Archive for the ‘love’ Tag

WHY YOU SHOULD SPEND TIME WITH YOURSELF   3 comments

 

WHY YOU SHOULD SPEND TIME WITH YOURSELF

me time

” Talk to yourself once in a day…. otherwise you may miss meeting n excellent person in the world.”

Swani Vivekananda

Why are people so incredibly against being alone? We all seem to be afraid of it. We make friends who usually aren’t worth having. We date people we shouldn’t be dating. We spend our time and money running away from being on our own.

Loneliness is not something to aim for, but being alone doesn’t necessarily mean being lonely. In fact, spending more time with ourselves, without being surrounded by people, and without virtually surrounding ourselves via all those social networking platforms, we can find solace in the company that matters most: the relationship we have with ourselves.

Here are some benefits of spending time alone:

1. Introduces You To A Simple Life

A simple life is a beautiful life. In this day and age, we often find ourselves overwhelmed with things we want to do, ought to do, need to do and are avoiding doing. We all have so much going on in our lives, but to what end? It’s as if we are all running some sort of race, a race with no real finish other than death. People are aiming for a happy life somewhere down the line when the point of life is being happy throughout the ride. #Food4Thought

2. Allows You To Keep Your Mind Clear

I’m sure I’m not the only person who finds myself mentally overwhelmed. Our minds are capable of storing massive amounts of information. However, you can’t simply collect information. You need to organize it. Our minds have a filing system that, in part, works on its own, but it requires slowing down and removing yourself from the constant flow of new information. You can’t process and file simultaneously. We don’t come equipped with dual processors…. In fact, looking at perception…. we are constantly interacting with others and constantly processing new information, it makes getting a grasp on reality rather tricky. It’s not so much that you don’t have a clear perception of your reality; it’s that you don’t take enough time to explore the reality you’ve created. Removing yourself from the world allows you to reacquaint yourself with the way you see the world

3. You Will Learn Things About Yourself That You Couldn’t Otherwise

By understanding the way you perceive the world, you gain insight into you as an individual. You will have more time to consciously roam around in your mind, to notice the way you think, notice the way your thoughts interact with the physical world, and notice how you judge both the outside world and yourself.

We think all the time, but it’s not often that we look at our thoughts from the outside looking in. We are more often than not caught up in thought, failing to differentiate our formulated thoughts from ourselves, the thinkers. Spend more time alone to develop the ability to differentiate yourself from all those thoughts flying about in your head. You two aren’t one in the same.

4. Relieves Anxiety

Because we don’t differentiate between ourselves and our thoughts, anxiety quickly builds. If we are overwhelmed by all the thoughts we’re having, not being able to slow them down because we feel they are a part of us, we begin to feel heavy and sluggish. If the thoughts are negative, they end up affecting us profoundly. Spending more time on your own will allow you the opportunity to set your mind straight and rid yourself of unnecessary negative thoughts, alleviating your anxiety.

 

treat urself

To truly love someone, we first have to explore what love is, and that means starting with the person you spend the most time with yourself!

5. Forces You To Become Less Dependent On Others

Most people don’t like being alone because they feel the need to be social, to interact with others. This is a part of human nature. However, the amount of social interaction we require to remain sane is nowhere near the amount most of us experience on a daily basis. Moreover, the amount necessary is much less than the amount we feel we need.

The fact is, most of us are dependent on others for our happiness. We use them as distractions. The question is…… distraction from what? From ourselves? Yea! But why do you feel the need to keep you away from you? #Food4Thought

6. Your Life Becomes More Efficient

We spend a lot of time in our lives, messing around. We do things for the sake of doing them. We “hang out.” We “chill.” We find ways of filling up our days in order not to have time to do nothing – because doing nothing is bad. But the fact is, you can’t do nothing; it’s physically impossible. You are a living thing and are always doing something.

More than that, you are a human being. Our minds aren’t capable of doing absolutely nothing. Try doing nothing and you’ll notice that you’re still doing something. Becoming comfortable with being alone removes a lot of excess waste from your life because you come to realize it as being useless.

7. Slow Down

Life isn’t a race. If it were, then you should be trying to avoid the finish line, not get there sooner. Taking the time to slow down and enjoy the little things ……. the air around you, the chair you are sitting in, the way your tongue feels pressed against your teeth ………. all these things will bring you greater joy than you ever thought possible. Being alive should be enough to make you happy. If it doesn’t, you need to slow down and remove yourself from distractions.

8. Remove Yourself From Unnecessary Information

Just 10 years ago, we weren’t exposed to nearly as much information as we are now. Looking back 50 years, the difference is colossal. Human beings are not yet used to being fed so much information; processing all this information can become difficult – mostly because the majority of it is useless to us. Humans developed their cognitive abilities as a means of surviving.

But knowing that Sarah is eating a cheeseburger via Instagram or that Justin Bieber may get deported via Twitter does not relate to our personal happiness. It’s all information that doesn’t make the least bit difference to our personal lives, to our well-being. Unplugging from this constant stream of information will be and is incredibly relieving.

9. You’ll Come To Accept That You’re Enough To Make Yourself Happy

The only way to achieve sustainable happiness is to be happy with the bare minimum. Why? Maintaining anything requires consistence and the only thing you can never lose and never have to worry about losing is you. You will always have you. You can lose everything else, but you can’t lose you. Learn to be happy with just yourself and everything else positive that comes your way will only be a very pleasant surprise…… personally I think the worst thing for anyone to lose would be their #Mind.

