Archive for the ‘cool fm’ Tag

Signs Fear is Slowly Breaking You Down   2 comments

fearSigns Fear is Slowly Breaking You Down

So many of us these days are riddled with fear.  It’s running the show in our lives, and taking the wheel in most of our decision-making.  But the funny thing is, most people don’t even know it.  This is partly because, in our culture, we tend to dress up “fear” in the more socially acceptable clothes of “stress.”  And stress … well, goodness… stress is practically a badge of success in our culture of busyness.

We’ve been taught to think that fear is for losers.  We see it as a weakness – something we should hide from others and deal with it alone behind closed doors.  But fear shouldn’t remain hidden or elicit shame.  Now more than ever, our fears need to shamelessly take center stage so we can let fear illuminate everything that is in need of healing in our lives, so we can finally be free.

But fear is tricky, and it shows up in all kinds of disguises.  And until you see it for what it is, it’s impossible to interact properly with fear.

How can you tell if fear is stifling your life and slowly breaking you down? Here are a few thoughts.

1. You find yourself striving in vain for an impossible-to-achieve standard of perfection.

progress not perfectionWhen you’re afraid (of criticism, failure and rejection), you’ll kill yourself trying to be perfect.  Of course, the mask of perfection also separates you from what you most want: real intimacy, to be known, loved, and accepted for your true self.

2. You settle.

When you’re afraid to take risks and go for what you really want, you convince yourself that your less-than-juicy life – your relationships, your job, the dismal state of your thinking – is as good as it gets.  When fear runs the show, you forget how to dream and stretch your comfort zone.  You compromise in the name of being “realistic.”  But settling isn’t realism; it’s a devastating symptom of the fear that what you hope is possible really isn’t.

3. You say yes when you mean no.

When you’re afraid to disappoint people or get rejected if you don’t say yes, you’ll fall into fear-based, people-pleasing, self-sacrificing behaviors that lead to unhappiness and resentment.  But when fear is no longer weighing you down, you say no when it feels self-loving.  As they say, “No” is a complete sentence.  There doesn’t need to be an explanation everyone agrees with.  This doesn’t mean you won’t devote yourself to generosity and service.  It means the service stems from a genuine love-based, rather than a fear-based, motivation.

4. You say no when you mean yes.

When you’re afraid, you’re unlikely to take any risks at all.  You’ll feel the longing to start your own business, go out with your dream date, take that bucket list trip, start a family, or take an educational class.  But you’ll say no because you’re afraid to fail, afraid to succeed, afraid to get rejected, afraid to stir things up, afraid to get out of your comfort zone.

When you face fear rather than running from it, you’ll start letting your soul take the lead, taking leaps of faith and saying yes when you really want to.

5. You numb yourself with alcohol, drugs, TV, sex or unnecessary busyness.

Fear causes inner pain, a soul sickness that can show up as depression, anxiety, helplessness, hopelessness, frustration, sadness, loneliness and exhaustion.  In order to avoid this inner pain, you engage in addictions and other numbing behaviors.  This only puts a temporary Band-Aid on the pain, while increasing feelings of low self-esteem that just escalate the inner agony.

When you’re not afraid to be quiet with yourself, to face your inner demons, to heal from the core, you’ll no longer need excessive amounts of alcohol, cigarettes, junk food, painkillers, or other numbing distractions.  You’ll have the courage to do the transformative work that leads you to freedom and life-saving solutions.

free yourself

6.  You get sick (often).

Fear isn’t just an uncomfortable emotion that holds you back from following your dreams.  It also triggers physical stress responses in your body that put you at risk of disease and make it hard for you to physically heal yourself.  Fearful people are more likely to have heart attacks, cancer, diabetes, autoimmune disorders, inflammatory illnesses, chronic pain and even the common cold.  They’re also more likely to experience milder physical ailments, such as insomnia, obesity, low energy, headaches, body aches, and decreased libido.

#FearNot!

This isn’t meant to frighten you.  It’s meant to wake you up, give you hope, and inspire you to embark upon the journey of transformation from fear to freedom.

fear end

#FoodForThought

 

Ways You’re Making Your Life Harder Than It Has To Be   Leave a comment

 

life being tough

Ways You’re Making Your Life Harder Than It Has To Be

When we were young life was easier, right?  I know sometimes it seems that way.  But the truth is life still is easy.  It always will be.  The only difference is we’re older, and the older we get, the harder we make things for ourselves.

