Archive for the ‘Happiness’ Tag

THE POWER OF “THANK YOU!”   6 comments

THE POWER OF “THANK YOU!”

thank u 1God gave you a gift of 86,400 seconds today. Have you used one to say ‘thank you?

William Arthur Ward

 

I’ve got a CRAZY question for you…

How often do you say “thank you?”

I’m not talking about the robotic “thank you” you give at a fast food joint on picking your burger.

Or the “thanks” you say when people hold the door open for you.

I’m talking about the sincere, time-consuming “thank you.”

Think about it… How often do you say it? My guess is you do, but wish you could do it more, right?

 

thank u 4

 

The simple act of saying ‘thank you’ is a demonstration of gratitude in response to an experience that was meaningful to a customer or citizen.

Simon Mainwaring

 

“Thank You! ….. Are they just words or do they have the power to make people take action?”

 

They are two words that have the power to transform our health, happiness, athletic performance and success. Research shows that grateful people are happier and more likely to maintain good friendships. A state of gratitude, according to research by the Institute of HeartMath, also improves the heart’s rhythmic functioning, which helps us to reduce stress, think more clearly under pressure and heal physically. It’s actually physiologically impossible to be stressed and thankful at the same time. When you are grateful you flood your body and brain with emotions and endorphins that uplift and energize you rather than the stress hormones that drain you.

Saying thank you in life and business is powerful, thoughtful, memorable, inexpensive, and easy. Plus, the opportunities to give thanks are endless.

Gratitude is like muscle. The more we do with it the stronger it gets.

thank u 2

 

‘Thank you’ is the best prayer that anyone could say. I say that one a lot. Thank you expresses extreme gratitude, humility, understanding.

Alice Walker

Here are some tips you can use to develop the profitable habit of saying “Thank you”:

  • Be specific in your thanks. It’s one thing to say, “I appreciate what you did today. Thanks a lot.” That’s a soap-bubble comment. Pretty while it lasts, but gone in seconds. It’s general and vague. When you thank them for something specific, that’s Velcro. That’s a thanks they remember because it sticks. You hook your gratitude to something the employee did. For instance, an employee just handled a difficult phone call with a customer really well. Thank them for that specific activity.
  • Appreciate the process. Target your appreciation on what the employee or vendor did. Let’s go back to the worker who took the phone call. Avoid telling the employee, “Thanks for helping me keep that customer.” That’s just an outcome that benefits you. Say, “I like how you hung in there when that customer was being difficult. You were really patient and respectful.” The same type of strategy goes for vendors. Give thanks for doing something that was an extra-mile effort for them, recognizing the above-and-beyond work.

    It’s about them, not you. Showing that you know something about them, and that you’re able to place yourself in their shoes, is incredibly valuable. Connect your gift-giving with life beyond the business walls. If a vendor became a grandpa, give him a copy of “Goodnight, Moon” to read to the little one. If an employee’s mother died of breast cancer this year, make an end-of -the-year donation to Race for the Cure in her name. Such intimacy breaks the relationship ice in a transformational, not just transactional, direction which is the game-changing pathway to greater profits.

  • Go old school with your thanks. In this digital world of emails and texts, Facebook and Twitter, the simple and quick act of writing a handwritten expression of gratitude can go a long way. There’s something special today about a handwritten note. It tells them you took out time to specifically appreciate them. Plus you create return business when you take pen in hand and write, “Thank you,” to your customers. Just say, “I know you could do business with others, but you chose us. Thank you! We treasure our relationship.”

Implement these tips, and your business will likely say “Thank you” back to you as you increase your profits year-round.

 

 

“The Gratitude Effect …… makes it possible that down the line you and others will get help.”

thank u 3 

Now, let’s look at some ways to practice being Thankful every day.

  1. Take a Daily Thank You Walk –Take a simple 5 or 10-minute walk each day and say out loud what you are thankful for. This will set you up for a positive day.
  2. Meal Time Thank You’s – (For those of us that still have family meal time.) At meal-time with your friends and family, go around the table and have each person, including the kids at the little table, say what they are thankful for.
  3. Gratitude Visit – Martin Seligman, Ph.D., an American psychologist, suggests that we write a letter expressing our gratitude to someone. Then we visit this person and read them the letter. His research shows that people who do this are measurably happier and less depressed a month later.
  4. Say Thank You at Work – we spend more hours with our colleagues t work than family…. so it won’t hurt to energize and engage your co-workers and team by letting them know you are grateful for them and their work. Oh! Another thing do not forget to say thank you to your clients and customers too….. It does wonders …… don’t take my word for it try it out.