10. You’ll Save Money
It turns out that being alone is a lot cheaper than spending time with others. Alone, you can literally just sit or close your eyes and do close to nothing, just thinking and imagining. Now imagine trying to convince your friends to come over and do the same. Not going to happen. You’re going to have to spend money one way or another. Socializing always comes at a price, while being alone only costs you on occasion…. see? Spending time with yourself is also cost effective. Lol!!!

Say yes to u11. Allows You To Set Your Priorities Straight

Society convinces us that we want a lot of things we really don’t want. It’s the competitive nature of man that has us reaching for the stars when, in reality, the ground under our feet is more than enough. There’s nothing wrong with aiming high….. Of course I do that too….. but make sure that what you’re aiming for is something you actually want, not something you want because others want it as well…… Or what the media has brain washed you into wanting.

If you don’t really want something, but are aiming for it, anyway, you are only setting yourself up for disappointment. If you don’t get it, you’ll be disappointed with not getting it, and if you do get it, you’ll be disappointed that it wasn’t what you thought it’d be. Get your priorities straight and you’ll have less disappointment in your life.

12. Allows You To Stay More Focused

We aren’t meant to just be focusing on tasks. We are also meant to focus on ourselves. Very few living creatures are capable of understanding themselves as individuals — one of the most simply act without understanding that they exist. For whatever reason, our culture emphasizes constant action and little reflection. Spend some time focusing on yourself and your thoughts and less on actions. There’s no point of constantly going after achievements if you lose sight of who you are as a living being.

13. Makes You Accept That You’re Alone In This Life – And Makes You Okay With It

That sounded like a sad thought right? But, we are born alone and we die alone. What few come to realize is that the majority of our lives we actually spend alone. We spend a lot of our lives trying not to be alone, true, but in reality, we are alone the entire time. That’s okay. In fact, it’s wonderful. You are you and just you. You are unique. You are one of a kind. You don’t need anyone else to make you better because you are amazing just the way you are. You’re simply choosing to ignore that fact.

Spend more time with yourself and only yourself, and soon you will realize that as truth.

The most important relationship we can all have is the one you have with yourself, the most important journey you can take is one of self-discovery. To know yourself, you must spend time with yourself, you must not be afraid to be alone. Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom.

 

froggie” Talk to yourself like you would to someone you love.”

Brene Brown

 

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THE ART OF LISTENING   1 comment

THE ART OF LISTENING

It is the province of knowledge to speak. And it is the privilege of wisdom to listen.

Oliver Wendell Holmes

http://blogs.lt.vt.edu/ankitpathak04/files/2013/11/Dr-Alan-Zimmerman-Leadership-and-Listening.jpgHello friends forgive my absence I’ve had to deal with a lot lately; but am back and i would love to talk about “Listening” i tagged this write up “The Art Of Listening cos i truly believe listening is an art. let be start by stating that “Hearing”is different from “Listening”. Hearing is the process of perceiving sound produced by any sound source in the environment while listening is the process of deriving meaning from organized sounds. Listening is also more complicated and entailing than hearing. bottom line the difference between these two is “Attention”. Listening is a skill — one that is capable of being not only honed, but lost.  No wonder listening is an undervalued art. Research shows that we speak at a rate of about 125 words per minute, yet we have the capacity to listen to approximately 400 words per minute. So what are we doing with that extra space in our minds when someone else is talking? Are we really listening?

listening 2–To listen fully means to pay close attention to what is being said beneath the words. #ArtOfListening

Peter Senge

Listening is essential to fulfilling relationships. If you are experiencing challenging interactions or you want your connections to deepen, reflect on how you can improve your listening skills. Here are some benefits of truly listening:

  • People will feel be more drawn to you; they will like you more.
  • You will learn something new.
  • You will solve problems more effectively.
  • You will experience less loneliness and frustration.
  • You will feel happier and more relaxed.

Learn to listen well, and watch all your relationships thrive. Here’s how.

—The best way to understand people is to listen to them. #ArtOfListening — Ralph Nichols

1.      Pay attention
Since our brains have the capacity to process 275 more words per minute than are actually spoken, we tend to fill up the void with extraneous thoughts. Notice how when someone is speaking, you are partially listening, while simultaneously planning the rest of your day, replaying a meeting that just occurred, or deciding what you will say next. Paying attention is the cardinal rule for good listening. Hear the words, and let their meaning in. If your mind wanders, simply re-focus your attention on the conversation.

—We have to listen to each other, even when we don’t agree.

2.      Be receptive
If you show up with an agenda, you are not going to be available to fully hear what the other person is saying. There is no problem with having goals for an interaction, but let them go while the other person is speaking so you can hear what is being expressed. Balance your need for a given outcome with your desire to sustain a harmonious relationship.

—One who cares is one who listens.

3.      Check your understanding
Make sure you can repeat what you just heard, and if you can’t, ask for clarification. You might be surprised at how much you are missing. Most people are. When you think you’ve gotten it, you might say, “So what you are saying is….” to verify your understanding.

— Secret of success,lies in d ability to get the other person’s point of view & see things from his angle as well as yours #ArtOfListening

4.      Be an explorer
Explorers are open and curious. They are inquisitive, without knowing what they will find. So what to do with all of that excess brain power? Focus on the speaker. Notice body language, tone of voice, and rate of speaking. Then look beneath the words to see what feelings and needs are being communicated. You never know what you might find.