You see, when we were young we saw the world through simple, hopeful eyes.  We knew what we wanted and we had no biases or concealed agendas.  We liked people who smiled.  We avoided people who frowned.  We ate when we were hungry, drank when we were thirsty, and slept when we were tired.
As we grew older our minds became gradually disillusioned by negative external influences.  At some point we began to hesitate and question our instincts.  When a new obstacle or growing pain arose, we stumbled and fell down.  This happened several times.  Eventually we decided we didn’t want to fall again, but rather than solving the problem that caused us to fall, we avoided it all together.

As a result, we ate comfort food and drank alcohol to numb our wounds and fill our voids.  We worked late nights on purpose to avoid unresolved conflicts at home.  We started holding grudges, playing mind games, and subtly deceiving others and ourselves to get ahead. And when it didn’t work out, we lived above our means, used lies to cover up lies, and ate and drank some more just to make ourselves feel better again.

Over the course of time, we made our lives harder and harder, and we started losing touch with who we really are and what we really need.

If you’re nodding your head, then you understand the need for “Getting Back to Happy”, and you know deep down that you’ve gradually made your life harder than it has to be.

Here are some common mistakes you’ve likely made in the past.

You let other people steal from you.

If you had a million dollars in cash under your mattress, you would check it regularly and take precautions to insure it is safe. The one possession you have that is more important than money is time. But you don’t do anything to protect it. In fact you willingly give it to thieves. Selfish people, egotistical people, negative people, people who won’t shut up. Treat your time like a Fortress. Guard it closely and give it only to those who deserve and respect it.

You’re trying to compete with everyone else. – If you compete with everyone else, you will become bitter.  If you compete with a previous version of yourself, you will become better.  It’s as simple as that.

You focus on popularity over effectiveness. – Seek respect, not attention.  It lasts longer and it’s far more useful in the end.  Do things and build things that make a lasting difference.  And above all, never confuse popularity with effectiveness.  Being popular means you’re liked for a while.  Being effective means you’ve made a difference.

You let others make you feel guilty for living your life. – As long as you’re not hurting anyone else, keep living your life YOUR way.  Sometimes we get lost in trying to live for someone else, trying to meet their expectations, and doing things just to impress them.  Take a moment and think about it.  Are you doing things because you truly believe in them?  Remember your own goals.  Live, do and love so that you are happy, because when it comes down to it, relationships can end in an instant, but you will live with yourself for the rest of your life.

You keep cutting corners and taking the easy way out. – Do what is right, not what is easy.  And do the right thing even if no one else will ever know.  Why?  Because YOU will know.

You focus on every point in time other than now. – You can’t change yesterday, but you can ruin today by worrying about tomorrow.  Be present.  Tomorrow will reveal itself exactly as it should, just as yesterday already has.

You are stuck on your mistakes. – It’s important that we forgive ourselves for making mistakes.  We need to learn from our errors and move forward.  Make a pact with yourself today to not be defined by your past.  Sometimes the greatest thing to come out of all your hard work isn’t what you get for it, but what you learn from it.  A happy, successful life, after all, is not a life absent of problems, but one that’s been able to rise above them.

You are part of the drama circle. – How would your life be different if you walked away from drama, gossip and verbal defamation?  Let today be the day you speak only about the good you know of other people and encourage others to do the same.  Those that refuse to support you CAN be ignored by you.  It’s as simple as that.  Incredible things happen when you distance yourself from negativity and those who create it.  Don’t get caught up in drama.  Just walk on by.

You allow toxic people to get the best of you. – You don’t ever have to feel guilty about removing toxic people from your life.  It doesn’t matter whether someone is a relative, romantic interest, colleague, childhood friend or a new acquaintance.  You don’t have to make room for people who cause you pain or make you feel small.  It’s one thing if a person owns up to their behaviour and makes an effort to change.  But if a person disregards your feelings, ignores your boundaries and continues to treat you in a harmful way, they need to go

You’re letting loss devour you. – Sometimes you have to work at happiness.  Some hurdles in life are too difficult to clear simply by adopting a positive mindset.  Do you need to forgive someone?  Do you need to let go of a failed relationship?  Do you need to come to terms with the death of a loved one?  Life is full of loss.  But, in a sense, true happiness would not be possible without it.  It helps us appreciate the good times.  It helps us grow.  If you’re struggling to see the light, you’re not alone.  Find someone who understands and talk to them.  Reach out for support.  Don’t let loss devour you.

You avoid facing the truth. – The truth does not cease to exist when it is ignored.  You cannot find peace by avoiding things.  You have to feel it to heal it.  Bring your fears and weaknesses front and center and shine a blazing spotlight on them.  Because the only way out is through.  The pain of facing the truth is SO worth it in the long run, I swear.

