Archive for the ‘relationships’ Tag
WHY YOU SHOULD SPEND TIME WITH YOURSELF
” Talk to yourself once in a day…. otherwise you may miss meeting n excellent person in the world.”
Why are people so incredibly against being alone? We all seem to be afraid of it. We make friends who usually aren’t worth having. We date people we shouldn’t be dating. We spend our time and money running away from being on our own.
Loneliness is not something to aim for, but being alone doesn’t necessarily mean being lonely. In fact, spending more time with ourselves, without being surrounded by people, and without virtually surrounding ourselves via all those social networking platforms, we can find solace in the company that matters most: the relationship we have with ourselves.
Here are some benefits of spending time alone:
1. Introduces You To A Simple Life
A simple life is a beautiful life. In this day and age, we often find ourselves overwhelmed with things we want to do, ought to do, need to do and are avoiding doing. We all have so much going on in our lives, but to what end? It’s as if we are all running some sort of race, a race with no real finish other than death. People are aiming for a happy life somewhere down the line when the point of life is being happy throughout the ride. #Food4Thought
2. Allows You To Keep Your Mind Clear
I’m sure I’m not the only person who finds myself mentally overwhelmed. Our minds are capable of storing massive amounts of information. However, you can’t simply collect information. You need to organize it. Our minds have a filing system that, in part, works on its own, but it requires slowing down and removing yourself from the constant flow of new information. You can’t process and file simultaneously. We don’t come equipped with dual processors…. In fact, looking at perception…. we are constantly interacting with others and constantly processing new information, it makes getting a grasp on reality rather tricky. It’s not so much that you don’t have a clear perception of your reality; it’s that you don’t take enough time to explore the reality you’ve created. Removing yourself from the world allows you to reacquaint yourself with the way you see the world
3. You Will Learn Things About Yourself That You Couldn’t Otherwise
By understanding the way you perceive the world, you gain insight into you as an individual. You will have more time to consciously roam around in your mind, to notice the way you think, notice the way your thoughts interact with the physical world, and notice how you judge both the outside world and yourself.
We think all the time, but it’s not often that we look at our thoughts from the outside looking in. We are more often than not caught up in thought, failing to differentiate our formulated thoughts from ourselves, the thinkers. Spend more time alone to develop the ability to differentiate yourself from all those thoughts flying about in your head. You two aren’t one in the same.
4. Relieves Anxiety
Because we don’t differentiate between ourselves and our thoughts, anxiety quickly builds. If we are overwhelmed by all the thoughts we’re having, not being able to slow them down because we feel they are a part of us, we begin to feel heavy and sluggish. If the thoughts are negative, they end up affecting us profoundly. Spending more time on your own will allow you the opportunity to set your mind straight and rid yourself of unnecessary negative thoughts, alleviating your anxiety.
To truly love someone, we first have to explore what love is, and that means starting with the person you spend the most time with yourself!
5. Forces You To Become Less Dependent On Others
Most people don’t like being alone because they feel the need to be social, to interact with others. This is a part of human nature. However, the amount of social interaction we require to remain sane is nowhere near the amount most of us experience on a daily basis. Moreover, the amount necessary is much less than the amount we feel we need.
The fact is, most of us are dependent on others for our happiness. We use them as distractions. The question is…… distraction from what? From ourselves? Yea! But why do you feel the need to keep you away from you? #Food4Thought
6. Your Life Becomes More Efficient
We spend a lot of time in our lives, messing around. We do things for the sake of doing them. We “hang out.” We “chill.” We find ways of filling up our days in order not to have time to do nothing – because doing nothing is bad. But the fact is, you can’t do nothing; it’s physically impossible. You are a living thing and are always doing something.
More than that, you are a human being. Our minds aren’t capable of doing absolutely nothing. Try doing nothing and you’ll notice that you’re still doing something. Becoming comfortable with being alone removes a lot of excess waste from your life because you come to realize it as being useless.
7. Slow Down
Life isn’t a race. If it were, then you should be trying to avoid the finish line, not get there sooner. Taking the time to slow down and enjoy the little things ……. the air around you, the chair you are sitting in, the way your tongue feels pressed against your teeth ………. all these things will bring you greater joy than you ever thought possible. Being alive should be enough to make you happy. If it doesn’t, you need to slow down and remove yourself from distractions.