— The golden rule of friendship is to listen to others as you would have them listen to you. #ArtOfListening

5.      Show interest
If you find yourself bored and distracted, reconnect with the interaction. Maintain eye contact, uncross your arms, and ask questions that take the conversation deeper. Find out what really matters to the person you are speaking with.

— Eyes see only light, ears hear only sound, but a listening heart perceives meaning. #ArtOfListening

6.      Be patient
As much as you may be tempted, don’t speak over someone who is talking. When you feel the urge to step in, take a breath, let your agenda go, and continue to listen. If you need to move the conversation along, do so politely, as in, “Excuse me, I’m so sorry for interrupting, but ….” Likewise, be careful not to jump to conclusions or assume you know what hasn’t yet been said. These are all signs that your inner explorer has fallen asleep. Revitalize your experience by paying attention to what is happening in the moment.

— Listening is a sign of respect. It makes people feel valued. #ArtOfListening

7.      Get out of a rut
Have you ever had the same problematic conversation with someone over and over? Bring a fresh perspective to the relationship by redoubling your efforts to listen. Let go of your need to be right or your ideas about what the other person should be saying or doing, and hear them as if for the first time. This moves you from contraction and limit to possibility and potential simply by listening.

— One person who is truly understanding, and takes the trouble to listen to us,can change our whole outlook on the world. #ArtOfListening — Dr. E. H. Mayo

Effective listening develops empathy, which is the capacity for a deep understanding of another’s experience. And isn’t that what it takes for a relationship to thrive? It’s as simple as paying attention.

listening 1— We have two ears and one mouth, so we should listen more than we say. #ArtOfListening

Here are some suggestions for developing your listening skills:

  • Develop the desire to listen. You must accept the fact that listening to others is your strongest weapon. Given the opportunity, the other person will tell you everything you need to know. If this doesn’t create desire, I don’t know what will.
  • Always let the other person do most of the talking.This is a simple matter of mathematics. I suggest a 70/30 rule. You listen 70% of the time and you talk 30% of the time.
  • Don’t interrupt. There is always the temptation to interrupt so you can tell the other person something you think is vitally important. It isn’t, so don’t. When you are about to speak, ask yourself if it is really necessary.
  • Learn active listening. It’s not enough that you’re listening to someone – you want to be sure that they know you’re listening. Active listening is the art of communicating to the other person that you’re hearing their every word.
  • Ask for clarification if needed. This will clear up any misunderstanding you have.
  • Get used to ‘listening’ for nonverbal messages – body language. The other person may be communicating with you via body language. You need to decode the message.
  • Ask a question…then shut up. This is a foolproof way to listen. Think of yourself as an interviewer – Barbara Walters! She listens and questions – so should you.

A good listener tries to understand what is being said first; he/she may disagree, but at least he/she knows exactly what they are disagreeing with.#ArtOfListening

Tips For Asking Questions

Once you have learned how to keep yourself from speaking, the art of asking questions is the shortcut to effective listening. Here are some tips for asking questions:

  • Ask open-ended questions. Questions that can’t be answered with a simple yes or no. “How could we do this?” “What do you think?” Your objective is to get them to talk as much as possible.
  • Don’t ask questions that put them on the defensive. For example, “Why?” is intimidating. Don’t ask “why?” Ask “how come?”
  • Ask “What if?” What if we did it this way?
  • Ask for their advice. “What would you suggest we do to resolve this?” Everyone loves to be asked for advice.
  • Offer alternatives. “Which way would you prefer?” This demonstrates your respect for the other person.
  • Ask about their feelings. “How do you feel about this?” People love to have their feelings validated.
  • Repeat back what they said. “Let me be sure I understand what you’re saying. You’re saying that…?” This technique will prevent misunderstandings and convince them that you really are listening.

listening 3—Listening is an attitude of the heart, a genuine desire to be with another which both attracts and heals.

BETRAYAL   1 comment

 

betrayal 5

BETRAYAL

“When you betray someone else, you also betray yourself!!!”

The word itself – betrayal would look dark to most people because of its meaning. No one likes to be betrayed. In fact every security measure we see in the world today is to guard against betrayal. That is betrayal by neighbors, the government, by parents, by colleagues, by friends and one of the most popularly talked about – betrayal by a lover or spouse. One way or the other everyone has experienced this phenomenon, in fact some of you probably might have lost a big business deal, a huge amount of money, some property or the love and respect of a someone you cherished – because you got betrayed by someone.

betrayal 3“To stay angry is to be a victim……you need to move on …….because that’s the real victory!!!”

Anyway, if I were to ask now “…Is betrayal a good thing or a bad thing?” – I wonder what your response would be? Well if I had to guess I think almost everyone would say “… Of course, betrayal is a bad thing.” – Well! You wouldn’t be wrong if you said that. But, this word we’ve tagged bad can also be GOOD! “…Okay!!!! Hold it!” – Before you crucify me let me explain.