You put off making decisions. – Bad decisions are almost always better than no decisions at all.  Indecisiveness just delays, while bad decisions teach us to yield better ones.  In the end, we most often regret the chances we didn’t take, the relationships we were afraid to have, and the decisions we waited too long to make.

You expect life to always be happy. – The world can be a difficult place.  You may experience suffering, heartbreak and loss.  These circumstances can take a toll on your happiness, but do not lose hope.  Think about the Yin and Yang in Chinese philosophy, which states that opposite forces are often interconnected.  In suffering, you can find great strength, in heartbreak you can find resilience, and in loss you can find a renewed appreciation for life.  Life is always Yin and Yang.  Opposites are interdependent and interconnected.  You can’t completely shield yourself from sadness without also shielding yourself from happiness.

life easy

As you know, when we stop doing the wrong things and start doing the right things, life gets easier.  It just makes sense.  So how have you been making your life harder than it has to be?   What can you do today to simplify things? #Food4Thought

I want to say thanks to Marc Chernoff you’ve been inspiring.

THE POWER OF “THANK YOU!”   6 comments

THE POWER OF “THANK YOU!”

thank u 1God gave you a gift of 86,400 seconds today. Have you used one to say ‘thank you?

William Arthur Ward

 

I’ve got a CRAZY question for you…

How often do you say “thank you?”

I’m not talking about the robotic “thank you” you give at a fast food joint on picking your burger.

Or the “thanks” you say when people hold the door open for you.

I’m talking about the sincere, time-consuming “thank you.”

Think about it… How often do you say it? My guess is you do, but wish you could do it more, right?

 

thank u 4

 

The simple act of saying ‘thank you’ is a demonstration of gratitude in response to an experience that was meaningful to a customer or citizen.

Simon Mainwaring

 

“Thank You! ….. Are they just words or do they have the power to make people take action?”

 

They are two words that have the power to transform our health, happiness, athletic performance and success. Research shows that grateful people are happier and more likely to maintain good friendships. A state of gratitude, according to research by the Institute of HeartMath, also improves the heart’s rhythmic functioning, which helps us to reduce stress, think more clearly under pressure and heal physically. It’s actually physiologically impossible to be stressed and thankful at the same time. When you are grateful you flood your body and brain with emotions and endorphins that uplift and energize you rather than the stress hormones that drain you.

Saying thank you in life and business is powerful, thoughtful, memorable, inexpensive, and easy. Plus, the opportunities to give thanks are endless.

Gratitude is like muscle. The more we do with it the stronger it gets.

thank u 2

 

‘Thank you’ is the best prayer that anyone could say. I say that one a lot. Thank you expresses extreme gratitude, humility, understanding.

Alice Walker

Here are some tips you can use to develop the profitable habit of saying “Thank you”:

  • Be specific in your thanks. It’s one thing to say, “I appreciate what you did today. Thanks a lot.” That’s a soap-bubble comment. Pretty while it lasts, but gone in seconds. It’s general and vague. When you thank them for something specific, that’s Velcro. That’s a thanks they remember because it sticks. You hook your gratitude to something the employee did. For instance, an employee just handled a difficult phone call with a customer really well. Thank them for that specific activity.
  • Appreciate the process. Target your appreciation on what the employee or vendor did. Let’s go back to the worker who took the phone call. Avoid telling the employee, “Thanks for helping me keep that customer.” That’s just an outcome that benefits you. Say, “I like how you hung in there when that customer was being difficult. You were really patient and respectful.” The same type of strategy goes for vendors. Give thanks for doing something that was an extra-mile effort for them, recognizing the above-and-beyond work.

    It’s about them, not you. Showing that you know something about them, and that you’re able to place yourself in their shoes, is incredibly valuable. Connect your gift-giving with life beyond the business walls. If a vendor became a grandpa, give him a copy of “Goodnight, Moon” to read to the little one. If an employee’s mother died of breast cancer this year, make an end-of -the-year donation to Race for the Cure in her name. Such intimacy breaks the relationship ice in a transformational, not just transactional, direction which is the game-changing pathway to greater profits.

  • Go old school with your thanks. In this digital world of emails and texts, Facebook and Twitter, the simple and quick act of writing a handwritten expression of gratitude can go a long way. There’s something special today about a handwritten note. It tells them you took out time to specifically appreciate them. Plus you create return business when you take pen in hand and write, “Thank you,” to your customers. Just say, “I know you could do business with others, but you chose us. Thank you! We treasure our relationship.”

