Archive for the ‘F.E.A.R’ Tag

Signs Fear is Slowly Breaking You Down   2 comments

fearSigns Fear is Slowly Breaking You Down

So many of us these days are riddled with fear.  It’s running the show in our lives, and taking the wheel in most of our decision-making.  But the funny thing is, most people don’t even know it.  This is partly because, in our culture, we tend to dress up “fear” in the more socially acceptable clothes of “stress.”  And stress … well, goodness… stress is practically a badge of success in our culture of busyness.

We’ve been taught to think that fear is for losers.  We see it as a weakness – something we should hide from others and deal with it alone behind closed doors.  But fear shouldn’t remain hidden or elicit shame.  Now more than ever, our fears need to shamelessly take center stage so we can let fear illuminate everything that is in need of healing in our lives, so we can finally be free.

But fear is tricky, and it shows up in all kinds of disguises.  And until you see it for what it is, it’s impossible to interact properly with fear.

How can you tell if fear is stifling your life and slowly breaking you down? Here are a few thoughts.

1. You find yourself striving in vain for an impossible-to-achieve standard of perfection.

progress not perfectionWhen you’re afraid (of criticism, failure and rejection), you’ll kill yourself trying to be perfect.  Of course, the mask of perfection also separates you from what you most want: real intimacy, to be known, loved, and accepted for your true self.

2. You settle.

When you’re afraid to take risks and go for what you really want, you convince yourself that your less-than-juicy life – your relationships, your job, the dismal state of your thinking – is as good as it gets.  When fear runs the show, you forget how to dream and stretch your comfort zone.  You compromise in the name of being “realistic.”  But settling isn’t realism; it’s a devastating symptom of the fear that what you hope is possible really isn’t.

3. You say yes when you mean no.

When you’re afraid to disappoint people or get rejected if you don’t say yes, you’ll fall into fear-based, people-pleasing, self-sacrificing behaviors that lead to unhappiness and resentment.  But when fear is no longer weighing you down, you say no when it feels self-loving.  As they say, “No” is a complete sentence.  There doesn’t need to be an explanation everyone agrees with.  This doesn’t mean you won’t devote yourself to generosity and service.  It means the service stems from a genuine love-based, rather than a fear-based, motivation.

4. You say no when you mean yes.

When you’re afraid, you’re unlikely to take any risks at all.  You’ll feel the longing to start your own business, go out with your dream date, take that bucket list trip, start a family, or take an educational class.  But you’ll say no because you’re afraid to fail, afraid to succeed, afraid to get rejected, afraid to stir things up, afraid to get out of your comfort zone.

When you face fear rather than running from it, you’ll start letting your soul take the lead, taking leaps of faith and saying yes when you really want to.

5. You numb yourself with alcohol, drugs, TV, sex or unnecessary busyness.

Fear causes inner pain, a soul sickness that can show up as depression, anxiety, helplessness, hopelessness, frustration, sadness, loneliness and exhaustion.  In order to avoid this inner pain, you engage in addictions and other numbing behaviors.  This only puts a temporary Band-Aid on the pain, while increasing feelings of low self-esteem that just escalate the inner agony.

When you’re not afraid to be quiet with yourself, to face your inner demons, to heal from the core, you’ll no longer need excessive amounts of alcohol, cigarettes, junk food, painkillers, or other numbing distractions.  You’ll have the courage to do the transformative work that leads you to freedom and life-saving solutions.

free yourself

6.  You get sick (often).

Fear isn’t just an uncomfortable emotion that holds you back from following your dreams.  It also triggers physical stress responses in your body that put you at risk of disease and make it hard for you to physically heal yourself.  Fearful people are more likely to have heart attacks, cancer, diabetes, autoimmune disorders, inflammatory illnesses, chronic pain and even the common cold.  They’re also more likely to experience milder physical ailments, such as insomnia, obesity, low energy, headaches, body aches, and decreased libido.

#FearNot!

This isn’t meant to frighten you.  It’s meant to wake you up, give you hope, and inspire you to embark upon the journey of transformation from fear to freedom.

fear end

#FoodForThought

 

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Ways You’re Making Your Life Harder Than It Has To Be   Leave a comment

 

life being tough

Ways You’re Making Your Life Harder Than It Has To Be

When we were young life was easier, right?  I know sometimes it seems that way.  But the truth is life still is easy.  It always will be.  The only difference is we’re older, and the older we get, the harder we make things for ourselves.

You see, when we were young we saw the world through simple, hopeful eyes.  We knew what we wanted and we had no biases or concealed agendas.  We liked people who smiled.  We avoided people who frowned.  We ate when we were hungry, drank when we were thirsty, and slept when we were tired.
As we grew older our minds became gradually disillusioned by negative external influences.  At some point we began to hesitate and question our instincts.  When a new obstacle or growing pain arose, we stumbled and fell down.  This happened several times.  Eventually we decided we didn’t want to fall again, but rather than solving the problem that caused us to fall, we avoided it all together.