 

So, how can betrayal be a good thing? You ask…. This is how I see it. If at a certain point in time you were not betrayal you probably wouldn’t have been able to push past your comfort zone to get to the higher heights that you need to get to. To a lot of people betrayal was a much needed push factor. Please don’t reject this school of thought until you’ve given yourself time to ponder seriously on it. Now, think back on what made you take that first courageous move…. It might have been you starting your business alone when initially you didn’t think yourself up to the task, or you working so hard on developing yourself. Think real hard on what the starting point to building your self confidence was. Is it possible that you would realize that after going through that experience of hurt and betrayal you got yourself up and made that bold move into the next phases in your life? Don’t rush take your time.

betrayal 1

Human beings are generally creatures of comfort and it would take a lot to push us out of our comfort zone. We all seek earnestly to move up to the next level in life but most of us are not ready to give up that comfort zone for anything just yet. Well, getting out of your comfort zone is a requirement in the journey to the next level and for that to happen most times an external force is required to push us. Just like Sir Isaac Newton’s first law of motion states every object will remain at rest unless compelled to change its state by the action of an external force. In this case, betrayal is that external force. But, please I would like to state that not everyone will have to experience betrayal as a push factor; but for those who do I’d liKe you to see it (Betrayal) as a step to the next new level in your life.

betrayal 4STAY STRONG!!!!

 

YOUR WORDS HAVE POWER   3 comments

power of words 4

YOUR WORDS HAVE POWER

The mouth is a dangerous weapon, which can work for or against you, depending on how it is used. Your mouth is not meant for eating alone it is also an instrument for charting the course of your life.

Words truly do have power. Have you ever noticed the response or reaction you receive when you say certain things? That’s because the words we use affect the outcome of the situation. They enrich us or they can cut us to the bone as if we were cut with a knife.

Even though we communicate in many different ways, through a look or a touch, a smile, or even the way we stand, our words are even more important. They not only express our views on the subject we’re presenting, they also represent who we are as an individual.

 

Speaking comes to most people as naturally as breathing. On many occasions our words are uttered without conscious thought; in fact we rarely stop and think about what we are saying. Thousands of words pour out of our mouths each day as our thoughts, opinions, judgements and beliefs are freely expressed. Often, however, we are oblivious to the positive or negative effect these words have on ourselves and the people around us.

Words have tremendous power. Words give out energy and a message which creates a reaction in others. Everything you say produces an effect in the world. Whatever you say to someone else will produce some kind of an effect in that person. We are constantly creating something, either positive or negative with our words.

 

power of words 1“In the hands of a careful person words can work to do great good. But in d hands of a careless person,words can cause great harm.”

 

You should also note that, the reactions we get to our words often returns to us often in a multiplied form. If we’re angry our words can be forceful, rude, demeaning and hurtful. If we are happy our words can be joyful, happy, loving, and peaceful.That person’s response to the words we speak will be stronger because it will have the emotion created by the words attached to it. The power of words has a ripple effect in our life and those around us.

 

Recently I came across the work of Dr Emoto, and his studies on water crystals. He took samples of water, froze them and took photographs of the water crystals. He then wrote words on vials of water taken from the same source. The crystals formed in the vials which had positive words, such as love and gratitude, were beautiful. However the crystals in the vials with negative words such as hate and evil were very different and the water didn’t even form crystals in some instances. Experiments were done using words from different languages, and also by the scientists having no knowledge of what the words meant. The results were similar (see pictures below). The finding of this study on water crystals has had a profound impact on me. The human body is known to be composed of up to ninety percent water. If words had such a significant impact on water crystals, then what is the impact of positive and negative words to our bodies?

power of words 5 (Dr Emoto)“The sound of your voice and the things you say are more important than you know.”

 

When we speak we use words to describe things, our mind creates the picture. When we hear the words of a song we do the same thing. Those words can either build us up or tear us down. They help create positive self esteem or break down our self esteem. Words encourage us to be our best or they rip away our self worth and trust in our abilities to reach goals and life’s ambitions.

An important key to success in life is to understand the power of words. A word is a thought eternalized. Our thoughts do have a great effect on us even though they are internal. What we think effects the way we live our life, it effects our emotions, our attitudes and our behaviour. A thought spoken, however, has even more power. It can never be taken back; it is out of our mouth and will have an effect. Our words have even more power than our thoughts because they not only affect ourselves, but the people and the world around us.

Time To Change Your World

“You think being vulgar wit your words is cool, when in reality everyone loves a person who has encouraging or uplifting things to say.”

 

Successful people take control of their words, rather than letting their words control them. They are more conscious of their thoughts and words and the power they unleash. Successful people understand that they need to speak positively rather than negatively in order to see success. Successful people are characterized by the words that they speak. They know the importance of speaking words that will build self-esteem and confidence, build relationships and build possibilities. They speak words of affirmation, encouragement, love, acceptance and appreciation.

To see more personal success, the words that we speak need to be in alignment with what we want to see being produced in our life – our vision and our dreams. Your words can determine your destiny. Even more importantly, your words can make a positive difference on the people you interact with every day. Before you speak ask yourself: Is what I am about to say going to uplift the hearer? Will it inspire, motivate, and create forward momentum for them? Will it dissolve fear and create safety and trust? Will I create a positive or negative ripple effect by speaking out these words? Let‘s be determined to unleash the power of words for positive change.

It has been said that our eyes are windows to our soul and I believe that our words are also an indication of whom and what we are inside.

Words either give us hope or they bring despair. They are key to how we learn. From birth we are taught to communicate not only through touch, sight, and sound but through words.

