Archive for the ‘mental-health’ Tag

Signs Fear is Slowly Breaking You Down   2 comments

fearSigns Fear is Slowly Breaking You Down

So many of us these days are riddled with fear.  It’s running the show in our lives, and taking the wheel in most of our decision-making.  But the funny thing is, most people don’t even know it.  This is partly because, in our culture, we tend to dress up “fear” in the more socially acceptable clothes of “stress.”  And stress … well, goodness… stress is practically a badge of success in our culture of busyness.

We’ve been taught to think that fear is for losers.  We see it as a weakness – something we should hide from others and deal with it alone behind closed doors.  But fear shouldn’t remain hidden or elicit shame.  Now more than ever, our fears need to shamelessly take center stage so we can let fear illuminate everything that is in need of healing in our lives, so we can finally be free.

But fear is tricky, and it shows up in all kinds of disguises.  And until you see it for what it is, it’s impossible to interact properly with fear.

How can you tell if fear is stifling your life and slowly breaking you down? Here are a few thoughts.

1. You find yourself striving in vain for an impossible-to-achieve standard of perfection.

progress not perfectionWhen you’re afraid (of criticism, failure and rejection), you’ll kill yourself trying to be perfect.  Of course, the mask of perfection also separates you from what you most want: real intimacy, to be known, loved, and accepted for your true self.

2. You settle.

When you’re afraid to take risks and go for what you really want, you convince yourself that your less-than-juicy life – your relationships, your job, the dismal state of your thinking – is as good as it gets.  When fear runs the show, you forget how to dream and stretch your comfort zone.  You compromise in the name of being “realistic.”  But settling isn’t realism; it’s a devastating symptom of the fear that what you hope is possible really isn’t.

3. You say yes when you mean no.

When you’re afraid to disappoint people or get rejected if you don’t say yes, you’ll fall into fear-based, people-pleasing, self-sacrificing behaviors that lead to unhappiness and resentment.  But when fear is no longer weighing you down, you say no when it feels self-loving.  As they say, “No” is a complete sentence.  There doesn’t need to be an explanation everyone agrees with.  This doesn’t mean you won’t devote yourself to generosity and service.  It means the service stems from a genuine love-based, rather than a fear-based, motivation.

4. You say no when you mean yes.

When you’re afraid, you’re unlikely to take any risks at all.  You’ll feel the longing to start your own business, go out with your dream date, take that bucket list trip, start a family, or take an educational class.  But you’ll say no because you’re afraid to fail, afraid to succeed, afraid to get rejected, afraid to stir things up, afraid to get out of your comfort zone.

When you face fear rather than running from it, you’ll start letting your soul take the lead, taking leaps of faith and saying yes when you really want to.

5. You numb yourself with alcohol, drugs, TV, sex or unnecessary busyness.

Fear causes inner pain, a soul sickness that can show up as depression, anxiety, helplessness, hopelessness, frustration, sadness, loneliness and exhaustion.  In order to avoid this inner pain, you engage in addictions and other numbing behaviors.  This only puts a temporary Band-Aid on the pain, while increasing feelings of low self-esteem that just escalate the inner agony.

When you’re not afraid to be quiet with yourself, to face your inner demons, to heal from the core, you’ll no longer need excessive amounts of alcohol, cigarettes, junk food, painkillers, or other numbing distractions.  You’ll have the courage to do the transformative work that leads you to freedom and life-saving solutions.

free yourself

6.  You get sick (often).

Fear isn’t just an uncomfortable emotion that holds you back from following your dreams.  It also triggers physical stress responses in your body that put you at risk of disease and make it hard for you to physically heal yourself.  Fearful people are more likely to have heart attacks, cancer, diabetes, autoimmune disorders, inflammatory illnesses, chronic pain and even the common cold.  They’re also more likely to experience milder physical ailments, such as insomnia, obesity, low energy, headaches, body aches, and decreased libido.

#FearNot!

This isn’t meant to frighten you.  It’s meant to wake you up, give you hope, and inspire you to embark upon the journey of transformation from fear to freedom.

fear end

#FoodForThought

 

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IMPROVING YOUR SELF WORTH   3 comments

 

 

IMPROVING YOUR SELF WORTH

I recently discovered that I don’t put enough value on my self, so many people are this category with me and call it all sort of names one of the most popular name given to this is humility…well news flash it is not humility to sell yourself short. Why should he treat you the way it suits him regardless of how you feel or why should you allow her into your mind where she easily manipulates you. Work on your self worth, because you know you can be the most beautiful/ handsome person in the world and everybody sees you as great, but if you don’t know it for yourself all of that doesn’t matter. Every second that you spend doubting your worth, is a moment of your life thrown away. You have forever so don’t throw even one of your moments away. The great Malcolm X once said “We cannot think of being acceptable to others until we have first proven acceptable to ourselves.”