Implement these tips, and your business will likely say “Thank you” back to you as you increase your profits year-round.

 

 

“The Gratitude Effect …… makes it possible that down the line you and others will get help.”

thank u 3 

Now, let’s look at some ways to practice being Thankful every day.

  1. Take a Daily Thank You Walk –Take a simple 5 or 10-minute walk each day and say out loud what you are thankful for. This will set you up for a positive day.
  2. Meal Time Thank You’s – (For those of us that still have family meal time.) At meal-time with your friends and family, go around the table and have each person, including the kids at the little table, say what they are thankful for.
  3. Gratitude Visit – Martin Seligman, Ph.D., an American psychologist, suggests that we write a letter expressing our gratitude to someone. Then we visit this person and read them the letter. His research shows that people who do this are measurably happier and less depressed a month later.
  4. Say Thank You at Work – we spend more hours with our colleagues t work than family…. so it won’t hurt to energize and engage your co-workers and team by letting them know you are grateful for them and their work. Oh! Another thing do not forget to say thank you to your clients and customers too….. It does wonders …… don’t take my word for it try it out.

So, leave a comment and let me know what you think about saying “thanks!”

PLUS, I’ve got a challenge for you.

A challenge that will make you a better person…

…and it’s a challenge that will help you run a better business.

What is it?

It’s simple:

Today I want you to take the time to say thank you to people who have helped you.

And MAKE IT COUNT.

Giving thanks is fun and puts a smile on everyone’s face. Give it a try.

Thank u 5

“Let gratitude be the pillow upon which you kneel to say your nightly prayer. And let faith be the bridge you build to overcome evil and welcome good.”

Maya Angelou,

WHY YOU SHOULD SPEND TIME WITH YOURSELF   3 comments

 

WHY YOU SHOULD SPEND TIME WITH YOURSELF

me time

” Talk to yourself once in a day…. otherwise you may miss meeting n excellent person in the world.”

Swani Vivekananda

Why are people so incredibly against being alone? We all seem to be afraid of it. We make friends who usually aren’t worth having. We date people we shouldn’t be dating. We spend our time and money running away from being on our own.

Loneliness is not something to aim for, but being alone doesn’t necessarily mean being lonely. In fact, spending more time with ourselves, without being surrounded by people, and without virtually surrounding ourselves via all those social networking platforms, we can find solace in the company that matters most: the relationship we have with ourselves.

Here are some benefits of spending time alone:

1. Introduces You To A Simple Life

A simple life is a beautiful life. In this day and age, we often find ourselves overwhelmed with things we want to do, ought to do, need to do and are avoiding doing. We all have so much going on in our lives, but to what end? It’s as if we are all running some sort of race, a race with no real finish other than death. People are aiming for a happy life somewhere down the line when the point of life is being happy throughout the ride. #Food4Thought

2. Allows You To Keep Your Mind Clear

I’m sure I’m not the only person who finds myself mentally overwhelmed. Our minds are capable of storing massive amounts of information. However, you can’t simply collect information. You need to organize it. Our minds have a filing system that, in part, works on its own, but it requires slowing down and removing yourself from the constant flow of new information. You can’t process and file simultaneously. We don’t come equipped with dual processors…. In fact, looking at perception…. we are constantly interacting with others and constantly processing new information, it makes getting a grasp on reality rather tricky. It’s not so much that you don’t have a clear perception of your reality; it’s that you don’t take enough time to explore the reality you’ve created. Removing yourself from the world allows you to reacquaint yourself with the way you see the world

3. You Will Learn Things About Yourself That You Couldn’t Otherwise

By understanding the way you perceive the world, you gain insight into you as an individual. You will have more time to consciously roam around in your mind, to notice the way you think, notice the way your thoughts interact with the physical world, and notice how you judge both the outside world and yourself.

We think all the time, but it’s not often that we look at our thoughts from the outside looking in. We are more often than not caught up in thought, failing to differentiate our formulated thoughts from ourselves, the thinkers. Spend more time alone to develop the ability to differentiate yourself from all those thoughts flying about in your head. You two aren’t one in the same.

4. Relieves Anxiety

Because we don’t differentiate between ourselves and our thoughts, anxiety quickly builds. If we are overwhelmed by all the thoughts we’re having, not being able to slow them down because we feel they are a part of us, we begin to feel heavy and sluggish. If the thoughts are negative, they end up affecting us profoundly. Spending more time on your own will allow you the opportunity to set your mind straight and rid yourself of unnecessary negative thoughts, alleviating your anxiety.