8. Remove Yourself From Unnecessary Information
Just 10 years ago, we weren’t exposed to nearly as much information as we are now. Looking back 50 years, the difference is colossal. Human beings are not yet used to being fed so much information; processing all this information can become difficult – mostly because the majority of it is useless to us. Humans developed their cognitive abilities as a means of surviving.
But knowing that Sarah is eating a cheeseburger via Instagram or that Justin Bieber may get deported via Twitter does not relate to our personal happiness. It’s all information that doesn’t make the least bit difference to our personal lives, to our well-being. Unplugging from this constant stream of information will be and is incredibly relieving.
9. You’ll Come To Accept That You’re Enough To Make Yourself Happy
The only way to achieve sustainable happiness is to be happy with the bare minimum. Why? Maintaining anything requires consistence and the only thing you can never lose and never have to worry about losing is you. You will always have you. You can lose everything else, but you can’t lose you. Learn to be happy with just yourself and everything else positive that comes your way will only be a very pleasant surprise…… personally I think the worst thing for anyone to lose would be their #Mind.
10. You’ll Save Money
It turns out that being alone is a lot cheaper than spending time with others. Alone, you can literally just sit or close your eyes and do close to nothing, just thinking and imagining. Now imagine trying to convince your friends to come over and do the same. Not going to happen. You’re going to have to spend money one way or another. Socializing always comes at a price, while being alone only costs you on occasion…. see? Spending time with yourself is also cost effective. Lol!!!
11. Allows You To Set Your Priorities Straight
Society convinces us that we want a lot of things we really don’t want. It’s the competitive nature of man that has us reaching for the stars when, in reality, the ground under our feet is more than enough. There’s nothing wrong with aiming high….. Of course I do that too….. but make sure that what you’re aiming for is something you actually want, not something you want because others want it as well…… Or what the media has brain washed you into wanting.
If you don’t really want something, but are aiming for it, anyway, you are only setting yourself up for disappointment. If you don’t get it, you’ll be disappointed with not getting it, and if you do get it, you’ll be disappointed that it wasn’t what you thought it’d be. Get your priorities straight and you’ll have less disappointment in your life.
12. Allows You To Stay More Focused
We aren’t meant to just be focusing on tasks. We are also meant to focus on ourselves. Very few living creatures are capable of understanding themselves as individuals — one of the most simply act without understanding that they exist. For whatever reason, our culture emphasizes constant action and little reflection. Spend some time focusing on yourself and your thoughts and less on actions. There’s no point of constantly going after achievements if you lose sight of who you are as a living being.
13. Makes You Accept That You’re Alone In This Life – And Makes You Okay With It
That sounded like a sad thought right? But, we are born alone and we die alone. What few come to realize is that the majority of our lives we actually spend alone. We spend a lot of our lives trying not to be alone, true, but in reality, we are alone the entire time. That’s okay. In fact, it’s wonderful. You are you and just you. You are unique. You are one of a kind. You don’t need anyone else to make you better because you are amazing just the way you are. You’re simply choosing to ignore that fact.
Spend more time with yourself and only yourself, and soon you will realize that as truth.
The most important relationship we can all have is the one you have with yourself, the most important journey you can take is one of self-discovery. To know yourself, you must spend time with yourself, you must not be afraid to be alone. Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom.
” Talk to yourself like you would to someone you love.”
THE ART OF LISTENING
It is the province of knowledge to speak. And it is the privilege of wisdom to listen.
Oliver Wendell Holmes
Hello friends forgive my absence I’ve had to deal with a lot lately; but am back and i would love to talk about “Listening” i tagged this write up “The Art Of Listening cos i truly believe listening is an art. let be start by stating that “Hearing”is different from “Listening”. Hearing is the process of perceiving sound produced by any sound source in the environment while listening is the process of deriving meaning from organized sounds. Listening is also more complicated and entailing than hearing. bottom line the difference between these two is “Attention”. Listening is a skill — one that is capable of being not only honed, but lost. No wonder listening is an undervalued art. Research shows that we speak at a rate of about 125 words per minute, yet we have the capacity to listen to approximately 400 words per minute. So what are we doing with that extra space in our minds when someone else is talking? Are we really listening?
–To listen fully means to pay close attention to what is being said beneath the words.
Listening is essential to fulfilling relationships. If you are experiencing challenging interactions or you want your connections to deepen, reflect on how you can improve your listening skills. Here are some benefits of truly listening:
- People will feel be more drawn to you; they will like you more.