So, leave a comment and let me know what you think about saying “thanks!”

PLUS, I’ve got a challenge for you.

A challenge that will make you a better person…

…and it’s a challenge that will help you run a better business.

What is it?

It’s simple:

Today I want you to take the time to say thank you to people who have helped you.

And MAKE IT COUNT.

Giving thanks is fun and puts a smile on everyone’s face. Give it a try.

Thank u 5

“Let gratitude be the pillow upon which you kneel to say your nightly prayer. And let faith be the bridge you build to overcome evil and welcome good.”

Maya Angelou,

WHY YOU SHOULD SPEND TIME WITH YOURSELF   3 comments

 

WHY YOU SHOULD SPEND TIME WITH YOURSELF

me time

” Talk to yourself once in a day…. otherwise you may miss meeting n excellent person in the world.”

Swani Vivekananda

Why are people so incredibly against being alone? We all seem to be afraid of it. We make friends who usually aren’t worth having. We date people we shouldn’t be dating. We spend our time and money running away from being on our own.

Loneliness is not something to aim for, but being alone doesn’t necessarily mean being lonely. In fact, spending more time with ourselves, without being surrounded by people, and without virtually surrounding ourselves via all those social networking platforms, we can find solace in the company that matters most: the relationship we have with ourselves.

Here are some benefits of spending time alone:

1. Introduces You To A Simple Life

A simple life is a beautiful life. In this day and age, we often find ourselves overwhelmed with things we want to do, ought to do, need to do and are avoiding doing. We all have so much going on in our lives, but to what end? It’s as if we are all running some sort of race, a race with no real finish other than death. People are aiming for a happy life somewhere down the line when the point of life is being happy throughout the ride. #Food4Thought

2. Allows You To Keep Your Mind Clear

I’m sure I’m not the only person who finds myself mentally overwhelmed. Our minds are capable of storing massive amounts of information. However, you can’t simply collect information. You need to organize it. Our minds have a filing system that, in part, works on its own, but it requires slowing down and removing yourself from the constant flow of new information. You can’t process and file simultaneously. We don’t come equipped with dual processors…. In fact, looking at perception…. we are constantly interacting with others and constantly processing new information, it makes getting a grasp on reality rather tricky. It’s not so much that you don’t have a clear perception of your reality; it’s that you don’t take enough time to explore the reality you’ve created. Removing yourself from the world allows you to reacquaint yourself with the way you see the world

3. You Will Learn Things About Yourself That You Couldn’t Otherwise

By understanding the way you perceive the world, you gain insight into you as an individual. You will have more time to consciously roam around in your mind, to notice the way you think, notice the way your thoughts interact with the physical world, and notice how you judge both the outside world and yourself.

We think all the time, but it’s not often that we look at our thoughts from the outside looking in. We are more often than not caught up in thought, failing to differentiate our formulated thoughts from ourselves, the thinkers. Spend more time alone to develop the ability to differentiate yourself from all those thoughts flying about in your head. You two aren’t one in the same.

4. Relieves Anxiety

Because we don’t differentiate between ourselves and our thoughts, anxiety quickly builds. If we are overwhelmed by all the thoughts we’re having, not being able to slow them down because we feel they are a part of us, we begin to feel heavy and sluggish. If the thoughts are negative, they end up affecting us profoundly. Spending more time on your own will allow you the opportunity to set your mind straight and rid yourself of unnecessary negative thoughts, alleviating your anxiety.

 

treat urself

To truly love someone, we first have to explore what love is, and that means starting with the person you spend the most time with yourself!

5. Forces You To Become Less Dependent On Others

Most people don’t like being alone because they feel the need to be social, to interact with others. This is a part of human nature. However, the amount of social interaction we require to remain sane is nowhere near the amount most of us experience on a daily basis. Moreover, the amount necessary is much less than the amount we feel we need.

The fact is, most of us are dependent on others for our happiness. We use them as distractions. The question is…… distraction from what? From ourselves? Yea! But why do you feel the need to keep you away from you? #Food4Thought

6. Your Life Becomes More Efficient

We spend a lot of time in our lives, messing around. We do things for the sake of doing them. We “hang out.” We “chill.” We find ways of filling up our days in order not to have time to do nothing – because doing nothing is bad. But the fact is, you can’t do nothing; it’s physically impossible. You are a living thing and are always doing something.

