter, the simple and quick act of writing a handwritten expression of gratitude can go a long way. There’s something special today about a handwritten note. It tells them you took out time to specifically appreciate them. Plus you create return business when you take pen in hand and write, “Thank you,” to your customers. Just say, “I know you could do business with others, but you chose us. Thank you! We treasure our relationship.”

Implement these tips, and your business will likely say “Thank you” back to you as you increase your profits year-round.

 

 

“The Gratitude Effect …… makes it possible that down the line you and others will get help.”

thank u 3 

Now, let’s look at some ways to practice being Thankful every day.

  1. Take a Daily Thank You Walk –Take a simple 5 or 10-minute walk each day and say out loud what you are thankful for. This will set you up for a positive day.
  2. Meal Time Thank You’s – (For those of us that still have family meal time.) At meal-time with your friends and family, go around the table and have each person, including the kids at the little table, say what they are thankful for.
  3. Gratitude Visit – Martin Seligman, Ph.D., an American psychologist, suggests that we write a letter expressing our gratitude to someone. Then we visit this person and read them the letter. His research shows that people who do this are measurably happier and less depressed a month later.
  4. Say Thank You at Work – we spend more hours with our colleagues t work than family…. so it won’t hurt to energize and engage your co-workers and team by letting them know you are grateful for them and their work. Oh! Another thing do not forget to say thank you to your clients and customers too….. It does wonders …… don’t take my word for it try it out.

So, leave a comment and let me know what you think about saying “thanks!”

PLUS, I’ve got a challenge for you.

A challenge that will make you a better person…

…and it’s a challenge that will help you run a better business.

What is it?

It’s simple:

Today I want you to take the time to say thank you to people who have helped you.

And MAKE IT COUNT.

Giving thanks is fun and puts a smile on everyone’s face. Give it a try.

Thank u 5

“Let gratitude be the pillow upon which you kneel to say your nightly prayer. And let faith be the bridge you build to overcome evil and welcome good.”

Maya Angelou,

THE GIFT OF CHRISTMAS   2 comments

 

d gift of xmas

 

THE GIFT OF CHRISTMAS

The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree: the presence of a happy family all wrapped up in each other.
– Burton Hillis

 

 

Ok so its Christmas and everyone is busy shopping and all, but the most interesting part of shopping are the gifts people are expecting this season…..so I thought to take a minute to talk on the gift of Christmas Now we know that Christmas is the yearly celebration of the birth of Jesus, but it is truly a gift that we must experience each day. I share with you and all my readers the following thoughts — based on a meditation by an anonymous author — which enlighten us during the busy holiday season and sums up the true meaning of what we hope to celebrate as people of faith.

the gift of hope

“The joy of brightening other lives, bearing each others’ burdens, easing other’s loads and supplanting empty hearts and lives with generous gifts becomes for us the magic of Christmas.” 
WC Jones

Christmas is a present, not a past.

Christmas should not be just a historical date to remember, but a gift to be lived.

When you decide to love those around you, that day is Christmas.

When you take the first step to be at peace with a loved one, that day is Christmas.

When you meet someone who asks for help and you assist them with all your heart, that day is Christmas.

 

If there is no joyous way to give a festive gift, give love away

 

SANTA'S GIFT SHARING

When you take time to talk to someone who is lonely and sad, that day is Christmas.

When you understand that resentment can be transformed by forgiveness, that day is Christmas.

When you let go of something to give to someone who needs it more than you, that day is Christmas.

When you realize that love, service and authentic concern are the best gifts, that day is Christmas.

When you decide to live with joy and hope rather than surrender to fear and sadness, that day is Christmas.

 

Christmas is something that was born in the heart of God — who motivated by pure love — sent his son Jesus to save us. Yet, Christmas comes alive this season when we allow its true significance to be born in our hearts. May the beautiful holiday lights, parties, shopping and the exhausting rush of these days not distract us from the true meaning of what Christmas really is — and can be.

 

Oh! By the way the secret to finding the MAGIC of Christmas is to experience Christmas from the eyes of a child!!!

d magic of xmas

Our hearts grow tender with childhood memories and love of kindred, and we are better throughout the year for having, in spirit, become a child again at Christmas-time.
~Laura Ingalls Wilder

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO YOU ALL… Muuah!!!!

 

A TRUE DIVA!!!   Leave a comment

 

 

A TRUE DIVA!!!

On the 21st of September 2012 an Abuja based magazine known as men’s room recognized one of Abuja’s finest on air personalities Faith Onyebujoh as a TRUE DIVA; The magazine aims to bring to light the importance of Socially Responsible Investments and highlight the relevance of SRI to the society, the country and to Africa as a whole. A special section of the magazine is focused on celebrating true divas and the host of the midday oasis on cool FM Faith Onyebujoh (Me) was picked as their 1st TRUE DIVA. In an exclusive interview at salamander cafe, I was asked why and how I got into broadcasting, My take on the world of broadcasting so far and some juicy questions about family and the lucky man in The picture … Lol!!! Now, I got your attention right? Well, getting up close and personal with a true diva always is an interesting read, Bet, now, you’re very interested well darling you’ll just have to be patient and wait for the issue to come out.

 

Anyway, the reason am putting up this post is, this very honorable recognition got me thinking who really is a true diva? we know the original definition of a diva as being a female opera singer. Time Magazine observed in its October 21, 2002 issue: “By definition, a diva is was originally used for great female opera singers, almost always sopranos. Often today “diva” is used to describe any extremely independent and wildly talented woman. Naturally the term still applies to the classical arts. But I think being a DIVA is about  defining what you want to be and how you want to be perceived and then working to make yourself that way. You don’t have to follow some set of rules, dress one particular way, or where you hair one way. That’s not what being a diva is all about.

Now, If you want to be that stuck up person that when you walk in the room all the women are jealous and all the men are speechless- then hey, be my guest and find out what you need to do to be that person. Personally, I want to be strong, successful, pretty, fashionable, articulate, and fun to be around.

YOU define what you want to be. Don’t be guided by famous people, or others. Really sit down and think about what you want to be/how you want to be, and then come up with a strategy to do that. Even if you just come up with a starting point, Please start! its also recommended you get rid of that bad habit that you have. You’ll feel accomplished and it will compel you to do more to better yourself and your situation.

So, simply put I would say being a DIVA is Defining yourself and standing out doing it. Appearance can easily be changed, but what truly makes a Diva comes from within and any real modification you want to make will also have to come from within.

Quick question:

Do you think the word “DIVA” has more of a good or bad rep these days?