As a result, we ate comfort food and drank alcohol to numb our wounds and fill our voids.  We worked late nights on purpose to avoid unresolved conflicts at home.  We started holding grudges, playing mind games, and subtly deceiving others and ourselves to get ahead. And when it didn’t work out, we lived above our means, used lies to cover up lies, and ate and drank some more just to make ourselves feel better again.

Over the course of time, we made our lives harder and harder, and we started losing touch with who we really are and what we really need.

If you’re nodding your head, then you understand the need for “Getting Back to Happy”, and you know deep down that you’ve gradually made your life harder than it has to be.

Here are some common mistakes you’ve likely made in the past.

You let other people steal from you.

If you had a million dollars in cash under your mattress, you would check it regularly and take precautions to insure it is safe. The one possession you have that is more important than money is time. But you don’t do anything to protect it. In fact you willingly give it to thieves. Selfish people, egotistical people, negative people, people who won’t shut up. Treat your time like a Fortress. Guard it closely and give it only to those who deserve and respect it.

You’re trying to compete with everyone else. – If you compete with everyone else, you will become bitter.  If you compete with a previous version of yourself, you will become better.  It’s as simple as that.

You focus on popularity over effectiveness. – Seek respect, not attention.  It lasts longer and it’s far more useful in the end.  Do things and build things that make a lasting difference.  And above all, never confuse popularity with effectiveness.  Being popular means you’re liked for a while.  Being effective means you’ve made a difference.

You let others make you feel guilty for living your life. – As long as you’re not hurting anyone else, keep living your life YOUR way.  Sometimes we get lost in trying to live for someone else, trying to meet their expectations, and doing things just to impress them.  Take a moment and think about it.  Are you doing things because you truly believe in them?  Remember your own goals.  Live, do and love so that you are happy, because when it comes down to it, relationships can end in an instant, but you will live with yourself for the rest of your life.

You keep cutting corners and taking the easy way out. – Do what is right, not what is easy.  And do the right thing even if no one else will ever know.  Why?  Because YOU will know.

You focus on every point in time other than now. – You can’t change yesterday, but you can ruin today by worrying about tomorrow.  Be present.  Tomorrow will reveal itself exactly as it should, just as yesterday already has.

You are stuck on your mistakes. – It’s important that we forgive ourselves for making mistakes.  We need to learn from our errors and move forward.  Make a pact with yourself today to not be defined by your past.  Sometimes the greatest thing to come out of all your hard work isn’t what you get for it, but what you learn from it.  A happy, successful life, after all, is not a life absent of problems, but one that’s been able to rise above them.

You are part of the drama circle. – How would your life be different if you walked away from drama, gossip and verbal defamation?  Let today be the day you speak only about the good you know of other people and encourage others to do the same.  Those that refuse to support you CAN be ignored by you.  It’s as simple as that.  Incredible things happen when you distance yourself from negativity and those who create it.  Don’t get caught up in drama.  Just walk on by.

You allow toxic people to get the best of you. – You don’t ever have to feel guilty about removing toxic people from your life.  It doesn’t matter whether someone is a relative, romantic interest, colleague, childhood friend or a new acquaintance.  You don’t have to make room for people who cause you pain or make you feel small.  It’s one thing if a person owns up to their behaviour and makes an effort to change.  But if a person disregards your feelings, ignores your boundaries and continues to treat you in a harmful way, they need to go

You’re letting loss devour you. – Sometimes you have to work at happiness.  Some hurdles in life are too difficult to clear simply by adopting a positive mindset.  Do you need to forgive someone?  Do you need to let go of a failed relationship?  Do you need to come to terms with the death of a loved one?  Life is full of loss.  But, in a sense, true happiness would not be possible without it.  It helps us appreciate the good times.  It helps us grow.  If you’re struggling to see the light, you’re not alone.  Find someone who understands and talk to them.  Reach out for support.  Don’t let loss devour you.

You avoid facing the truth. – The truth does not cease to exist when it is ignored.  You cannot find peace by avoiding things.  You have to feel it to heal it.  Bring your fears and weaknesses front and center and shine a blazing spotlight on them.  Because the only way out is through.  The pain of facing the truth is SO worth it in the long run, I swear.

You put off making decisions. – Bad decisions are almost always better than no decisions at all.  Indecisiveness just delays, while bad decisions teach us to yield better ones.  In the end, we most often regret the chances we didn’t take, the relationships we were afraid to have, and the decisions we waited too long to make.

You expect life to always be happy. – The world can be a difficult place.  You may experience suffering, heartbreak and loss.  These circumstances can take a toll on your happiness, but do not lose hope.  Think about the Yin and Yang in Chinese philosophy, which states that opposite forces are often interconnected.  In suffering, you can find great strength, in heartbreak you can find resilience, and in loss you can find a renewed appreciation for life.  Life is always Yin and Yang.  Opposites are interdependent and interconnected.  You can’t completely shield yourself from sadness without also shielding yourself from happiness.

life easy

As you know, when we stop doing the wrong things and start doing the right things, life gets easier.  It just makes sense.  So how have you been making your life harder than it has to be?   What can you do today to simplify things? #Food4Thought

I want to say thanks to Marc Chernoff you’ve been inspiring.