Almost every emotion we feel as a human being is affected or created by the words we hear or say. Proverbs 13 verse 3 says that whoever guards his mouth preserves his life and he who opens his lips wide comes to ruin. So even in silence our words are powerful.

The very words we utter every day create the world we live in. They have THE to power to crush countries and the power to build nations anew.

Just for one day think about the words you use, think about the effect they have on you and the people around you. Use positive words instead of negative and see if the results you receive are different. I can bet you will be amazed.

power of words 2“By your choice of words you can influence others in positive ways and as a result achieve peace and prosperity in your life.”

SINGLE, HAPPY AND SATISFIED   9 comments

SINGLE, HAPPY AND SATISFIED

How can you be single and be satisfied?

woman satisfied

      Breakups are hard on everyone — but after the initial pain and sorrow passes you will find that flying solo isn’t that bad. In fact it can be downright fun….shocked? I felt the same way until I started experiencing it myself, so am here to tell you that it is possible to be SINGLE, HAPPY AND SATISFIED!!!

But of course like anything else there are steps to take….I’ll start by stating you need to, First proactively decide that you want to be happy, you’re not going to be a happy married person if you are not a happy single person.

So, Whether you’ve just been dumped, or you’ve decided to end your current relationship, there are a few things you need to remember to make the most out of being single.  Even if it wasn’t your choice to be back in the world of single living, the only thing you can really do is embrace it.  So here are some things you need to memorize and put into action in your life to enjoy and embrace being single

 

TIPS TO BEING SINGLE, HAPPY AND SATISFIED

woman happy

BE POSITIVE

There is nothing, absolutely nothing, worse than a single man or woman who is consumed with unhappiness.  Not everyone can be happy all of the time—it s impossible.  But when negativity takes over your life, there’s something wrong.

Stay positive about your single status.  It’s not going to last forever.  In fact, how long you stay single is mostly up to you.  If you’re wallowing in negative thoughts, you won’t have your eyes open when someone special comes around.

If you can’t seem to see the sunny side of life, no matter how hard you try, try a little harder.  If you still can’t embrace a little positivity, it might be time to talk to someone.

 

TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF

You have to take a little time to take care of yourself:  both physically and emotionally.  Remember to take care of your body.  Keep yourself in the best shape you can be in, buy yourself a new outfit or a pair of shoes, get a haircut, freshen yourself up— you’re single, take care of yourself and feel good.

On the emotional side of things, remember to exercise your mind and your emotions.  Read a book, something that makes you feel happy for me that would be a good movie…lol! You can also try keeping a journal to record how you feel on a day to day basis.  Try something new.

 

KEEP LIFE EXCITING

Don’t find yourself in a rut.  Keep the excitement flowing through your veins.  For some people, it’s as simple as walking home from work a different way.  For others, it’s going on an adventure:  rock-climbing (which I tried by the way and it’s totally awesome) you can go site seeing basically go for what excites you.

Singles, especially people who have recently joined the ranks of the single community, need to shake things up.  Try to get out there and experience new things in relation to the dating world:  That means you can go out on a couple of date nights with some friends. if you’ve never taken an arts and craft class, if you’ve never gone dancing…you get the point.  Get out there.  Make sure you have sparks in your life!

 

DON’T OBSESS

Life is about change.  Your life has recently changed, in a big way.  You are no longer someone’s other half (and maybe you never really were).  Things change; it’s life.  But don’t obsess about the change.

If you find yourself saying your ex-partner’s name every three words, or if you can see your friends begin to roll their eyes when you talk about what life was like before the break-up, then you’re probably obsessing.  If you keep comparing every one you meet to your old surpposed Mr. or Ms. Right, then you’re probably obsessing.

If you keep on obsessing, you won’t be ready when someone new comes along and you’ll probably drive your friends and family crazy in the process! Watch it!!!

 

HAVE FUN!

Being single is about having fun as much as it’s about complaining about being single and being insanely jealous of all the other couples you know.  Start up a singles night with your single friends where you do something exciting every week, even if it’s just switching to a new hang out spot.  Keep fun in your heart and you’ll enjoy your single days for how ever long they might happen to last!

 

LEARN HOW TO BE SINGLE

It can be tough to remember how to be single, especially if you’ve been coupled-up for a good long while.  Learning how to be single again can be tough, but if you follow a few simple rules to enjoying the single life, you’ll be smiling.  And then…eventually, you won’t be so single anymore.  But don’t be in a huge rush.  Being single can be tons of fun! take your time and enjoy it.

 

MYTHS OF BEING SINGLE

woman unsatisfied

Myth -Singleness equals loneliness. 

This is simply not the case. The only single people who claim to be lonely are those who choose to be lonely.  One of the reasons why singleness seems so scary is because of the term itself:  Single.  It has almost become a swear word in today’s society.  It creates the image of a lone person, going through life with no friends and no family. Is this what you think of when you hear the word “single?”.  “Being single” only means the lack of a marriage or dating partner.  To call yourself lonely when all you lack is one person in your life is irrational.  A lonely single is actually a selfish single because their focus is on themselves instead of on others.

   

Myth -A relationship will help me feel better about myself.

A relationship is not an insurance policy for happiness, satisfaction, or fulfillment.  A relationship will not magically solve or cover up your problems.  Forget about all the perfect-couple images painted by the media.  Relationships actually magnify existing problems and create new ones.  Part of being in a relationship is learning how to solve problems.  If you can’t solve problems on your own, you won’t be able to do so with someone else.