More than that, you are a human being. Our minds aren’t capable of doing absolutely nothing. Try doing nothing and you’ll notice that you’re still doing something. Becoming comfortable with being alone removes a lot of excess waste from your life because you come to realize it as being useless.

7. Slow Down

Life isn’t a race. If it were, then you should be trying to avoid the finish line, not get there sooner. Taking the time to slow down and enjoy the little things ……. the air around you, the chair you are sitting in, the way your tongue feels pressed against your teeth ………. all these things will bring you greater joy than you ever thought possible. Being alive should be enough to make you happy. If it doesn’t, you need to slow down and remove yourself from distractions.

8. Remove Yourself From Unnecessary Information

Just 10 years ago, we weren’t exposed to nearly as much information as we are now. Looking back 50 years, the difference is colossal. Human beings are not yet used to being fed so much information; processing all this information can become difficult – mostly because the majority of it is useless to us. Humans developed their cognitive abilities as a means of surviving.

But knowing that Sarah is eating a cheeseburger via Instagram or that Justin Bieber may get deported via Twitter does not relate to our personal happiness. It’s all information that doesn’t make the least bit difference to our personal lives, to our well-being. Unplugging from this constant stream of information will be and is incredibly relieving.

9. You’ll Come To Accept That You’re Enough To Make Yourself Happy

The only way to achieve sustainable happiness is to be happy with the bare minimum. Why? Maintaining anything requires consistence and the only thing you can never lose and never have to worry about losing is you. You will always have you. You can lose everything else, but you can’t lose you. Learn to be happy with just yourself and everything else positive that comes your way will only be a very pleasant surprise…… personally I think the worst thing for anyone to lose would be their #Mind.

10. You’ll Save Money
It turns out that being alone is a lot cheaper than spending time with others. Alone, you can literally just sit or close your eyes and do close to nothing, just thinking and imagining. Now imagine trying to convince your friends to come over and do the same. Not going to happen. You’re going to have to spend money one way or another. Socializing always comes at a price, while being alone only costs you on occasion…. see? Spending time with yourself is also cost effective. Lol!!!

Say yes to u11. Allows You To Set Your Priorities Straight

Society convinces us that we want a lot of things we really don’t want. It’s the competitive nature of man that has us reaching for the stars when, in reality, the ground under our feet is more than enough. There’s nothing wrong with aiming high….. Of course I do that too….. but make sure that what you’re aiming for is something you actually want, not something you want because others want it as well…… Or what the media has brain washed you into wanting.

If you don’t really want something, but are aiming for it, anyway, you are only setting yourself up for disappointment. If you don’t get it, you’ll be disappointed with not getting it, and if you do get it, you’ll be disappointed that it wasn’t what you thought it’d be. Get your priorities straight and you’ll have less disappointment in your life.

12. Allows You To Stay More Focused

We aren’t meant to just be focusing on tasks. We are also meant to focus on ourselves. Very few living creatures are capable of understanding themselves as individuals — one of the most simply act without understanding that they exist. For whatever reason, our culture emphasizes constant action and little reflection. Spend some time focusing on yourself and your thoughts and less on actions. There’s no point of constantly going after achievements if you lose sight of who you are as a living being.

13. Makes You Accept That You’re Alone In This Life – And Makes You Okay With It

That sounded like a sad thought right? But, we are born alone and we die alone. What few come to realize is that the majority of our lives we actually spend alone. We spend a lot of our lives trying not to be alone, true, but in reality, we are alone the entire time. That’s okay. In fact, it’s wonderful. You are you and just you. You are unique. You are one of a kind. You don’t need anyone else to make you better because you are amazing just the way you are. You’re simply choosing to ignore that fact.

Spend more time with yourself and only yourself, and soon you will realize that as truth.

The most important relationship we can all have is the one you have with yourself, the most important journey you can take is one of self-discovery. To know yourself, you must spend time with yourself, you must not be afraid to be alone. Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom.

 

froggie” Talk to yourself like you would to someone you love.”

Brene Brown

 

THE ART OF LISTENING   1 comment

THE ART OF LISTENING

It is the province of knowledge to speak. And it is the privilege of wisdom to listen.