Self worth comes from within; you wont find it by having more money, having more friends, having a fancy car or a big house. it is something intrinsic and something we can’t gain extrinsically, meaning we won’t find self worth from external factors.

Your self worth is a function of how you value yourself. To build your self worth you must first discover your values and then make up your own definition of success. Your values are nothing more than what you value in life. You probably already know that society places excessive value on the outward appearances of success, such as money, material possessions, physical appearance, marital status, career and so on. In contrast, little consideration is ever given to the loftier values of a person, such as love, integrity, kindness, emotional intelligence, forgiveness and inner balance, when defining one’s success. This means that we have a warped definition of success based largely on outward appearances, which really results in a warped sense of self worth. Well lets take a look at a few tips I recently discovered to help improve our self worth:

 

Discover How You Value Yourself

 

You are likely to find that specific outward appearances automatically trigger a need within you to compare yourself to others, whether it is how much money someone else has or is making, how physically attractive they are, their relationship status or what material possessions they own and so on. Dig a little deeper and you will find that you have unconsciously placed an undue value on these outward appearances and are using them to determine your own self worth. In other words, how much money you have, how attractive you are and so on, have become the determining function of your self worth, and usually in isolation of all your other qualities and achievements. Such specific comparisons leave you temporarily feeling either better or worse about yourself, depending on where you ranked yourself on society’s scale of success.

 

Understand the power of your attitude toward yourself and views about yourself

 

 

How you perceive yourself, how you talk about yourself, and how you represent yourself eventually become the reality for you. And if it happens that you’re putting yourself down, belittling your worth, and making light of your talents in the face of others, then you will come across as self-destroying, low in self-esteem, and almost a part of the wallpaper. This isn’t humility, its self-denial and an attempt to lessen your presence. On the other hand, if you exaggerate your qualities, talents, and skills, you’ll come across as egotistical and arrogant but oddly enough; this is not about over-estimating your self-worth but about deceiving yourself through insecurity. There is a middle pathway and it is the one where you recognize and celebrate yourself. Celebrate the fact that you are a valuable person, equal to everyone else, and that your talents and thoughts are unique and worthy. Now, getting to this belief can be difficult if you have spent years underestimating your self worth but it is always possible to change your thoughts and to learn to value yourself. Like I said “hard” but not impossible

Learn to love yourself

 

 

 

 

Self-love is often equated with self-absorption, Vanity, and egotism. This is probably partly because the English language has a hard time dealing with the word “love” – it has to cover a lot of territory for the many different types of love out there. It is also caught up in the confusion people feel about the messaging to do good unto others, to always be charitable, and to give, give, give, of oneself. While these are noble intentions, they can often be taken out of proportion and used to downplay putting one’s own needs and wants beneath those of others out of a fear of being perceived as selfish or inward-looking. Again, this is about getting the balance right. Avoid superimposing how you think other people see you; how does it help you to surrender to their idea of you? Only you can give yourself the esteem boost needed. Learn to treat yourself with care, compassion, and lastly respect

 

Learn to self Analyze

Unfortunately we live in a time where we are very fond of going to see someone else to analyze us. Unless you’ve got a serious disorder, you do not need analysis by someone else. You need to analysis yourself so that you can clearly recognize where you’re underestimating yourself and short-changing yourself. Here are some questions for your self-analysis:

  • What experience have I had? How has this experience informed my growth?
  • What are my talents? List at least five.
  • What are my skills? Remember that talents are innate; skills need to be worked on to perfect them.
  • What are my strengths? Stop focusing on your weaknesses; you’ve probably done that long enough. Start looking at what your strengths are and start thinking about how you can make the most of them in the things you choose to do.
  • What do I want to be doing with my life? Am I doing it? If not, why not?
  • Am I happy with my health? If not, why not? And what can I do to move into wellness instead of living in sickness?
  • What makes me feel fulfilled? Am I working on that or am I busy working on other people’s fulfillment?

Don Not Base Your Self-worth on Other People

 

 

 

Once you try to live up to an image of what you think others want to you to be, you lose self-worth. Instead, you are following a scope set by other people’s expectations, whether or not those expectations are clearly defined or implied. Unfortunately, many people live this way, including making such choices as studies, career, where to live, and how many children to have, all based on expectations from parents, spouses, friends, and the media, and mostly because they are afraid of standing up for their own believes and preferences. You should instead be on the look out for people with healthy self-worth willing to share their insights and learning with you, people willing to guide you around life’s many traps. Look for those people to mentor you rather than being misguided by the unhappy people and allowing their negative words have a hold on you. Break the habit of trying to please everyone all of the time. That is impossible and even being a people pleaser will displease some people, particularly those with a high sense of self-worth who would cringe at your people pleasing behavior.