- You will learn something new.
- You will solve problems more effectively.
- You will experience less loneliness and frustration.
- You will feel happier and more relaxed.
Learn to listen well, and watch all your relationships thrive. Here’s how.
—The best way to understand people is to listen to them.
#ArtOfListening — Ralph Nichols
1. Pay attention
Since our brains have the capacity to process 275 more words per minute than are actually spoken, we tend to fill up the void with extraneous thoughts. Notice how when someone is speaking, you are partially listening, while simultaneously planning the rest of your day, replaying a meeting that just occurred, or deciding what you will say next. Paying attention is the cardinal rule for good listening. Hear the words, and let their meaning in. If your mind wanders, simply re-focus your attention on the conversation.
—We have to listen to each other, even when we don’t agree.
2. Be receptive
If you show up with an agenda, you are not going to be available to fully hear what the other person is saying. There is no problem with having goals for an interaction, but let them go while the other person is speaking so you can hear what is being expressed. Balance your need for a given outcome with your desire to sustain a harmonious relationship.
—One who cares is one who listens. —
3. Check your understanding
Make sure you can repeat what you just heard, and if you can’t, ask for clarification. You might be surprised at how much you are missing. Most people are. When you think you’ve gotten it, you might say, “So what you are saying is….” to verify your understanding.
— Secret of success,lies in d ability to get the other person’s point of view & see things from his angle as well as yours
4. Be an explorer
Explorers are open and curious. They are inquisitive, without knowing what they will find. So what to do with all of that excess brain power? Focus on the speaker. Notice body language, tone of voice, and rate of speaking. Then look beneath the words to see what feelings and needs are being communicated. You never know what you might find.
— The golden rule of friendship is to listen to others as you would have them listen to you.
5. Show interest
If you find yourself bored and distracted, reconnect with the interaction. Maintain eye contact, uncross your arms, and ask questions that take the conversation deeper. Find out what really matters to the person you are speaking with.
— Eyes see only light, ears hear only sound, but a listening heart perceives meaning.
6. Be patient
As much as you may be tempted, don’t speak over someone who is talking. When you feel the urge to step in, take a breath, let your agenda go, and continue to listen. If you need to move the conversation along, do so politely, as in, “Excuse me, I’m so sorry for interrupting, but ….” Likewise, be careful not to jump to conclusions or assume you know what hasn’t yet been said. These are all signs that your inner explorer has fallen asleep. Revitalize your experience by paying attention to what is happening in the moment.
— Listening is a sign of respect. It makes people feel valued.
7. Get out of a rut
Have you ever had the same problematic conversation with someone over and over? Bring a fresh perspective to the relationship by redoubling your efforts to listen. Let go of your need to be right or your ideas about what the other person should be saying or doing, and hear them as if for the first time. This moves you from contraction and limit to possibility and potential simply by listening.
— One person who is truly understanding, and takes the trouble to listen to us,can change our whole outlook on the world.
#ArtOfListening — Dr. E. H. Mayo
Effective listening develops empathy, which is the capacity for a deep understanding of another’s experience. And isn’t that what it takes for a relationship to thrive? It’s as simple as paying attention.
— We have two ears and one mouth, so we should listen more than we say.
Here are some suggestions for developing your listening skills:
- Develop the desire to listen. You must accept the fact that listening to others is your strongest weapon. Given the opportunity, the other person will tell you everything you need to know. If this doesn’t create desire, I don’t know what will.
- Always let the other person do most of the talking.This is a simple matter of mathematics. I suggest a 70/30 rule. You listen 70% of the time and you talk 30% of the time.
- Don’t interrupt. There is always the temptation to interrupt so you can tell the other person something you think is vitally important. It isn’t, so don’t. When you are about to speak, ask yourself if it is really necessary.
- Learn active listening. It’s not enough that you’re listening to someone – you want to be sure that they know you’re listening. Active listening is the art of communicating to the other person that you’re hearing their every word.
- Ask for clarification if needed. This will clear up any misunderstanding you have.
- Get used to ‘listening’ for nonverbal messages – body language. The other person may be communicating with you via body language. You need to decode the message.
- Ask a question…then shut up. This is a foolproof way to listen. Think of yourself as an interviewer – Barbara Walters! She listens and questions – so should you.