 

treat urself

To truly love someone, we first have to explore what love is, and that means starting with the person you spend the most time with yourself!

5. Forces You To Become Less Dependent On Others

Most people don’t like being alone because they feel the need to be social, to interact with others. This is a part of human nature. However, the amount of social interaction we require to remain sane is nowhere near the amount most of us experience on a daily basis. Moreover, the amount necessary is much less than the amount we feel we need.

The fact is, most of us are dependent on others for our happiness. We use them as distractions. The question is…… distraction from what? From ourselves? Yea! But why do you feel the need to keep you away from you? #Food4Thought

6. Your Life Becomes More Efficient

We spend a lot of time in our lives, messing around. We do things for the sake of doing them. We “hang out.” We “chill.” We find ways of filling up our days in order not to have time to do nothing – because doing nothing is bad. But the fact is, you can’t do nothing; it’s physically impossible. You are a living thing and are always doing something.

More than that, you are a human being. Our minds aren’t capable of doing absolutely nothing. Try doing nothing and you’ll notice that you’re still doing something. Becoming comfortable with being alone removes a lot of excess waste from your life because you come to realize it as being useless.

7. Slow Down

Life isn’t a race. If it were, then you should be trying to avoid the finish line, not get there sooner. Taking the time to slow down and enjoy the little things ……. the air around you, the chair you are sitting in, the way your tongue feels pressed against your teeth ………. all these things will bring you greater joy than you ever thought possible. Being alive should be enough to make you happy. If it doesn’t, you need to slow down and remove yourself from distractions.

8. Remove Yourself From Unnecessary Information

Just 10 years ago, we weren’t exposed to nearly as much information as we are now. Looking back 50 years, the difference is colossal. Human beings are not yet used to being fed so much information; processing all this information can become difficult – mostly because the majority of it is useless to us. Humans developed their cognitive abilities as a means of surviving.

But knowing that Sarah is eating a cheeseburger via Instagram or that Justin Bieber may get deported via Twitter does not relate to our personal happiness. It’s all information that doesn’t make the least bit difference to our personal lives, to our well-being. Unplugging from this constant stream of information will be and is incredibly relieving.

9. You’ll Come To Accept That You’re Enough To Make Yourself Happy

The only way to achieve sustainable happiness is to be happy with the bare minimum. Why? Maintaining anything requires consistence and the only thing you can never lose and never have to worry about losing is you. You will always have you. You can lose everything else, but you can’t lose you. Learn to be happy with just yourself and everything else positive that comes your way will only be a very pleasant surprise…… personally I think the worst thing for anyone to lose would be their #Mind.

10. You’ll Save Money
It turns out that being alone is a lot cheaper than spending time with others. Alone, you can literally just sit or close your eyes and do close to nothing, just thinking and imagining. Now imagine trying to convince your friends to come over and do the same. Not going to happen. You’re going to have to spend money one way or another. Socializing always comes at a price, while being alone only costs you on occasion…. see? Spending time with yourself is also cost effective. Lol!!!

Say yes to u11. Allows You To Set Your Priorities Straight

Society convinces us that we want a lot of things we really don’t want. It’s the competitive nature of man that has us reaching for the stars when, in reality, the ground under our feet is more than enough. There’s nothing wrong with aiming high….. Of course I do that too….. but make sure that what you’re aiming for is something you actually want, not something you want because others want it as well…… Or what the media has brain washed you into wanting.

If you don’t really want something, but are aiming for it, anyway, you are only setting yourself up for disappointment. If you don’t get it, you’ll be disappointed with not getting it, and if you do get it, you’ll be disappointed that it wasn’t what you thought it’d be. Get your priorities straight and you’ll have less disappointment in your life.

12. Allows You To Stay More Focused

We aren’t meant to just be focusing on tasks. We are also meant to focus on ourselves. Very few living creatures are capable of understanding themselves as individuals — one of the most simply act without understanding that they exist. For whatever reason, our culture emphasizes constant action and little reflection. Spend some time focusing on yourself and your thoughts and less on actions. There’s no point of constantly going after achievements if you lose sight of who you are as a living being.

13. Makes You Accept That You’re Alone In This Life – And Makes You Okay With It

That sounded like a sad thought right? But, we are born alone and we die alone. What few come to realize is that the majority of our lives we actually spend alone. We spend a lot of our lives trying not to be alone, true, but in reality, we are alone the entire time. That’s okay. In fact, it’s wonderful. You are you and just you. You are unique. You are one of a kind. You don’t need anyone else to make you better because you are amazing just the way you are. You’re simply choosing to ignore that fact.