Oliver Wendell Holmes

http://blogs.lt.vt.edu/ankitpathak04/files/2013/11/Dr-Alan-Zimmerman-Leadership-and-Listening.jpgHello friends forgive my absence I’ve had to deal with a lot lately; but am back and i would love to talk about “Listening” i tagged this write up “The Art Of Listening cos i truly believe listening is an art. let be start by stating that “Hearing”is different from “Listening”. Hearing is the process of perceiving sound produced by any sound source in the environment while listening is the process of deriving meaning from organized sounds. Listening is also more complicated and entailing than hearing. bottom line the difference between these two is “Attention”. Listening is a skill — one that is capable of being not only honed, but lost.  No wonder listening is an undervalued art. Research shows that we speak at a rate of about 125 words per minute, yet we have the capacity to listen to approximately 400 words per minute. So what are we doing with that extra space in our minds when someone else is talking? Are we really listening?

listening 2–To listen fully means to pay close attention to what is being said beneath the words. #ArtOfListening

Peter Senge

Listening is essential to fulfilling relationships. If you are experiencing challenging interactions or you want your connections to deepen, reflect on how you can improve your listening skills. Here are some benefits of truly listening:

  • People will feel be more drawn to you; they will like you more.
  • You will learn something new.
  • You will solve problems more effectively.
  • You will experience less loneliness and frustration.
  • You will feel happier and more relaxed.

Learn to listen well, and watch all your relationships thrive. Here’s how.

—The best way to understand people is to listen to them. #ArtOfListening — Ralph Nichols

1.      Pay attention
Since our brains have the capacity to process 275 more words per minute than are actually spoken, we tend to fill up the void with extraneous thoughts. Notice how when someone is speaking, you are partially listening, while simultaneously planning the rest of your day, replaying a meeting that just occurred, or deciding what you will say next. Paying attention is the cardinal rule for good listening. Hear the words, and let their meaning in. If your mind wanders, simply re-focus your attention on the conversation.

—We have to listen to each other, even when we don’t agree.

2.      Be receptive
If you show up with an agenda, you are not going to be available to fully hear what the other person is saying. There is no problem with having goals for an interaction, but let them go while the other person is speaking so you can hear what is being expressed. Balance your need for a given outcome with your desire to sustain a harmonious relationship.

—One who cares is one who listens.

3.      Check your understanding
Make sure you can repeat what you just heard, and if you can’t, ask for clarification. You might be surprised at how much you are missing. Most people are. When you think you’ve gotten it, you might say, “So what you are saying is….” to verify your understanding.

— Secret of success,lies in d ability to get the other person’s point of view & see things from his angle as well as yours #ArtOfListening

4.      Be an explorer
Explorers are open and curious. They are inquisitive, without knowing what they will find. So what to do with all of that excess brain power? Focus on the speaker. Notice body language, tone of voice, and rate of speaking. Then look beneath the words to see what feelings and needs are being communicated. You never know what you might find.

— The golden rule of friendship is to listen to others as you would have them listen to you. #ArtOfListening

5.      Show interest
If you find yourself bored and distracted, reconnect with the interaction. Maintain eye contact, uncross your arms, and ask questions that take the conversation deeper. Find out what really matters to the person you are speaking with.

— Eyes see only light, ears hear only sound, but a listening heart perceives meaning. #ArtOfListening

6.      Be patient
As much as you may be tempted, don’t speak over someone who is talking. When you feel the urge to step in, take a breath, let your agenda go, and continue to listen. If you need to move the conversation along, do so politely, as in, “Excuse me, I’m so sorry for interrupting, but ….” Likewise, be careful not to jump to conclusions or assume you know what hasn’t yet been said. These are all signs that your inner explorer has fallen asleep. Revitalize your experience by paying attention to what is happening in the moment.

— Listening is a sign of respect. It makes people feel valued. #ArtOfListening

7.      Get out of a rut
Have you ever had the same problematic conversation with someone over and over? Bring a fresh perspective to the relationship by redoubling your efforts to listen. Let go of your need to be right or your ideas about what the other person should be saying or doing, and hear them as if for the first time. This moves you from contraction and limit to possibility and potential simply by listening.