A good listener tries to understand what is being said first; he/she may disagree, but at least he/she knows exactly what they are disagreeing with.
Tips For Asking Questions
Once you have learned how to keep yourself from speaking, the art of asking questions is the shortcut to effective listening. Here are some tips for asking questions:
- Ask open-ended questions. Questions that can’t be answered with a simple yes or no. “How could we do this?” “What do you think?” Your objective is to get them to talk as much as possible.
- Don’t ask questions that put them on the defensive. For example, “Why?” is intimidating. Don’t ask “why?” Ask “how come?”
- Ask “What if?” What if we did it this way?
- Ask for their advice. “What would you suggest we do to resolve this?” Everyone loves to be asked for advice.
- Offer alternatives. “Which way would you prefer?” This demonstrates your respect for the other person.
- Ask about their feelings. “How do you feel about this?” People love to have their feelings validated.
- Repeat back what they said. “Let me be sure I understand what you’re saying. You’re saying that…?” This technique will prevent misunderstandings and convince them that you really are listening.
—Listening is an attitude of the heart, a genuine desire to be with another which both attracts and heals. —
WHO IS THAT SPECIAL PERSON?
Sometimes, when I hear the sound of a car slowing down am tempted to peek and check is that for me could someone have thought of me and even driven down just to check on me? I get excited at the thought, but as always the car slowing down to a halt is not for me…..thinking about it now I feel pathetic but that’s really how I feel, having to put up a strong face can be tiring but I have gone from putting up a strong face to really being strong……it’s just that in moments of loneliness you wish you had that special someone……I thought I had found my special some one quite recently…..a part of me screamed “the search is over he is here”….there was peace a very relaxing calm peace that I just can’t explain but it was there and it was quite reassuring…..it’s the reason I held on….for so long….only to have that door slammed ruthlessly in my face…….wow!!! Life is a very long journey with a lot of displeasing and uncomfortable turns……then, when Isaac Samuel Adekunle was in my life the sound of the car coming to a halt by my window was for me….and his visits would make the evenings feel complete and perfect….we would talk and laugh and feel good sharing our challenges …..at least that’s what it felt like for me…….sigh!!! I enjoyed it ….In fact I secretly wished it would never end…..but, it was never meant to be; for the one who led me on like we were something really special ….had other plans he had someone else on the side …..Someone he planned to marry…..and did not tell me until the day of the marriage……it still baffles me though. where did he find the time for her-he spent everyday with me…..where and how did she come into the picture….or was she always there and I was so stupid and naive not to have noticed?
…..I still remember how hard it was to breath when my phone beeped and full of excitement on seeing his name across my screen of my mobile phone…. I open the text message and the message read…. You did not congratulate me……. Today is my TRAD…….(Trad is short for traditional marriage)….I never thought an involuntary action such as breathing could become such a big laborious task. I had to struggle to get the right amount of air into my lungs cause it felt like my system was shutting down and from the corner of my eyes darkness was creeping in……I steadied myself holding on to the counter in the kitchen saying it was a joke….”I just spoke to him two days ago we spoke for almost an hour, he said nothing about a trad…..it cant be what I think it is, he probably meant to say he was at a trad and it was a typo”……I tried calling, but he wouldn’t pick up and then my phone beeps again……another message ……”I can’t talk now”…….confusion pretty much set in at this point in my already muddled up mind……so I asked the dreaded question in the form of a text I said to him ….”Are you saying today is your traditional wedding?” To which he answered simply……”yes!” Then, he tries to make it light by saying he told me….which just threw me off the edge because right now another lie is not what I need ….then my brother sees traditional wedding photos on his blackberry phone……..that cleared all my doubts “so it true my supposed special person went on with someone else……I wasn’t special after all. I was just statistics to him”…..that hurt even more……I felt hurt, broken and betrayed on top of everything…..he wasn’t who he portrayed himself to be. I asked myself over and over was there ever a sign? Did I overlook something? Well, now that I have had time to think about it….yes I over looked a few important things……
1- First, never give people a clean slate when first you meet them, they all have a past and you cannot go on with them like they never did….their stories give you an inkling into the kind of person you are about to let into you life.
2- Don’t be in a rush to get too familiar, most of the time when we get too comfortable we get blind sided to a lot of warning signs….which reveal themselves with time.