Spend more time with yourself and only yourself, and soon you will realize that as truth.

The most important relationship we can all have is the one you have with yourself, the most important journey you can take is one of self-discovery. To know yourself, you must spend time with yourself, you must not be afraid to be alone. Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom.

 

froggie” Talk to yourself like you would to someone you love.”

Brene Brown

 

THE ART OF LISTENING   1 comment

THE ART OF LISTENING

It is the province of knowledge to speak. And it is the privilege of wisdom to listen.

Oliver Wendell Holmes

http://blogs.lt.vt.edu/ankitpathak04/files/2013/11/Dr-Alan-Zimmerman-Leadership-and-Listening.jpgHello friends forgive my absence I’ve had to deal with a lot lately; but am back and i would love to talk about “Listening” i tagged this write up “The Art Of Listening cos i truly believe listening is an art. let be start by stating that “Hearing”is different from “Listening”. Hearing is the process of perceiving sound produced by any sound source in the environment while listening is the process of deriving meaning from organized sounds. Listening is also more complicated and entailing than hearing. bottom line the difference between these two is “Attention”. Listening is a skill — one that is capable of being not only honed, but lost.  No wonder listening is an undervalued art. Research shows that we speak at a rate of about 125 words per minute, yet we have the capacity to listen to approximately 400 words per minute. So what are we doing with that extra space in our minds when someone else is talking? Are we really listening?

listening 2–To listen fully means to pay close attention to what is being said beneath the words. #ArtOfListening

Peter Senge

Listening is essential to fulfilling relationships. If you are experiencing challenging interactions or you want your connections to deepen, reflect on how you can improve your listening skills. Here are some benefits of truly listening:

  • People will feel be more drawn to you; they will like you more.
  • You will learn something new.
  • You will solve problems more effectively.
  • You will experience less loneliness and frustration.
  • You will feel happier and more relaxed.

Learn to listen well, and watch all your relationships thrive. Here’s how.

—The best way to understand people is to listen to them. #ArtOfListening — Ralph Nichols

1.      Pay attention
Since our brains have the capacity to process 275 more words per minute than are actually spoken, we tend to fill up the void with extraneous thoughts. Notice how when someone is speaking, you are partially listening, while simultaneously planning the rest of your day, replaying a meeting that just occurred, or deciding what you will say next. Paying attention is the cardinal rule for good listening. Hear the words, and let their meaning in. If your mind wanders, simply re-focus your attention on the conversation.

—We have to listen to each other, even when we don’t agree.

2.      Be receptive
If you show up with an agenda, you are not going to be available to fully hear what the other person is saying. There is no problem with having goals for an interaction, but let them go while the other person is speaking so you can hear what is being expressed. Balance your need for a given outcome with your desire to sustain a harmonious relationship.

—One who cares is one who listens.

3.      Check your understanding
Make sure you can repeat what you just heard, and if you can’t, ask for clarification. You might be surprised at how much you are missing. Most people are. When you think you’ve gotten it, you might say, “So what you are saying is….” to verify your understanding.

— Secret of success,lies in d ability to get the other person’s point of view & see things from his angle as well as yours #ArtOfListening

4.      Be an explorer
Explorers are open and curious. They are inquisitive, without knowing what they will find. So what to do with all of that excess brain power? Focus on the speaker. Notice body language, tone of voice, and rate of speaking. Then look beneath the words to see what feelings and needs are being communicated. You never know what you might find.

— The golden rule of friendship is to listen to others as you would have them listen to you. #ArtOfListening

5.      Show interest
If you find yourself bored and distracted, reconnect with the interaction. Maintain eye contact, uncross your arms, and ask questions that take the conversation deeper. Find out what really matters to the person you are speaking with.

— Eyes see only light, ears hear only sound, but a listening heart perceives meaning. #ArtOfListening

6.      Be patient
As much as you may be tempted, don’t speak over someone who is talking. When you feel the urge to step in, take a breath, let your agenda go, and continue to listen. If you need to move the conversation along, do so politely, as in, “Excuse me, I’m so sorry for interrupting, but ….” Likewise, be careful not to jump to conclusions or assume you know what hasn’t yet been said. These are all signs that your inner explorer has fallen asleep. Revitalize your experience by paying attention to what is happening in the moment.