— One person who is truly understanding, and takes the trouble to listen to us,can change our whole outlook on the world. #ArtOfListening — Dr. E. H. Mayo

Effective listening develops empathy, which is the capacity for a deep understanding of another’s experience. And isn’t that what it takes for a relationship to thrive? It’s as simple as paying attention.

listening 1— We have two ears and one mouth, so we should listen more than we say. #ArtOfListening

Here are some suggestions for developing your listening skills:

  • Develop the desire to listen. You must accept the fact that listening to others is your strongest weapon. Given the opportunity, the other person will tell you everything you need to know. If this doesn’t create desire, I don’t know what will.
  • Always let the other person do most of the talking.This is a simple matter of mathematics. I suggest a 70/30 rule. You listen 70% of the time and you talk 30% of the time.
  • Don’t interrupt. There is always the temptation to interrupt so you can tell the other person something you think is vitally important. It isn’t, so don’t. When you are about to speak, ask yourself if it is really necessary.
  • Learn active listening. It’s not enough that you’re listening to someone – you want to be sure that they know you’re listening. Active listening is the art of communicating to the other person that you’re hearing their every word.
  • Ask for clarification if needed. This will clear up any misunderstanding you have.
  • Get used to ‘listening’ for nonverbal messages – body language. The other person may be communicating with you via body language. You need to decode the message.
  • Ask a question…then shut up. This is a foolproof way to listen. Think of yourself as an interviewer – Barbara Walters! She listens and questions – so should you.

A good listener tries to understand what is being said first; he/she may disagree, but at least he/she knows exactly what they are disagreeing with.#ArtOfListening

Tips For Asking Questions

Once you have learned how to keep yourself from speaking, the art of asking questions is the shortcut to effective listening. Here are some tips for asking questions:

  • Ask open-ended questions. Questions that can’t be answered with a simple yes or no. “How could we do this?” “What do you think?” Your objective is to get them to talk as much as possible.
  • Don’t ask questions that put them on the defensive. For example, “Why?” is intimidating. Don’t ask “why?” Ask “how come?”
  • Ask “What if?” What if we did it this way?
  • Ask for their advice. “What would you suggest we do to resolve this?” Everyone loves to be asked for advice.
  • Offer alternatives. “Which way would you prefer?” This demonstrates your respect for the other person.
  • Ask about their feelings. “How do you feel about this?” People love to have their feelings validated.
  • Repeat back what they said. “Let me be sure I understand what you’re saying. You’re saying that…?” This technique will prevent misunderstandings and convince them that you really are listening.

listening 3—Listening is an attitude of the heart, a genuine desire to be with another which both attracts and heals.

Is Happiness A Decision Or A Feeling……?   3 comments

Is Happiness A Decision Or A Feeling……?

Happiness 1

 

“Most folks are as happy as they make up their mind to be.”

Abraham Lincoln

I asked this question on my show on radio today and was quite impressed with people’s response…. a lot of people were of the opinion that Happiness is a Decision… but then comes the question If its a decision why do we have more UN-happy people out there? Is it that they choose to be UN-happy? Let me start by saying; happiness is a phenomenon every human on this planet desires in their hearts. Yet most of us look for happiness in all the wrong places and end up causing ourselves more suffering. This is the case sadly, because we are looking outside of ourselves for some-thing or some-one to bring us Happiness.

 

A 13th-century Persian poet simply called  Rumi once said; we go room to room looking for the diamond necklace around our neck. I totally agree with this saying, we search “everywhere” for happiness, and sadly; we never see where it really is, which is with us all along.

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I think we all would agree that Happiness does not depend on material things, such as driving a certain car or owning a prestigious house. (although, such things can add pleasure to our life).

We have to take note that, happiness does not depend on what happens or on other people, like whether tou hve a significant other or not. (although, having loving and supportive people around does add to our enjoyment).

“Don’t wit around for other people to be happy for you. Any happiness you get you’ve got to make yourself.”

Alice Walker

 

Sometimes people choose to wallow and take no responsibility for things… you can’t choose how you feel, but you can make choices to enhance your chance of feeling happy.

Happiness is not to be found anywhere in the external world.

Personally, I believe the main obstacle to happiness is our faulty thinking. For Instance thinking, Some-one or some-thing can make you happy, is faulty thinking. you have a choice, to be happy, but do you want to be If your answer is YES! Then its time you should decide to be.

I like to remind myself that I am the creator of my own thoughts and state of mind. It is my choice what feeling I choose to have on any given day. This does not mean I don’t go with the flow of feelings (Of course I do … I am no robot), but the fact that I can choose at any given moment to change what it is I desire…. is just re-assuring.

“Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.”