3- Note that, his action and his words are two different things….in a man’s world words are a strong indication of his true intentions……if he does not verbally define what you both have don’t assume it’s anything…..make sure you hear him say it….no matter how shy a man is……if his into you he will state it….although there are some of them who need a lil push…for e.g. The idea of a man about to loose a woman that he holds dear….would make him brace up and state his claim….if he doesn’t then he probably was never going to…. So why waste more time hanging around him.
4- When a guy starts hanging around you a lot without stating his intentions…..make it clear to him that you don’t spend that much time with people who are in the friend category…. And that your time is reserved for someone a lot more special. So it either he Admits he want to fill the position of the special man In Your life or he gets going.
5- A man who is into you does not need an excuse to see you; he would talk with you and come see you because he just can’t have a enough. No man is ever to busy for a woman he is crazy about….especially when you’re still at the wooing stage.
6- Realize your self worth! If so many women understood that they are nobody’s door mat and cannot and will not be treated as one ….there would be less broken hearts…..so many men have taken women for a ride because women do not have an idea of their self worth……..listen to the story of any happily married woman she would say something like “he treats me with respect”……”he treats me like a queen.” basically their husbands make them feel good with themselves……if your man makes you feel less than yourself and you let him, then honey you need to quickly do some self re-evaluation. KNOW YOUR WORTH!!!
7- And Lastly, but very important wait for God‘s instruction before you move him up from the friend category, because it’s is important that what you are about to start is God approved……I mean think of it why would you start a journey if you know that you are not going to get to your destination…….why would you give him your heart if he has no intentions of holding unto it for the rest of his life? Plus to hear God’s instruction in the first place you have to first be his friend…..don’t treat him like a D.O.G you would visit once in a while…..but like a G.O.D who longs for your companionship……..treat him the way you want that special person you’re waiting for to treat to you………my new phrase…..”If you’re about God’s work, God is going to be about YOU!
Note from Writer
Hi guys, I decided to put this out there because a lot of ladies have confided in me about nasty break ups, and then they move to throw themselves a pity party, next stop “SHE BECOMES A MAN HATER!” sigh!!! Agreed, we have some down right nasty brothers out there, but ladies, you can’t completely put the blame on their door step. I saw a phrase a while back it said “A man’s lack of commitment is because there is a lack of necessity to commit from the woman.” ladies you need to realize that you should require a man to state where your relationship is heading, because if you are in a relationship where you don’t know the direction, you can loose yourself and get hurt. Another issue worth mentioning … Ladies when a man says you guys are just friends he means you are just friend and nothing more. Quit having a relationship with him in your head; you’ll only hurt yourself. If you treat yourself as a prized being he’ll treat you accordingly; don’t leave your heart or body carelessly. Guard your heart, your time, your information. Don’t in your minds eye go ahead and put someone in your future that is not committed to you, that is just recipe for more heart breaks. So ladies its time to wise up, realize your worth, take responsibility for your wellbeing; and lastly, you attract people to you when you look like you are having a good time. So go out there and live LIFE!!!
SINGLE, HAPPY AND SATISFIED
How can you be single and be satisfied?
Breakups are hard on everyone — but after the initial pain and sorrow passes you will find that flying solo isn’t that bad. In fact it can be downright fun….shocked? I felt the same way until I started experiencing it myself, so am here to tell you that it is possible to be SINGLE, HAPPY AND SATISFIED!!!
But of course like anything else there are steps to take….I’ll start by stating you need to, First proactively decide that you want to be happy, you’re not going to be a happy married person if you are not a happy single person.
So, Whether you’ve just been dumped, or you’ve decided to end your current relationship, there are a few things you need to remember to make the most out of being single. Even if it wasn’t your choice to be back in the world of single living, the only thing you can really do is embrace it. So here are some things you need to memorize and put into action in your life to enjoy and embrace being single
TIPS TO BEING SINGLE, HAPPY AND SATISFIED
There is nothing, absolutely nothing, worse than a single man or woman who is consumed with unhappiness. Not everyone can be happy all of the time—it s impossible. But when negativity takes over your life, there’s something wrong.
Stay positive about your single status. It’s not going to last forever. In fact, how long you stay single is mostly up to you. If you’re wallowing in negative thoughts, you won’t have your eyes open when someone special comes around.
If you can’t seem to see the sunny side of life, no matter how hard you try, try a little harder. If you still can’t embrace a little positivity, it might be time to talk to someone.
TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF
You have to take a little time to take care of yourself: both physically and emotionally. Remember to take care of your body. Keep yourself in the best shape you can be in, buy yourself a new outfit or a pair of shoes, get a haircut, freshen yourself up— you’re single, take care of yourself and feel good.
On the emotional side of things, remember to exercise your mind and your emotions. Read a book, something that makes you feel happy for me that would be a good movie…lol! You can also try keeping a journal to record how you feel on a day to day basis. Try something new.
KEEP LIFE EXCITING
Don’t find yourself in a rut. Keep the excitement flowing through your veins. For some people, it’s as simple as walking home from work a different way. For others, it’s going on an adventure: rock-climbing (which I tried by the way and it’s totally awesome) you can go site seeing basically go for what excites you.
Singles, especially people who have recently joined the ranks of the single community, need to shake things up. Try to get out there and experience new things in relation to the dating world: That means you can go out on a couple of date nights with some friends. if you’ve never taken an arts and craft class, if you’ve never gone dancing…you get the point. Get out there. Make sure you have sparks in your life!
Life is about change. Your life has recently changed, in a big way. You are no longer someone’s other half (and maybe you never really were). Things change; it’s life. But don’t obsess about the change.
If you find yourself saying your ex-partner’s name every three words, or if you can see your friends begin to roll their eyes when you talk about what life was like before the break-up, then you’re probably obsessing. If you keep comparing every one you meet to your old surpposed Mr. or Ms. Right, then you’re probably obsessing.
If you keep on obsessing, you won’t be ready when someone new comes along and you’ll probably drive your friends and family crazy in the process! Watch it!!!
Being single is about having fun as much as it’s about complaining about being single and being insanely jealous of all the other couples you know. Start up a singles night with your single friends where you do something exciting every week, even if it’s just switching to a new hang out spot. Keep fun in your heart and you’ll enjoy your single days for how ever long they might happen to last!
LEARN HOW TO BE SINGLE
It can be tough to remember how to be single, especially if you’ve been coupled-up for a good long while. Learning how to be single again can be tough, but if you follow a few simple rules to enjoying the single life, you’ll be smiling. And then…eventually, you won’t be so single anymore. But don’t be in a huge rush. Being single can be tons of fun! take your time and enjoy it.
MYTHS OF BEING SINGLE
Myth -Singleness equals loneliness.
This is simply not the case. The only single people who claim to be lonely are those who choose to be lonely. One of the reasons why singleness seems so scary is because of the term itself: Single. It has almost become a swear word in today’s society. It creates the image of a lone person, going through life with no friends and no family. Is this what you think of when you hear the word “single?”. “Being single” only means the lack of a marriage or dating partner. To call yourself lonely when all you lack is one person in your life is irrational. A lonely single is actually a selfish single because their focus is on themselves instead of on others.
Myth -A relationship will help me feel better about myself.
A relationship is not an insurance policy for happiness, satisfaction, or fulfillment. A relationship will not magically solve or cover up your problems. Forget about all the perfect-couple images painted by the media. Relationships actually magnify existing problems and create new ones. Part of being in a relationship is learning how to solve problems. If you can’t solve problems on your own, you won’t be able to do so with someone else.
If you don’t feel good about yourself, then you need to work on that before seeking a relationship, as people generally don’t look for someone with low self-esteem. One of the key points that I state here several times is that you must be happy with yourself first. The purpose of entering into a relationship is to share yourself with another person; not to try to get from someone else what you feel lacks in yourself. Relationships (romantic and other) can’t be all “take” – you have to give as well. Expecting someone else to fill your voids usually results in disappointment, a sense of failure, and resentment. The way you feel about yourself is apparent to others, and if you seek a relationship hoping that the other person will somehow improve you, you will actually end up driving that person away. You have to be happy with yourself before you can expect to get along with others. If you believe that you cannot be happy on your own, you will be less confident and more dependent on others for your happiness.
If you feel trapped by singleness and are looking for someone to rescue you, then you need to first work on becoming content as a single person and gaining more confidence in yourself. Become successful as a single first before worrying about success in relationships. If you’re not content with being single, then you probably won’t be content with a relationship either. Don’t make your happiness dependent on whether you are in a relationship or not. Life is too short to spend a majority of it feeling depressed over something within your control. You already have the key to unlock the singleness trap. You just have to choose to use it. You just have to decide to be happy….Abraham Lincoln said, “Most people are about as happy as they make up their mind to be.”