— Listening is a sign of respect. It makes people feel valued. #ArtOfListening

7.      Get out of a rut
Have you ever had the same problematic conversation with someone over and over? Bring a fresh perspective to the relationship by redoubling your efforts to listen. Let go of your need to be right or your ideas about what the other person should be saying or doing, and hear them as if for the first time. This moves you from contraction and limit to possibility and potential simply by listening.

— One person who is truly understanding, and takes the trouble to listen to us,can change our whole outlook on the world. #ArtOfListening — Dr. E. H. Mayo

Effective listening develops empathy, which is the capacity for a deep understanding of another’s experience. And isn’t that what it takes for a relationship to thrive? It’s as simple as paying attention.

listening 1— We have two ears and one mouth, so we should listen more than we say. #ArtOfListening

Here are some suggestions for developing your listening skills:

  • Develop the desire to listen. You must accept the fact that listening to others is your strongest weapon. Given the opportunity, the other person will tell you everything you need to know. If this doesn’t create desire, I don’t know what will.
  • Always let the other person do most of the talking.This is a simple matter of mathematics. I suggest a 70/30 rule. You listen 70% of the time and you talk 30% of the time.
  • Don’t interrupt. There is always the temptation to interrupt so you can tell the other person something you think is vitally important. It isn’t, so don’t. When you are about to speak, ask yourself if it is really necessary.
  • Learn active listening. It’s not enough that you’re listening to someone – you want to be sure that they know you’re listening. Active listening is the art of communicating to the other person that you’re hearing their every word.
  • Ask for clarification if needed. This will clear up any misunderstanding you have.
  • Get used to ‘listening’ for nonverbal messages – body language. The other person may be communicating with you via body language. You need to decode the message.
  • Ask a question…then shut up. This is a foolproof way to listen. Think of yourself as an interviewer – Barbara Walters! She listens and questions – so should you.

A good listener tries to understand what is being said first; he/she may disagree, but at least he/she knows exactly what they are disagreeing with.#ArtOfListening

Tips For Asking Questions

Once you have learned how to keep yourself from speaking, the art of asking questions is the shortcut to effective listening. Here are some tips for asking questions:

  • Ask open-ended questions. Questions that can’t be answered with a simple yes or no. “How could we do this?” “What do you think?” Your objective is to get them to talk as much as possible.
  • Don’t ask questions that put them on the defensive. For example, “Why?” is intimidating. Don’t ask “why?” Ask “how come?”
  • Ask “What if?” What if we did it this way?
  • Ask for their advice. “What would you suggest we do to resolve this?” Everyone loves to be asked for advice.
  • Offer alternatives. “Which way would you prefer?” This demonstrates your respect for the other person.
  • Ask about their feelings. “How do you feel about this?” People love to have their feelings validated.
  • Repeat back what they said. “Let me be sure I understand what you’re saying. You’re saying that…?” This technique will prevent misunderstandings and convince them that you really are listening.

listening 3—Listening is an attitude of the heart, a genuine desire to be with another which both attracts and heals.

Is Happiness A Decision Or A Feeling……?   3 comments

Is Happiness A Decision Or A Feeling……?

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“Most folks are as happy as they make up their mind to be.”

Abraham Lincoln

I asked this question on my show on radio today and was quite impressed with people’s response…. a lot of people were of the opinion that Happiness is a Decision… but then comes the question If its a decision why do we have more UN-happy people out there? Is it that they choose to be UN-happy? Let me start by saying; happiness is a phenomenon every human on this planet desires in their hearts. Yet most of us look for happiness in all the wrong places and end up causing ourselves more suffering. This is the case sadly, because we are looking outside of ourselves for some-thing or some-one to bring us Happiness.

 

A 13th-century Persian poet simply called  Rumi once said; we go room to room looking for the diamond necklace around our neck. I totally agree with this saying, we search “everywhere” for happiness, and sadly; we never see where it really is, which is with us all along.

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I think we all would agree that Happiness does not depend on material things, such as driving a certain car or owning a prestigious house. (although, such things can add pleasure to our life).

We have to take note that, happiness does not depend on what happens or on other people, like whether tou hve a significant other or not. (although, having loving and supportive people around does add to our enjoyment).

“Don’t wit around for other people to be happy for you. Any happiness you get you’ve got to make yourself.”

Alice Walker

 

Sometimes people choose to wallow and take no responsibility for things… you can’t choose how you feel, but you can make choices to enhance your chance of feeling happy.

Happiness is not to be found anywhere in the external world.