If you don’t feel good about yourself, then you need to work on that before seeking a relationship, as people generally don’t look for someone with low self-esteem.  One of the key points that I state here several times is that you must be happy with yourself first.  The purpose of entering into a relationship is to share yourself with another person; not to try to get from someone else what you feel lacks in yourself.  Relationships (romantic and other) can’t be all “take” – you have to give as well.  Expecting someone else to fill your voids usually results in disappointment, a sense of failure, and resentment.  The way you feel about yourself is apparent to others, and if you seek a relationship hoping that the other person will somehow improve you, you will actually end up driving that person away.  You have to be happy with yourself before you can expect to get along with others.  If you believe that you cannot be happy on your own, you will be less confident and more dependent on others for your happiness.

If you feel trapped by singleness and are looking for someone to rescue you, then you need to first work on becoming content as a single person and gaining more confidence in yourself.  Become successful as a single first before worrying about success in relationships.  If you’re not content with being single, then you probably won’t be content with a relationship either.  Don’t make your happiness dependent on whether you are in a relationship or not.  Life is too short to spend a majority of it feeling depressed over something within your control.  You already have the key to unlock the singleness trap.  You just have to choose to use it. You just have to decide to be happy….Abraham Lincoln said, “Most people are about as happy as they make up their mind to be.”

 

Myth – If I’m single and can’t find anyone, it means something is wrong with me, or that I’m a failure. 

Being single can be very unsettling and can certainly make people ask themselves, “Is there something wrong with me?”  The answer is a big NO. Every one of us has something wrong with them.  Nobody on this planet is perfect.

Failing at something does not make you a failure.  Regardless of how many times you have attempted and failed, it does not mean anything is wrong with you.  It simply means that there are changes that need to be made.  However, you should try to look at what you have done and make an effort to change what you know isn’t working.  Use this time to take an inventory of yourself and see if there are any personal areas you think you could improve in.

Myth -Being single is unacceptable and I must be in a committed relationship as soon as possible. 

You might think that committed relationships and marriage are the ideal lifestyle, but it’s not the only lifestyle.  If you believe that being single is unacceptable, then you will end up seeking relationships just because you want one, because “it’s the thing to do”, or because “everyone’s doing it.”  a young lady once said to me when i asked her why would she want to get get married and she said boldly to me “Because society expects it of me….” Wow! Now, that answer caught me of guard but if like this young lady, you want to jump into marriage because of what someone else thinks? I would say you need to learn to be your own person and do your thinking for yourself plus this often leads to unhealthy relationships, unnecessary stress, a worsened self-image, and emotional burnout.  You are your own person.  Your decisions should not be based on what everyone else is doing.  Remember the saying  “If everyone was jumping off a cliff, would you…”?

Bottom line:  Being single is not unacceptable by any means.  What’s unacceptable is seeking a relationship for the sole purpose of having one.  It’s also selfish.

 

Myth – Singleness is meant to be a “waiting period” for finding the right person. 

This may be true for some, but it’s not an across-the-board fact.  If this is made the main focus of singleness, it actually becomes overwhelming.  You may have heard the term “waiting for the ship to come in.”  That creates the fallacy that one day, you will find that special person and then your life will suddenly become meaningful.  The idea of “waiting” can give you the false impression that something is missing.  This can have a serious negative impact on your life.  You may put off certain plans and aspects of your life until you happen to meet someone.  As time goes on, you’ll realize that you have been wasting your life away.  It may get to the point where your only goal in life is to find someone, and you’ll find yourself feeling unmotivated to take care of other things.  Don’t put your life on hold just because you are single.  You are the only one that decides how you will live your life.  You can make the most of it, or you can let it waste away; it’s your choice.  None of us knows what is going to happen in the future, and if you are presently single, this is a time of opportunity for you.  Your singleness is what you make of it.  It can be a good experience if you want it to be.  So, instead of wasting time just waiting around for the “right one”, use your time as a single to get to know the person that is responsible for making you happy – that’s you.

 

Myth – Accepting singleness is giving up or admitting defeat. 

Accepting singleness is not a defeat; it’s a victory.  Despite the way it sounds, accepting singleness does not mean resigning the rest of your life to an unhappy state of being single.  Accepting singleness means that you have conquered your fears and anxieties about being single.  It shows that you do not buy into the myths and stereotypes about being single.  It is not easy to accept singleness and many people think they can’t do it, or will even refuse to do it.  When you accept singleness, you are declaring that you are strong enough to do life on your own, and that you don’t need another person for a crutch.  It shows that you are independent.  Accepting singleness means you can resist the constant feeling of needing to be a part of a couple, regardless of the influences around you.  You are making the most of this time in your life instead of wasting time in unnecessary despair.  Lastly, and most importantly, it means that you are happy with who you are. Which is a very important aspect to discovering yourself.

Myth – There are no advantages to being single. 

Okay! I know this might be a tired old cliché but,  the saying “every cloud has a silver lining” applies here.  Remember that there are two sides to being single.  As I mentioned earlier, it’s easy to focus exclusively on the negative aspects of being single.  This can lead us to the false notion that there are no advantages to being single.  The fact of the matter is that there are advantages to being single…..these advantages may include more freedom to do what you want, when you want and with whomever you want….so why don’t you write down all the advantages you can think of to being single. And whenever you start to feel down you can refer to this list.