Myth – If I’m single and can’t find anyone, it means something is wrong with me, or that I’m a failure.
Being single can be very unsettling and can certainly make people ask themselves, “Is there something wrong with me?” The answer is a big NO. Every one of us has something wrong with them. Nobody on this planet is perfect.
Failing at something does not make you a failure. Regardless of how many times you have attempted and failed, it does not mean anything is wrong with you. It simply means that there are changes that need to be made. However, you should try to look at what you have done and make an effort to change what you know isn’t working. Use this time to take an inventory of yourself and see if there are any personal areas you think you could improve in.
Myth -Being single is unacceptable and I must be in a committed relationship as soon as possible.
You might think that committed relationships and marriage are the ideal lifestyle, but it’s not the only lifestyle. If you believe that being single is unacceptable, then you will end up seeking relationships just because you want one, because “it’s the thing to do”, or because “everyone’s doing it.” a young lady once said to me when i asked her why would she want to get get married and she said boldly to me “Because society expects it of me….” Wow! Now, that answer caught me of guard but if like this young lady, you want to jump into marriage because of what someone else thinks? I would say you need to learn to be your own person and do your thinking for yourself plus this often leads to unhealthy relationships, unnecessary stress, a worsened self-image, and emotional burnout. You are your own person. Your decisions should not be based on what everyone else is doing. Remember the saying “If everyone was jumping off a cliff, would you…”?
Bottom line: Being single is not unacceptable by any means. What’s unacceptable is seeking a relationship for the sole purpose of having one. It’s also selfish.
Myth – Singleness is meant to be a “waiting period” for finding the right person.
This may be true for some, but it’s not an across-the-board fact. If this is made the main focus of singleness, it actually becomes overwhelming. You may have heard the term “waiting for the ship to come in.” That creates the fallacy that one day, you will find that special person and then your life will suddenly become meaningful. The idea of “waiting” can give you the false impression that something is missing. This can have a serious negative impact on your life. You may put off certain plans and aspects of your life until you happen to meet someone. As time goes on, you’ll realize that you have been wasting your life away. It may get to the point where your only goal in life is to find someone, and you’ll find yourself feeling unmotivated to take care of other things. Don’t put your life on hold just because you are single. You are the only one that decides how you will live your life. You can make the most of it, or you can let it waste away; it’s your choice. None of us knows what is going to happen in the future, and if you are presently single, this is a time of opportunity for you. Your singleness is what you make of it. It can be a good experience if you want it to be. So, instead of wasting time just waiting around for the “right one”, use your time as a single to get to know the person that is responsible for making you happy – that’s you.
Myth – Accepting singleness is giving up or admitting defeat.
Accepting singleness is not a defeat; it’s a victory. Despite the way it sounds, accepting singleness does not mean resigning the rest of your life to an unhappy state of being single. Accepting singleness means that you have conquered your fears and anxieties about being single. It shows that you do not buy into the myths and stereotypes about being single. It is not easy to accept singleness and many people think they can’t do it, or will even refuse to do it. When you accept singleness, you are declaring that you are strong enough to do life on your own, and that you don’t need another person for a crutch. It shows that you are independent. Accepting singleness means you can resist the constant feeling of needing to be a part of a couple, regardless of the influences around you. You are making the most of this time in your life instead of wasting time in unnecessary despair. Lastly, and most importantly, it means that you are happy with who you are. Which is a very important aspect to discovering yourself.
Myth – There are no advantages to being single.
Okay! I know this might be a tired old cliché but, the saying “every cloud has a silver lining” applies here. Remember that there are two sides to being single. As I mentioned earlier, it’s easy to focus exclusively on the negative aspects of being single. This can lead us to the false notion that there are no advantages to being single. The fact of the matter is that there are advantages to being single…..these advantages may include more freedom to do what you want, when you want and with whomever you want….so why don’t you write down all the advantages you can think of to being single. And whenever you start to feel down you can refer to this list.
I will wrap it all up by saying: singles please don’t put your life on hold, go out there and get a life…….and, please quit idolizing the institution of marriage……..marriage is the right thing when you meet the right person that you want to wake with everyday.
Just have a blast…….