Mahatma Gandhi

 

Sadly, a lot of us have learned to quietly accept whatever happens to us, without question, without standing up and saying ‘No!’ We have become passive, powerless and uninspired robots, going along with the crowd. It’s a sad state of affairs that we have been raised in. It seems somewhere along the line, a standard was laid out for us and we are ‘expected’ to magically meet this invisible ‘standard’ by compromising and living according to someone else’s perspectives… I ask you now….  Where is the happiness in that?

It is about time that we realise that we are empowered within us to choose our emotion, to choose how we respond or react to something, is all up to us. It is all choice!!!

So again I say… Choosing happiness is a choice.

Just take a minute to think about how you are feeling right now. How long has it been since you chose what you wanted to feel?

Now, I am not saying that you go into a state of denial if you are in one kind of trauma or another, but I am suggesting that you put in a new option for yourself. Instead of sitting in pain, decide for a few minutes that you will focus on happiness. Plus, it doesn’t hurt to try; because think about it would you rather go through life choosing happiness and drawing happy experiences to yourself, or would you rather just sit in pain and expect the worst, thereby feeling the worst?

So where can we find happiness?

I will tell you…. stop looking outside  for what can only be found inside.

And make a decision to be happy.

I would like to formally invite you to be Happy!

Repeat the phrase below:

I, your name, decide to be happy right now, despite the state of the world, or what happens to me and around me.

I absolutely know it is my God-given birth right to be happy.

And as the light of God that i am, I reclaim happiness and happiness reclaims me.

Make the decision everyday to be happy!!!

 

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“Happiness doesn’t depend on any external conditions; it is governed by our mental attitude.”

Dale Carnegie

 

 

SINGLE, HAPPY AND SATISFIED   9 comments

SINGLE, HAPPY AND SATISFIED

How can you be single and be satisfied?

woman satisfied

      Breakups are hard on everyone — but after the initial pain and sorrow passes you will find that flying solo isn’t that bad. In fact it can be downright fun….shocked? I felt the same way until I started experiencing it myself, so am here to tell you that it is possible to be SINGLE, HAPPY AND SATISFIED!!!

But of course like anything else there are steps to take….I’ll start by stating you need to, First proactively decide that you want to be happy, you’re not going to be a happy married person if you are not a happy single person.

So, Whether you’ve just been dumped, or you’ve decided to end your current relationship, there are a few things you need to remember to make the most out of being single.  Even if it wasn’t your choice to be back in the world of single living, the only thing you can really do is embrace it.  So here are some things you need to memorize and put into action in your life to enjoy and embrace being single

 

TIPS TO BEING SINGLE, HAPPY AND SATISFIED

woman happy

BE POSITIVE

There is nothing, absolutely nothing, worse than a single man or woman who is consumed with unhappiness.  Not everyone can be happy all of the time—it s impossible.  But when negativity takes over your life, there’s something wrong.

Stay positive about your single status.  It’s not going to last forever.  In fact, how long you stay single is mostly up to you.  If you’re wallowing in negative thoughts, you won’t have your eyes open when someone special comes around.

If you can’t seem to see the sunny side of life, no matter how hard you try, try a little harder.  If you still can’t embrace a little positivity, it might be time to talk to someone.

 

TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF

You have to take a little time to take care of yourself:  both physically and emotionally.  Remember to take care of your body.  Keep yourself in the best shape you can be in, buy yourself a new outfit or a pair of shoes, get a haircut, freshen yourself up— you’re single, take care of yourself and feel good.

On the emotional side of things, remember to exercise your mind and your emotions.  Read a book, something that makes you feel happy for me that would be a good movie…lol! You can also try keeping a journal to record how you feel on a day to day basis.  Try something new.

 

KEEP LIFE EXCITING

Don’t find yourself in a rut.  Keep the excitement flowing through your veins.  For some people, it’s as simple as walking home from work a different way.  For others, it’s going on an adventure:  rock-climbing (which I tried by the way and it’s totally awesome) you can go site seeing basically go for what excites you.

Singles, especially people who have recently joined the ranks of the single community, need to shake things up.  Try to get out there and experience new things in relation to the dating world:  That means you can go out on a couple of date nights with some friends. if you’ve never taken an arts and craft class, if you’ve never gone dancing…you get the point.  Get out there.  Make sure you have sparks in your life!

 

DON’T OBSESS

Life is about change.  Your life has recently changed, in a big way.  You are no longer someone’s other half (and maybe you never really were).  Things change; it’s life.  But don’t obsess about the change.