 

I will wrap it all up by saying: singles please don’t  put your life on hold, go out there and get a life…….and, please quit idolizing the institution of marriage……..marriage is the right thing when you meet the right person that you want to wake with everyday.

 

woman shopping Just have a blast…….

We can’t allow the waiting waste our time just like we cant allow the wrong man /woman to waste our time, so you have to live life to the fullest because Christ said “I have come that you might have life and have it more abundantly (John 10v10) And he didn’t say have it more abundantly after you get married did he? he said have it more abundantly period!

So singles, go on that cruise now!

Buy that piece of jewelry now!

Buy that car now!

Buy that house now!

Handle your finances now!

Don’t wait! Particularly to my sisters, don’t wait for a prince charming to come along and rescue you. He might come with more baggage and maybe a tired old horse and a rusty armor (looooool!!!)

And, if we’re honest with ourselves, it’s the external pressures that become more unbearable than the internal pressure…right?

So singles while you’re waiting have a blast…… And ensure you serve those that are available to be served and love those that are available to be loved.

Single people are very significant. And don’t let anyone tell you different. I hope you become what you want to attract.

 

happy man

“For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to. Prosper you and not to harm, plans to give you HOPE and a future.” Jeremiah 29v11

“STAY SINGLE, HAPPY AND SATISFIED!!!”

THE GIFT OF CHRISTMAS   2 comments

 

d gift of xmas

 

THE GIFT OF CHRISTMAS

The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree: the presence of a happy family all wrapped up in each other.
– Burton Hillis

 

 

Ok so its Christmas and everyone is busy shopping and all, but the most interesting part of shopping are the gifts people are expecting this season…..so I thought to take a minute to talk on the gift of Christmas Now we know that Christmas is the yearly celebration of the birth of Jesus, but it is truly a gift that we must experience each day. I share with you and all my readers the following thoughts — based on a meditation by an anonymous author — which enlighten us during the busy holiday season and sums up the true meaning of what we hope to celebrate as people of faith.

the gift of hope

“The joy of brightening other lives, bearing each others’ burdens, easing other’s loads and supplanting empty hearts and lives with generous gifts becomes for us the magic of Christmas.” 
WC Jones

Christmas is a present, not a past.

Christmas should not be just a historical date to remember, but a gift to be lived.

When you decide to love those around you, that day is Christmas.

When you take the first step to be at peace with a loved one, that day is Christmas.

When you meet someone who asks for help and you assist them with all your heart, that day is Christmas.

 

If there is no joyous way to give a festive gift, give love away

 

SANTA'S GIFT SHARING

When you take time to talk to someone who is lonely and sad, that day is Christmas.

When you understand that resentment can be transformed by forgiveness, that day is Christmas.

When you let go of something to give to someone who needs it more than you, that day is Christmas.

When you realize that love, service and authentic concern are the best gifts, that day is Christmas.

When you decide to live with joy and hope rather than surrender to fear and sadness, that day is Christmas.

 

Christmas is something that was born in the heart of God — who motivated by pure love — sent his son Jesus to save us. Yet, Christmas comes alive this season when we allow its true significance to be born in our hearts. May the beautiful holiday lights, parties, shopping and the exhausting rush of these days not distract us from the true meaning of what Christmas really is — and can be.

 

Oh! By the way the secret to finding the MAGIC of Christmas is to experience Christmas from the eyes of a child!!!

d magic of xmas

Our hearts grow tender with childhood memories and love of kindred, and we are better throughout the year for having, in spirit, become a child again at Christmas-time.
~Laura Ingalls Wilder

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO YOU ALL… Muuah!!!!

 

IMPROVING YOUR SELF WORTH   3 comments

 

 

IMPROVING YOUR SELF WORTH

I recently discovered that I don’t put enough value on my self, so many people are this category with me and call it all sort of names one of the most popular name given to this is humility…well news flash it is not humility to sell yourself short. Why should he treat you the way it suits him regardless of how you feel or why should you allow her into your mind where she easily manipulates you. Work on your self worth, because you know you can be the most beautiful/ handsome person in the world and everybody sees you as great, but if you don’t know it for yourself all of that doesn’t matter. Every second that you spend doubting your worth, is a moment of your life thrown away. You have forever so don’t throw even one of your moments away. The great Malcolm X once said “We cannot think of being acceptable to others until we have first proven acceptable to ourselves.”

Self worth comes from within; you wont find it by having more money, having more friends, having a fancy car or a big house. it is something intrinsic and something we can’t gain extrinsically, meaning we won’t find self worth from external factors.

Your self worth is a function of how you value yourself. To build your self worth you must first discover your values and then make up your own definition of success. Your values are nothing more than what you value in life. You probably already know that society places excessive value on the outward appearances of success, such as money, material possessions, physical appearance, marital status, career and so on. In contrast, little consideration is ever given to the loftier values of a person, such as love, integrity, kindness, emotional intelligence, forgiveness and inner balance, when defining one’s success. This means that we have a warped definition of success based largely on outward appearances, which really results in a warped sense of self worth. Well lets take a look at a few tips I recently discovered to help improve our self worth:

 

Discover How You Value Yourself

 

You are likely to find that specific outward appearances automatically trigger a need within you to compare yourself to others, whether it is how much money someone else has or is making, how physically attractive they are, their relationship status or what material possessions they own and so on. Dig a little deeper and you will find that you have unconsciously placed an undue value on these outward appearances and are using them to determine your own self worth. In other words, how much money you have, how attractive you are and so on, have become the determining function of your self worth, and usually in isolation of all your other qualities and achievements. Such specific comparisons leave you temporarily feeling either better or worse about yourself, depending on where you ranked yourself on society’s scale of success.