We can’t allow the waiting waste our time just like we cant allow the wrong man /woman to waste our time, so you have to live life to the fullest because Christ said “I have come that you might have life and have it more abundantly (John 10v10) And he didn’t say have it more abundantly after you get married did he? he said have it more abundantly period!
So singles, go on that cruise now!
Buy that piece of jewelry now!
Buy that car now!
Buy that house now!
Handle your finances now!
Don’t wait! Particularly to my sisters, don’t wait for a prince charming to come along and rescue you. He might come with more baggage and maybe a tired old horse and a rusty armor (looooool!!!)
And, if we’re honest with ourselves, it’s the external pressures that become more unbearable than the internal pressure…right?
So singles while you’re waiting have a blast…… And ensure you serve those that are available to be served and love those that are available to be loved.
Single people are very significant. And don’t let anyone tell you different. I hope you become what you want to attract.
“For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to. Prosper you and not to harm, plans to give you HOPE and a future.” Jeremiah 29v11
“STAY SINGLE, HAPPY AND SATISFIED!!!”
WHY DO YOU SMILE?
You know there are some things we do without knowing why, we just accept it as a norm cause everyone else is doing it….. I was asked by a lil girl quite recently “why do we smile???” I was about to answer simply “Because its good!” but then I thought there are so many things that feel good that should not be done so that answer on its own would definitely not suffice. Thus the beginning of my quest WHY DO WE SMILE and WHY SHOULD WE SMILE??? Well, I think Mother Teresa said it all when she said “ Every time you smile at someone, it is an action of love, a gift to that person, a beautiful thing.”
Smiling is a great way to make yourself stand out while helping your body to function better. Learn to Smile to improve your health, your stress level, and your attractiveness. So, here are:-
Ten Reasons To Smile – From Mark Stibich, Ph.D.
1. Smiling makes us attractive.
We are drawn to people who smile. There is an attraction factor. We want to know a smiling person and figure out what is so good. Frowns, scowls and grimaces all push people away — but a smile draws them in. In fact Carlos Santana said it all he said “Your wrinkles either show that you’re nasty, cranky, and senile, or that you’re always smiling.”
2. Smiling Changes Our Mood
Next time you are feeling down, try putting on a smile. There’s a good chance you mood will change for the better. Smiling can trick the body into helping you change your mood.
3. Smiling is Contagious
When someone is smiling they lighten up the room, change the moods of others, and make things happier. A smiling person brings happiness with them. Smile lots and you will draw people to you.
4. Smiling Relieves Stress
Stress can really show up in our faces. Smiling helps to prevent us from looking tired, worn down, and overwhelmed. When you are stressed, take time to put on a smile. The stress should be reduced and you’ll be better able to take action.
When I look out at the people and they look at me and they’re smiling, then I know that I’m loved. That is the time when I have no worries, no problems.
5. Smiling Boosts Your Immune System
Smiling helps the immune system to work better. When you smile, immune function improves possibly because you are more relaxed. Prevent the flu and colds by smiling.
6. Smiling Lowers Your Blood Pressure
When you smile, there is a measurable reduction in your blood pressure. Give it a try if you have a blood pressure monitor at home. Sit for a few minutes, take a reading. Then smile for a minute and take another reading while still smiling. Do you notice a difference?
7. Smiling Releases Endorphins, Natural Pain Killers and Serotonin
Studies have shown that smiling releases endorphins, natural pain killers, and serotonin. Together these three make us feel good. Smiling is a natural drug.
8. Smiling Lifts the Face and Makes You Look Younger
The muscles we use to smile lift the face, making a person appear younger. Don’t go for a face lift, just try smiling your way through the day — you’ll look younger and feel better.
9. Smiling Makes You Seem Successful
Smiling people appear more confident, are more likely to be promoted, and more likely to be approached. Put on a smile at meetings and appointments and people will react to you differently.
10. Smiling Helps You Stay Positive
Try this test: Smile. Now try to think of something negative without losing the smile. It’s hard. When we smile our body is sending the rest of us a message that “Life is Good!” Stay away from depression, stress and worry by smiling.
Well after reading this i hope we have more smiley faces in the world and why not Eric Davis once said “It takes a lot of energy to be negative. You have to work at it. But smiling is painless. I’d rather spend my energy smiling.” I will wrap this up with a saying from Dr. Seuss it goes “Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened.”
Remember even though the outside world might be raining, if you keep on smiling the sun will soon show its face and smile back at you.