If you find yourself saying your ex-partner’s name every three words, or if you can see your friends begin to roll their eyes when you talk about what life was like before the break-up, then you’re probably obsessing.  If you keep comparing every one you meet to your old surpposed Mr. or Ms. Right, then you’re probably obsessing.

If you keep on obsessing, you won’t be ready when someone new comes along and you’ll probably drive your friends and family crazy in the process! Watch it!!!

 

HAVE FUN!

Being single is about having fun as much as it’s about complaining about being single and being insanely jealous of all the other couples you know.  Start up a singles night with your single friends where you do something exciting every week, even if it’s just switching to a new hang out spot.  Keep fun in your heart and you’ll enjoy your single days for how ever long they might happen to last!

 

LEARN HOW TO BE SINGLE

It can be tough to remember how to be single, especially if you’ve been coupled-up for a good long while.  Learning how to be single again can be tough, but if you follow a few simple rules to enjoying the single life, you’ll be smiling.  And then…eventually, you won’t be so single anymore.  But don’t be in a huge rush.  Being single can be tons of fun! take your time and enjoy it.

 

MYTHS OF BEING SINGLE

woman unsatisfied

Myth -Singleness equals loneliness. 

This is simply not the case. The only single people who claim to be lonely are those who choose to be lonely.  One of the reasons why singleness seems so scary is because of the term itself:  Single.  It has almost become a swear word in today’s society.  It creates the image of a lone person, going through life with no friends and no family. Is this what you think of when you hear the word “single?”.  “Being single” only means the lack of a marriage or dating partner.  To call yourself lonely when all you lack is one person in your life is irrational.  A lonely single is actually a selfish single because their focus is on themselves instead of on others.

   

Myth -A relationship will help me feel better about myself.

A relationship is not an insurance policy for happiness, satisfaction, or fulfillment.  A relationship will not magically solve or cover up your problems.  Forget about all the perfect-couple images painted by the media.  Relationships actually magnify existing problems and create new ones.  Part of being in a relationship is learning how to solve problems.  If you can’t solve problems on your own, you won’t be able to do so with someone else.

If you don’t feel good about yourself, then you need to work on that before seeking a relationship, as people generally don’t look for someone with low self-esteem.  One of the key points that I state here several times is that you must be happy with yourself first.  The purpose of entering into a relationship is to share yourself with another person; not to try to get from someone else what you feel lacks in yourself.  Relationships (romantic and other) can’t be all “take” – you have to give as well.  Expecting someone else to fill your voids usually results in disappointment, a sense of failure, and resentment.  The way you feel about yourself is apparent to others, and if you seek a relationship hoping that the other person will somehow improve you, you will actually end up driving that person away.  You have to be happy with yourself before you can expect to get along with others.  If you believe that you cannot be happy on your own, you will be less confident and more dependent on others for your happiness.

If you feel trapped by singleness and are looking for someone to rescue you, then you need to first work on becoming content as a single person and gaining more confidence in yourself.  Become successful as a single first before worrying about success in relationships.  If you’re not content with being single, then you probably won’t be content with a relationship either.  Don’t make your happiness dependent on whether you are in a relationship or not.  Life is too short to spend a majority of it feeling depressed over something within your control.  You already have the key to unlock the singleness trap.  You just have to choose to use it. You just have to decide to be happy….Abraham Lincoln said, “Most people are about as happy as they make up their mind to be.”

 

Myth – If I’m single and can’t find anyone, it means something is wrong with me, or that I’m a failure. 

Being single can be very unsettling and can certainly make people ask themselves, “Is there something wrong with me?”  The answer is a big NO. Every one of us has something wrong with them.  Nobody on this planet is perfect.

Failing at something does not make you a failure.  Regardless of how many times you have attempted and failed, it does not mean anything is wrong with you.  It simply means that there are changes that need to be made.  However, you should try to look at what you have done and make an effort to change what you know isn’t working.  Use this time to take an inventory of yourself and see if there are any personal areas you think you could improve in.

Myth -Being single is unacceptable and I must be in a committed relationship as soon as possible. 