F.E.A.R   4 comments


F.E.A.R

“Fear is only as deep as the mind allows”

Fear a crippling phenomenon, so many of us live in fear, but it comes in different shapes, sizes and degree. From the fear of heights, fear of being alone, to the fear of being a disappointment. Personally I think the greatest fear of all is the fear of the unknown. Like a vortex the fear of the unknown has the ability to obliterate everything around it I mean literally suck out the life out of a being but here is the twist…….this can only happen if you let it.

“….But how is that possible you say?” well!!! I’ll tell you simply in one word or maybe two…. “YOUR -MIND”

The Mind is the most powerful tool on earth yet we take it for granted, filling it up with junk…..okay! Okay!! So we don’t digress let’s talk about the mind another day, for now let’s focus on how the mind can squash fear…..You have a choice in every situation a choice to win or lose, a choice to get hurt and let it weigh you down or pick yourself up, a choice to shy away from life or face it head on; at the end of the day we are all product of our choices.

Whether, we live in fear or not is our choice. A friend once proceeded to ask out a girl he was truly crazy about and he said what’s the worst that could happen? There are only two answers she would give either yes!!! Or No!!! Now, obviously the positive answer is preferred which of course would give this friend of mine joy but he prepared his mind for even the negative answer saying “If I do get a No….at least I tried.” A popular saying goes better to have tried and lost than never to have tried at all”…ermmm!!!  I think that’s the way it goes…Lol!!!!

So many of us are scared of failure, rejection, and disappointment unfortunately instead of facing these things we rather seat on our hands and wonder about these negative feelings……. “Am scared he won’t love me…. Am not good enough or qualified enough for the job…” we get so wrapped up in our worries we end up not trying anything at all. So many people have allowed fear steal a big junk of their lives leaving them wondering a few years down the line “what would my life have been like if only I tried…?

The funny thing about fear is once you allow it in a couple of times it becomes a permanent house guest and gets bolder with time, before you know It’s a trait, next thing you know it’s in your makeup. I’ve got a newsflash for you….you decide who and what you are…Q.E.D

“You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing which you think you cannot do.”
Eleanor Roosevelt

          There are only two responses to fear which are flee or fight….again choices; you either allow fear to subdue you or; you subdue it. Most a times fear relates to future occurrences, because we feel we cannot control what happens next.

There, is that fear, which I like to call the fear of the unknown. It’s like looking into a pitch black hall way knowing that anything can pop your way soon but you still have to make a decision to make… to stay where you are; Or to proceed. So many people have decided to stay put instead of proceeding allowing fear to rule their lives, and because of that today we have a lot people who are not where or who they ought to be….and really that just very sad!!!!

You might ask “…Hey soul sista don’t you get scared?” of course I do I get very scared heck!!! Am human aren’t I? But here is the deal getting scared to the point where you allow fear become a controlling factor in your life? Is a big No! No!! Not at all!!! Personally I kick against anything that seeks control over my life except God! Who you should willingly give control over your life…Nothing else should be allowed to control your life.

Now, according to research analyzed by Bill Tanner frequent online queries that involved fear were…. Flying, heights, intimacy, death, war, terrorist attacks, social rejection, failure, people, enclosed spaces, snakes, evil power, Public speaking ,crawling insects (cockroaches, spiders e.t.c) and so many more. Now, whatever it is that you are afraid of be like my friend whom I mentioned earlier in this write up and prepare yourself for every possible outcome; most of the time the worst outcomes rarely occurs.

A QUICK GUIDE TO GOING BEYOND FEAR:

1. Acknowledge it.

2. Write down what you are afraid of (or anxious about).

3. Tell someone (a friend, teammate, your boss, your FB friends).

4. Item by item, come up with a game plan for what you (and your company) can do to address the root causes of what it is that is sparking fear in you.

5. Acknowledge your successes each time your fear subsides and is supplanted by relaxation, ease, insight, breakthrough, and success.

Here’s something you must always remember when next fear tries to creep in; know this: FEAR is like hallucination, it’s not real.

You want to know the real definition of fear? Well here it is

False

Evidence

Appearing

Real!!!

The only time fear is good is when it causes a positive action/response. It’s important that you never allow FEAR control your life, or you miss out on a lot. Take that bold step today and confront your F.E.A.R

“The greatest mistake you can make in life is to continually be afraid you will make one.”
Elbert Hubbard

“Courage is not living without fear. 
Courage is being scared to death and doing the right thing anyway.”
– Chae Richardson –

Posted March 6, 2012 by Faith Onyebujoh in Uncategorized

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