Personally, I believe the main obstacle to happiness is our faulty thinking. For Instance thinking, Some-one or some-thing can make you happy, is faulty thinking. you have a choice, to be happy, but do you want to be If your answer is YES! Then its time you should decide to be.

I like to remind myself that I am the creator of my own thoughts and state of mind. It is my choice what feeling I choose to have on any given day. This does not mean I don’t go with the flow of feelings (Of course I do … I am no robot), but the fact that I can choose at any given moment to change what it is I desire…. is just re-assuring.

“Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.”

Mahatma Gandhi

 

Sadly, a lot of us have learned to quietly accept whatever happens to us, without question, without standing up and saying ‘No!’ We have become passive, powerless and uninspired robots, going along with the crowd. It’s a sad state of affairs that we have been raised in. It seems somewhere along the line, a standard was laid out for us and we are ‘expected’ to magically meet this invisible ‘standard’ by compromising and living according to someone else’s perspectives… I ask you now….  Where is the happiness in that?

It is about time that we realise that we are empowered within us to choose our emotion, to choose how we respond or react to something, is all up to us. It is all choice!!!

So again I say… Choosing happiness is a choice.

Just take a minute to think about how you are feeling right now. How long has it been since you chose what you wanted to feel?

Now, I am not saying that you go into a state of denial if you are in one kind of trauma or another, but I am suggesting that you put in a new option for yourself. Instead of sitting in pain, decide for a few minutes that you will focus on happiness. Plus, it doesn’t hurt to try; because think about it would you rather go through life choosing happiness and drawing happy experiences to yourself, or would you rather just sit in pain and expect the worst, thereby feeling the worst?

So where can we find happiness?

I will tell you…. stop looking outside  for what can only be found inside.

And make a decision to be happy.

I would like to formally invite you to be Happy!

Repeat the phrase below:

I, your name, decide to be happy right now, despite the state of the world, or what happens to me and around me.

I absolutely know it is my God-given birth right to be happy.

And as the light of God that i am, I reclaim happiness and happiness reclaims me.

Make the decision everyday to be happy!!!

 

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“Happiness doesn’t depend on any external conditions; it is governed by our mental attitude.”

Dale Carnegie

 

 

BETRAYAL   1 comment

 

betrayal 5

BETRAYAL

“When you betray someone else, you also betray yourself!!!”

The word itself – betrayal would look dark to most people because of its meaning. No one likes to be betrayed. In fact every security measure we see in the world today is to guard against betrayal. That is betrayal by neighbors, the government, by parents, by colleagues, by friends and one of the most popularly talked about – betrayal by a lover or spouse. One way or the other everyone has experienced this phenomenon, in fact some of you probably might have lost a big business deal, a huge amount of money, some property or the love and respect of a someone you cherished – because you got betrayed by someone.

betrayal 3“To stay angry is to be a victim……you need to move on …….because that’s the real victory!!!”

Anyway, if I were to ask now “…Is betrayal a good thing or a bad thing?” – I wonder what your response would be? Well if I had to guess I think almost everyone would say “… Of course, betrayal is a bad thing.” – Well! You wouldn’t be wrong if you said that. But, this word we’ve tagged bad can also be GOOD! “…Okay!!!! Hold it!” – Before you crucify me let me explain.

 

So, how can betrayal be a good thing? You ask…. This is how I see it. If at a certain point in time you were not betrayal you probably wouldn’t have been able to push past your comfort zone to get to the higher heights that you need to get to. To a lot of people betrayal was a much needed push factor. Please don’t reject this school of thought until you’ve given yourself time to ponder seriously on it. Now, think back on what made you take that first courageous move…. It might have been you starting your business alone when initially you didn’t think yourself up to the task, or you working so hard on developing yourself. Think real hard on what the starting point to building your self confidence was. Is it possible that you would realize that after going through that experience of hurt and betrayal you got yourself up and made that bold move into the next phases in your life? Don’t rush take your time.

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Human beings are generally creatures of comfort and it would take a lot to push us out of our comfort zone. We all seek earnestly to move up to the next level in life but most of us are not ready to give up that comfort zone for anything just yet. Well, getting out of your comfort zone is a requirement in the journey to the next level and for that to happen most times an external force is required to push us. Just like Sir Isaac Newton’s first law of motion states every object will remain at rest unless compelled to change its state by the action of an external force. In this case, betrayal is that external force. But, please I would like to state that not everyone will have to experience betrayal as a push factor; but for those who do I’d liKe you to see it (Betrayal) as a step to the next new level in your life.

betrayal 4STAY STRONG!!!!