You might think that committed relationships and marriage are the ideal lifestyle, but it’s not the only lifestyle.  If you believe that being single is unacceptable, then you will end up seeking relationships just because you want one, because “it’s the thing to do”, or because “everyone’s doing it.”  a young lady once said to me when i asked her why would she want to get get married and she said boldly to me “Because society expects it of me….” Wow! Now, that answer caught me of guard but if like this young lady, you want to jump into marriage because of what someone else thinks? I would say you need to learn to be your own person and do your thinking for yourself plus this often leads to unhealthy relationships, unnecessary stress, a worsened self-image, and emotional burnout.  You are your own person.  Your decisions should not be based on what everyone else is doing.  Remember the saying  “If everyone was jumping off a cliff, would you…”?

Bottom line:  Being single is not unacceptable by any means.  What’s unacceptable is seeking a relationship for the sole purpose of having one.  It’s also selfish.

 

Myth – Singleness is meant to be a “waiting period” for finding the right person. 

This may be true for some, but it’s not an across-the-board fact.  If this is made the main focus of singleness, it actually becomes overwhelming.  You may have heard the term “waiting for the ship to come in.”  That creates the fallacy that one day, you will find that special person and then your life will suddenly become meaningful.  The idea of “waiting” can give you the false impression that something is missing.  This can have a serious negative impact on your life.  You may put off certain plans and aspects of your life until you happen to meet someone.  As time goes on, you’ll realize that you have been wasting your life away.  It may get to the point where your only goal in life is to find someone, and you’ll find yourself feeling unmotivated to take care of other things.  Don’t put your life on hold just because you are single.  You are the only one that decides how you will live your life.  You can make the most of it, or you can let it waste away; it’s your choice.  None of us knows what is going to happen in the future, and if you are presently single, this is a time of opportunity for you.  Your singleness is what you make of it.  It can be a good experience if you want it to be.  So, instead of wasting time just waiting around for the “right one”, use your time as a single to get to know the person that is responsible for making you happy – that’s you.

 

Myth – Accepting singleness is giving up or admitting defeat. 

Accepting singleness is not a defeat; it’s a victory.  Despite the way it sounds, accepting singleness does not mean resigning the rest of your life to an unhappy state of being single.  Accepting singleness means that you have conquered your fears and anxieties about being single.  It shows that you do not buy into the myths and stereotypes about being single.  It is not easy to accept singleness and many people think they can’t do it, or will even refuse to do it.  When you accept singleness, you are declaring that you are strong enough to do life on your own, and that you don’t need another person for a crutch.  It shows that you are independent.  Accepting singleness means you can resist the constant feeling of needing to be a part of a couple, regardless of the influences around you.  You are making the most of this time in your life instead of wasting time in unnecessary despair.  Lastly, and most importantly, it means that you are happy with who you are. Which is a very important aspect to discovering yourself.

Myth – There are no advantages to being single. 

Okay! I know this might be a tired old cliché but,  the saying “every cloud has a silver lining” applies here.  Remember that there are two sides to being single.  As I mentioned earlier, it’s easy to focus exclusively on the negative aspects of being single.  This can lead us to the false notion that there are no advantages to being single.  The fact of the matter is that there are advantages to being single…..these advantages may include more freedom to do what you want, when you want and with whomever you want….so why don’t you write down all the advantages you can think of to being single. And whenever you start to feel down you can refer to this list.

 

I will wrap it all up by saying: singles please don’t  put your life on hold, go out there and get a life…….and, please quit idolizing the institution of marriage……..marriage is the right thing when you meet the right person that you want to wake with everyday.

 

woman shopping Just have a blast…….

We can’t allow the waiting waste our time just like we cant allow the wrong man /woman to waste our time, so you have to live life to the fullest because Christ said “I have come that you might have life and have it more abundantly (John 10v10) And he didn’t say have it more abundantly after you get married did he? he said have it more abundantly period!

So singles, go on that cruise now!

Buy that piece of jewelry now!

Buy that car now!

Buy that house now!

Handle your finances now!

Don’t wait! Particularly to my sisters, don’t wait for a prince charming to come along and rescue you. He might come with more baggage and maybe a tired old horse and a rusty armor (looooool!!!)

And, if we’re honest with ourselves, it’s the external pressures that become more unbearable than the internal pressure…right?

So singles while you’re waiting have a blast…… And ensure you serve those that are available to be served and love those that are available to be loved.

Single people are very significant. And don’t let anyone tell you different. I hope you become what you want to attract.

 

happy man

“For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to. Prosper you and not to harm, plans to give you HOPE and a future.” Jeremiah 29v11

“STAY SINGLE, HAPPY AND SATISFIED!!!”