 

Understand the power of your attitude toward yourself and views about yourself

 

 

How you perceive yourself, how you talk about yourself, and how you represent yourself eventually become the reality for you. And if it happens that you’re putting yourself down, belittling your worth, and making light of your talents in the face of others, then you will come across as self-destroying, low in self-esteem, and almost a part of the wallpaper. This isn’t humility, its self-denial and an attempt to lessen your presence. On the other hand, if you exaggerate your qualities, talents, and skills, you’ll come across as egotistical and arrogant but oddly enough; this is not about over-estimating your self-worth but about deceiving yourself through insecurity. There is a middle pathway and it is the one where you recognize and celebrate yourself. Celebrate the fact that you are a valuable person, equal to everyone else, and that your talents and thoughts are unique and worthy. Now, getting to this belief can be difficult if you have spent years underestimating your self worth but it is always possible to change your thoughts and to learn to value yourself. Like I said “hard” but not impossible

Learn to love yourself

 

 

 

 

Self-love is often equated with self-absorption, Vanity, and egotism. This is probably partly because the English language has a hard time dealing with the word “love” – it has to cover a lot of territory for the many different types of love out there. It is also caught up in the confusion people feel about the messaging to do good unto others, to always be charitable, and to give, give, give, of oneself. While these are noble intentions, they can often be taken out of proportion and used to downplay putting one’s own needs and wants beneath those of others out of a fear of being perceived as selfish or inward-looking. Again, this is about getting the balance right. Avoid superimposing how you think other people see you; how does it help you to surrender to their idea of you? Only you can give yourself the esteem boost needed. Learn to treat yourself with care, compassion, and lastly respect

 

Learn to self Analyze

Unfortunately we live in a time where we are very fond of going to see someone else to analyze us. Unless you’ve got a serious disorder, you do not need analysis by someone else. You need to analysis yourself so that you can clearly recognize where you’re underestimating yourself and short-changing yourself. Here are some questions for your self-analysis:

  • What experience have I had? How has this experience informed my growth?
  • What are my talents? List at least five.
  • What are my skills? Remember that talents are innate; skills need to be worked on to perfect them.
  • What are my strengths? Stop focusing on your weaknesses; you’ve probably done that long enough. Start looking at what your strengths are and start thinking about how you can make the most of them in the things you choose to do.
  • What do I want to be doing with my life? Am I doing it? If not, why not?
  • Am I happy with my health? If not, why not? And what can I do to move into wellness instead of living in sickness?
  • What makes me feel fulfilled? Am I working on that or am I busy working on other people’s fulfillment?

Don Not Base Your Self-worth on Other People

 

 

 

Once you try to live up to an image of what you think others want to you to be, you lose self-worth. Instead, you are following a scope set by other people’s expectations, whether or not those expectations are clearly defined or implied. Unfortunately, many people live this way, including making such choices as studies, career, where to live, and how many children to have, all based on expectations from parents, spouses, friends, and the media, and mostly because they are afraid of standing up for their own believes and preferences. You should instead be on the look out for people with healthy self-worth willing to share their insights and learning with you, people willing to guide you around life’s many traps. Look for those people to mentor you rather than being misguided by the unhappy people and allowing their negative words have a hold on you. Break the habit of trying to please everyone all of the time. That is impossible and even being a people pleaser will displease some people, particularly those with a high sense of self-worth who would cringe at your people pleasing behavior.

Learn to Value your time

Alongside undervaluing yourself because of the job you have or the earnings you make is that of how you spend your time. Stop neglecting parts of your life and consuming yourself with every other thing but your “You” time, things like spending pleasing family members, trying to please your boss or your colleagues. If you are stressed out, feeling undervalued, and you’re inadequately compensated, your balance of time has become skewed and has depleted your self-worth. Eventually this will lead to one of more of the following: being sick, being edgy and exploding. Evaluate the balance between the time you give away to others and how that time needs to spent on your own life. Could you be spending more time with your family and/or friends? If the answer to that is yes, then realize that your wealth resides in keeping that time for you and those you love, and reducing the amount of time you give away to others. It doesn’t mean that you have to give up helping out completely, but you do need to put community service or commitments to helping others into perspective.

Know That You Matter

 

 

 

Realistic self pep-talks are great and affirming your self-worth openly to yourself can be a very good way to start changing the internal negative junk that you might have developed over time. Take out time during the day to remind yourself that you’re a great person. Tell yourself you’re special, wonderful, lovable, and loved. Now, you need to note that affirmative talk is not the sole solution but it is part of a range of methods for boosting yourself and for taking out time to acknowledge that you do matter, as much as every person around you if not more

 

To wrap this up I would say if you must compete please compete with yourself and not with others plus learn how to live in the present I often say “Don’t live in the past unless you like to live in guilt and don’t live in the future unless you like to live in fear….Just focus on NOW!!!