Learn to Value your time

Alongside undervaluing yourself because of the job you have or the earnings you make is that of how you spend your time. Stop neglecting parts of your life and consuming yourself with every other thing but your “You” time, things like spending pleasing family members, trying to please your boss or your colleagues. If you are stressed out, feeling undervalued, and you’re inadequately compensated, your balance of time has become skewed and has depleted your self-worth. Eventually this will lead to one of more of the following: being sick, being edgy and exploding. Evaluate the balance between the time you give away to others and how that time needs to spent on your own life. Could you be spending more time with your family and/or friends? If the answer to that is yes, then realize that your wealth resides in keeping that time for you and those you love, and reducing the amount of time you give away to others. It doesn’t mean that you have to give up helping out completely, but you do need to put community service or commitments to helping others into perspective.

Know That You Matter

 

 

 

Realistic self pep-talks are great and affirming your self-worth openly to yourself can be a very good way to start changing the internal negative junk that you might have developed over time. Take out time during the day to remind yourself that you’re a great person. Tell yourself you’re special, wonderful, lovable, and loved. Now, you need to note that affirmative talk is not the sole solution but it is part of a range of methods for boosting yourself and for taking out time to acknowledge that you do matter, as much as every person around you if not more

 

To wrap this up I would say if you must compete please compete with yourself and not with others plus learn how to live in the present I often say “Don’t live in the past unless you like to live in guilt and don’t live in the future unless you like to live in fear….Just focus on NOW!!!

WHY DO YOU SMILE?   1 comment

WHY DO YOU SMILE?

You know there are some things we do without knowing why, we just accept it as a norm cause everyone else is doing it….. I was asked by a lil girl quite recently “why do we smile???” I was about to answer simply “Because its good!” but then I thought there are so many things that feel good that should not be done so that answer on its own would definitely not suffice. Thus the beginning of my quest WHY DO WE SMILE and WHY SHOULD WE SMILE??? Well, I think Mother Teresa said it all when she said “ Every time you smile at someone, it is an action of love, a gift to that person, a beautiful thing.”

 

Smiling is a great way to make yourself stand out while helping your body to function better. Learn to Smile to improve your health, your stress level, and your attractiveness. So, here are:-

  Ten Reasons To Smile – From Mark Stibich, Ph.D.

1. Smiling makes us attractive.

We are drawn to people who smile. There is an attraction factor. We want to know a smiling person and figure out what is so good. Frowns, scowls and grimaces all push people away — but a smile draws them in. In fact Carlos Santana said it all he said “Your wrinkles either show that you’re nasty, cranky, and senile, or that you’re always smiling.”

2. Smiling Changes Our Mood

Next time you are feeling down, try putting on a smile. There’s a good chance you mood will change for the better. Smiling can trick the body into helping you change your mood.

3. Smiling is Contagious

When someone is smiling they lighten up the room, change the moods of others, and make things happier. A smiling person brings happiness with them. Smile lots and you will draw people to you.

4. Smiling Relieves Stress

Stress can really show up in our faces. Smiling helps to prevent us from looking tired, worn down, and overwhelmed. When you are stressed, take time to put on a smile. The stress should be reduced and you’ll be better able to take action.

When I look out at the people and they look at me and they’re smiling, then I know that I’m loved. That is the time when I have no worries, no problems.
Etta James

5. Smiling Boosts Your Immune System

Smiling helps the immune system to work better. When you smile, immune function improves possibly because you are more relaxed. Prevent the flu and colds by smiling.

6. Smiling Lowers Your Blood Pressure

When you smile, there is a measurable reduction in your blood pressure. Give it a try if you have a blood pressure monitor at home. Sit for a few minutes, take a reading. Then smile for a minute and take another reading while still smiling. Do you notice a difference?

7. Smiling Releases Endorphins, Natural Pain Killers and Serotonin

Studies have shown that smiling releases endorphins, natural pain killers, and serotonin. Together these three make us feel good. Smiling is a natural drug.

8. Smiling Lifts the Face and Makes You Look Younger

The muscles we use to smile lift the face, making a person appear younger. Don’t go for a face lift, just try smiling your way through the day — you’ll look younger and feel better.

9. Smiling Makes You Seem Successful

Smiling people appear more confident, are more likely to be promoted, and more likely to be approached. Put on a smile at meetings and appointments and people will react to you differently.

10. Smiling Helps You Stay Positive

Try this test: Smile. Now try to think of something negative without losing the smile. It’s hard. When we smile our body is sending the rest of us a message that “Life is Good!” Stay away from depression, stress and worry by smiling.

Well after reading this i hope we have more smiley faces in the world and why not Eric Davis once said “It takes a lot of energy to be negative. You have to work at it. But smiling is painless. I’d rather spend my energy smiling.” I will wrap this up with a saying from Dr. Seuss  it goes “Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened.”

Remember even though the outside world might be raining, if you keep on smiling the sun will soon show its face and smile back at you.
Anna Lee